What Do You Tell Your Kids When This Happens?

April 16th, 2007 by Annie Dameron · 7 Comments

I am a Virginia Tech Hokie alumni, Class of ‘95. As I watched this on CNN, my heart broke for the students and their families. My mind cried out, “WHY?” Then I saw my son nearby, innocently flipping through a book, and my daughter was practicing her walking technique in the hall. Both of them were oblivious to events as they unfolded

My two kids are too young to understand (3 and 15 months), but this question is for parents of older children. We can’t shelter them from what goes on in the world. With instant news on CNN, cable, and Internet, facts (and rumors) are known instantly. My 7th grade English class watched in stunned horror as the second plane flew into Trade Tower Two on September 11. They asked plenty of questions: “Will they attack us next?” “Are we safe?” and the most heartbreaking one: “WHY???” I was doing a teaching practicum when Columbine happened, and my students wanted to believe that would never happen at their school. “Why, Mrs. D? Why?”

I couldn’t answer that one. Why do these things happen? I don’t know and I’m not sure how I would explain it to my kids when they are older. Like any parent, I want to protect them as long as I can, have their childhood as trouble-free as possible. Unfortunately, I know this is impossible in today’s world. I am determined to show them the positive as well as the negative of life, but when events lke this happen, it shakes my faith.

What do you say to your kids and how do you say it?

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7 responses so far ↓

Erica Douglas // Apr 16, 2007 at 2:39 pm

I believe honesty is the best policy. It’s a tough old world out there, better to be prepared for that, although I would be careful to tell them only as much as they can handle, this would depend on age and maturity.
Misty // Apr 16, 2007 at 2:46 pm

I’m still in shock. I know at some point I’ll have to talk to this little boy of mine about things like this someday. I have no idea what I’ll tell him.

So sad for our world.
Stu Mark // Apr 16, 2007 at 3:15 pm

This just happened: My kids’ father showed up to take them for a few hours, and when I realized that he didn’t know the story, I sent the kids out to his car, so they would be out of earshot when I filled him in on the details.

I don’t know if I would have handled it differently, but it was only a half-hour ago. Your essay really makes me think.

As an aside, I went to the VT bookstore’s online store and bought a hat, in support of the school.
Slouching Mom // Apr 16, 2007 at 3:51 pm

This is a tough, tough question, and such an important one. I was about to tell my nine-year-old, and then I thought better of it. At least with 9/11, one could point to an ideology, a cause, no matter how crazy.

With this, though, the randomness may be needlessly frightening, even to a nine-year-old.

I just don’t know. I will probably tell him but wait a few days so that I am less emotional myself.

My five-year-old does not have the temperament to hear this yet. It would frighten him too much. It would cause nightmares.
Annie // Apr 16, 2007 at 4:54 pm

Stu, thank you.

I’ll be wearing my Tech gear tomorrow to show support.
t-bird // Apr 17, 2007 at 11:25 am

I think you have to allow each child enough information that they can understand but not too much that they are overwhelmed. We are very priveleged in the West on the whole, our children are not exposed to mindless violence close to home too often, they grow up through the early years reletively sheltered from the nastier side of life. But they do need to face it, and we need to be there when they do so that they have a point of reference, a safe grown up to hold onto, whilst they process it. And I think it’s not only okay but important that we admit we just don’t always know why.
Whitney // Apr 17, 2007 at 1:35 pm

I was in Gainesville, FL when the students were murdered there. It was a very scary time, and probably one of the first times in my young adult life I felt truly afraid and totally vulnerable.
I can only imagine how awful everyone there feels, and how at least knowing the shooter is dead is some, small relief.
I think we are raising kids where we can;t always guarantee their safety anymore, and it’s coming to terms with that that is so very tough.