This most wonderful time of the year can be stressful for those of us with children, as we try and cram work, friends, shopping, cooking, and fun all into what seem to be shorter and shorter days.
It’s hard on us. But think how hard it is on kids! Just tonight, shopping at 8pm, I heard the screams and cries of overtired and frustrated children. Us-we rarely have meltdowns when out in public, and for very good reasons. We have rules for ourselves, and the kids, and for the most part, baring the train table at the book store, they work.
1. No nap, no leaving. Period. If the kids don’t have quiet time/naps, we won’t leave past a certain hour. It’s not worth it. I’m cranky when I’m tired-the same goes for the kids. Throw a busy mall or a long boring bus ride in the mix and WHAM-the fun goes out the window. Anything too close to bedtime is out as well-they’re used to their schedule, and I’ve found that deviating from it by more than a hour or so causes cranky, unpleasant children.
2. Eat! Either we have a good meal before we leave, or we make sure we bring/buy fruit, sandwiches, something that will actually fill them up. Again, I’m short-tempered and, well, mean when I’m hungry – why would I expect my children to be any different?
3. Listen to your child. There are times when you absolutely need to be somewhere, or need to finish things up-if you’re in the grocery line, you have to wait. But browsing through the shoe store isn’t interesting enough for a small child to hold up for longer than 10 minutes. (My oldest actually sat there one day telling me every pair of shoes were “icky” because she wanted to leave.) Have a reasonable idea of what your kids can handle. If you know their fidgets start after 10 minutes, don’t push it to 20 minutes. Have some respect for your children, and try to meet them halfway. Wouldn’t you rather shoe shop alone anyway?
4. Have fun. I’m a total moron out in public-if you see someone dancing and singing while pulling on her ears in the mall, that’s likely me. My kids are happier when I interact with them, even when I’d rather be doing pretty much anything else. A smiling kid is not a kid having a tantrum or screaming like half the kids I saw tonight. Being engaged also helps the kids respect me when I ask them to stop grabbing or to stop the “gimmies”.
5. Know when to pack it in. I’ve been there. I’ve wanted to hit “one more store”. And I’ve payed the price, screaming the entire time, as we waited for the bus, on the bus, once we got home. That is not the time to be selfish and “prove your point”. This is the time to be an adult, and go home.
Don’t get me wrong. Some days, nothing works, and any outing is a lost cause. But more often than not, we’re complemented on how well behaved our children are, mostly because we pay attention to their needs and wants as well as our own.
by Thordora
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, behavior, moods, holidays, naps, home, house, food, eating, shopping, temperament, [/tags]
Photo graciously provided by JBrd, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
2 responses so far ↓
Carl // Dec 18, 2007 at 1:37 pm
You’re spot-on! I have a similar system, but I only only have 2 rules:
1. Maslow always wins. Look up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Biology wins. If we’re hungry, tired, or need to potty, we won’t be able to deal with anything else.
2. Play with them. You might not be as efficient, but it will be much more enjoyable for everybody. The trade-off is worth it.
Ginger // Dec 23, 2007 at 10:01 pm
You are both so right! I remember not too long ago in human years, but eons ago in parent-years, I was so overworked and overstressed I decided to do one less thing a day. To purposefully leave things on my To-Do list. It is an incredible feeling to do this on purpose — and I’ve been doing it ever since! Knowing when to pack it in — with kids or without — is a jewel of a lesson! Thanks for all the other great “rules,” too!
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