There have been too many times over the last year where I’ve stood at the doorway to my son’s play area (not a real room, just a small space behind the living room) and felt pretty sick over the giant mess of toys.
I’ve felt sick over the mess - the enormous, tangled mess of little cars, lego pieces, Dora and friends, wooden blocks, dinosaurs, trains, etc. I’ve also felt sick over the sheer volume - it seems almost criminal to me for one child to have so many toys, most of which are regularly ignored.
So I decided that a change was in order. It was time to stick to my principles; hadn’t I always said my children would not have many toys? Did I not used to go off on Max’s dad every time he came home with yet another toy for him? Time, then, I concluded, to act on my beliefs.
My sister came one morning, and together we cleaned the play area out. All the small pieces - gone. Toys he hadn’t used in months - gone as well. I was merciless, packing away even toys that held sentimental value, mainly because someone we love very much gave that toy.
In the end, there’s still too much for my taste. More even, I’m bothered by the very useless nature of the majority of children’s toys, and I feel some conflict over how to handle this throughout the course of Max’s childhood. I mean, I’m not going to load him up on crappy toys, but I can’t be a meanie, either. And I feel very strongly that children should not have tons of materials goods - not at any age - because when you have everything, you appreciate nothing, and I don’t want that for my child.
Thinking about what toys to allow him to have, I love the ones that make kids use their imagination; for me, that’s what I want for him. If it doesn’t make him get creative, forget it.
So, what do you think these toys are? Am I aiming for something realistic? Should I loosen up and let him have one or two junky toys?
by Tere
Photo graciously provided by alfr3do, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
6 responses so far ↓
Suzanne // Oct 14, 2008 at 4:22 pm
We’re stuck in the same dilemma. It’s nearly time for the birthday of my 4 yr old daughter and 6 yr old son, with X-Mas falling in the middle of them. I’m seriously considering giving some strict “gift guidelines” to both sides of my family, rather than just keep going with it like I have been doing.
AmyL // Oct 14, 2008 at 9:11 pm
My older boys are 10 now, and we’ve been able to gradually move away from the junky toy issue. It’s a difficult situation, especially with older extended relatives who see the kids less often and enjoy the excitement that only a new toy can produce. They don’t understand why I think a nice shirt would actually be more appreciated because they don’t see the kids ignoring the toy after a few days but still wearing the shirt 6 months later.
We cull their toys at least twice a year, with a goal of cutting the pile in half. From the time the boys were 3 or 4, we had them join in the process . It’s been a good experience, and Hubby and I try very hard to respect their wishes to keep items. At the same time we’ll use that to negotiate getting rid of something else.
Sometimes it’s easier to let them keep the junky items until they break at which point we gleefully toss in the trash or at least completely dissect.
It’s fun to take toys apart!
Another thing that worked was to tell them that if they sold enough stuff at the garage sale this year they could use the money to buy a Wii game. Between the broken junk, the toy sale, and the lemonade stand they earned enough for 2 Wii games and I saw 5 trash bags of things go out the door. They still have some items left that didn’t sell and we’re going to try putting them up at a consignment shop. You never know…
Erica // Oct 15, 2008 at 12:31 am
We’ve just had a clearout ready for christmas - giving the ‘babies’ some of our toys. I let Erin decide which to keep and which to give away, only she can decide which ones she most treasures.
I believe a variety of toys are important, this year Erin has been drawn to nearly all role-playing style toys, which is fine by me
Debba // Oct 15, 2008 at 4:20 am
I admit up front, I’m a parent to a dog and cat. (And the dog has a few toys, but not a ton.)
I just thought this was a good idea. A friend of mine has three boys. Every year for Christmas the boys get 3 gifts. Her thought is that the Magi brought three things, so it’s good enough for her kids. And, it manages their expectations.
Nice blog - thanks for sharing
Debba
http://www.girlfriendology.com
Tere // Oct 15, 2008 at 6:20 am
I’m so glad I’m not the only one dealing with this. The more I think about it, the more I think that developing a habit of clearing out on a regular basis - and yes, including the kids - is a good way to go.
I like the idea of having the kids choose what they want to keep, and what will go to needy children (teachable moments).
I also like the thought of 3 gifts for Christmas; I did that last year because I knew he would get som much for all my other relatives.
This year, Santa might be bringing a play kitchen. And probably some clothes.
Because in my house, Santa is a clotheshorse.
Serena // Oct 15, 2008 at 7:02 am
Growing up, my mom had us clean out our toys twice a year - once in the summer, once before Chanukah, and donate them to a local hospital (which I appreciated all the more when my son was in the hospital last year and we played with some of those donations from others!)
Haven’t fully implemented that with my kids yet, but plan to in the future. As soon as the baby outgrows some toys, they are moving on to a new home…
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