Giving New Meaning to Parenting

11 responses so far ↓

• Stu Mark // Mar 30, 2009 at 11:14 am

  With regard to socialization and homeschooling, I wonder about cultural growth. I might have considered homeschooling my kids, but was nervous about them only getting to know a handful of kids who were in or near the same ethnicity or from similar cultural backgrounds. I grew up with a public school system and I ended up getting to know dozens of different cultures and religions, and to this day, still find myself at ease with different people, no matter just how different they are from me. I want that for my kids, for them to be as comfortable and tolerant of the world and its citizens. – Now, it’s possible that homeschooling parents can create that same possibility, I don’t know – hence my hanging out here, talking to you.

• inthefastlane // Mar 30, 2009 at 6:08 pm

  An interesting question. Since I work in a middle school as a counselor, I have helped homeschoolers adjust to school. I see a lot of kids who have been homeschooled for a year or two and it is not a huge issue, but this fall I had two girls who had been homeschooled all the way through until 6th & 8th grade. What I saw was that they struggled with things like, the chaos and noise of a busy cafeteria, or procedural things such was being in the right place at the right time. It may have just been their personalities, but they are doing great now.

  On the other hand, as I watched them adjust, it occurred to me that it almost seemed wrong that we saw these girls has having “Adjustment issues” because it was hard for them to be in a cafeteria with 300 other students. It occurred to me that maybe the institution of education might just be the issue, when we see this herding of children in mass groups as a “normal” thing, and that some of the procedures of school, although possibly necessary for an orderly and safe environment, seem almost to be an oppression or maybe just suppression of children’s spirit and individuality as we force them to conform and to “socialize” to the norms of the educational system.

  That being said, my kids are in public schools… but I am conflicted.

• Anita B // Mar 31, 2009 at 10:11 am

  I will echo inthefastlane, but add my own thoughts. The reason my husband and I decided to homeschool was because of how the ‘institution’ works. I was completely bored out of my mind in school, as was my husband. We dealt with it in very different ways, my husband coming home from school with no homework because he did it in the following class, and me coming home, still bored, not wanting to do the rote work that seemed so mindless to me. As a result, my husband had a 4.0 and I almost flunked out. Now, as a high school educator, I still see this, especially since No Child Left Behind passed-the quicker students seem to be the ones who are left out, though. With regards to socialization, my son can interact with most people. Whether that means being polite or having disagreements, that is still socialization. On the other hand, the boy I nanny goes to preschool in the morning and is like a zombie throughout the day-he has no socialization skills. I don’t really think it depends on how they interact, just that they interact. I’m not talking about a kid who doesn’t know how to deal so he becomes aggressive or has any other type of ‘behavior problems’, but we will all have disagreements with other people, so I don’t think that should be labeled as anti-social. I also think it depends on the child how well he/she will do this, ie the boy I nanny-and have been nannying since July, so he should at least be used to his preschool situation and to me.

• STL Mom // Mar 31, 2009 at 5:16 pm

  Personally, I think that going to school is such a common, normal experience in our country that I would worry about my kids “missing out” on the cultural experience. On the other hand, I haven’t insisted that my daughter join Girl Scouts or watch Hannah Montana, so I’m not consistent. We have cable TV and see lots of movies, but we still haven’t taken our kids to Disney World or taught them to ski, which practically makes us counterculture in our neighborhood.

  I have a friend who teaches high school Chemistry in a public school, and she told me the main issue with kids who were homeschooled isn’t their social skills, it’s their math and science skills.

  Remember that a lot of negative socialization happens in the school situation, as well as positive socialization. Sometimes I’m not sure if my daughter is learning how to deal with negative situations, or if they are just disrupting her learning situation.

• AmyL // Mar 31, 2009 at 6:19 pm

  Stu,

  I can’t speak for all homeschoolers, only myself with regard to culture. To be honest, it’s not much of a factor in my choice to keep the boys at home. There are two reasons for this. 1) We live in an area that is not tremendously diverse so going to school wouldn’t by definition increase their exposure to people who look differently than them; 2) It’s my completely unscientific observation that a lot of the racism of the past is gradually disappearing over time. My kids were surprised to see the word “Historic!!!” on magazine covers regarding Obama’s election and I had to explain that it was because of his skin color. I think Whit mentioned that her kids didn’t notice it either. That’s hopeful.

  It’s true that today there are millions of kids being home schooled, and some pretty big support networks have formed over the past 2 decades. Getting out and being involved in cultural activities is pretty easy for the most part. And, the flexible schedule can allow for more interaction and study rather than less. Many kids study things in school while we have time to actually take a trip and see for ourselves. In 2007 we visited both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. That? Was cool.

  Hubby and I have emphasized to the boys that all people are created in God’s image and are loved equally by Him. Therefore, we should treat all human beings with respect and honor. Period. So far, I think we’re good. I’ve not seen them treat anyone differently because of appearance.

• AmyL // Mar 31, 2009 at 6:41 pm

  Inthefastlane,

  Wow. Thank you for such an honest and thoughtful response. As someone who was schooled entirely in the public system and then taught in it for several years, the choice to home school was not something I arrived at quickly.

  For the record, I firmly believe that each family needs to make its own decision regarding their children’s education. There are several options available and it’s not true that one option is always superior for everyone. I have some friends that considered home schooling and I secretly prayed they wouldn’t.

  Your comment really resonated with me. The public school environment is a world unto itself, and much of it does not apply to life after graduation. Not all of course. And as I said, I loved teaching. Many children thrive in that environment.

  It’s common for people to think that their own choice is the best and then judge others as inferior for choosing differently. I reject that. If your children are in the right place, then they’re in the right place. Don’t worry about what anyone else does…me included.

• AmyL // Mar 31, 2009 at 7:23 pm

  Anita,

  I’ve been out of public education for over a decade, so I have no experience with NCLB and its effects. I’m sorry to hear your assessment of it.

  I always thought socialization=interaction myself and have been puzzled at the question in the first place. Why do we think that children can only be properly socialized when exposed to large groups of other children who may not share similar values? Why do we not trust parents to teach their children proper manners and interaction? And, given that much (not all) of the public school milieu is unique unto itself, why do we worry that children who do not participate will somehow be handicapped?

  Your point about personality and individual development playing a role is key. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

• AmyL // Mar 31, 2009 at 7:47 pm

  STL Mom,

  You’ve just hit on one of the things that I worry about. There are aspects of school that are fun and enriching that I cannot replicate at home. The older boys and I just discussed that very thing last month. I’m doing my best to be honest with the boys about what the trade-offs are.

  If they ever decide to go to school I won’t stand in their way. Much. They’d love to be able to go to school for a week just to see what it’s like but we’ve told them that if they choose to go, they need to do it for the whole school year.

  Math and science, eh? I can see that. I’m tremendously confident in the math program I’m using. Science is an area of a bit less confidence mainly because I haven’t found a curriculum that I really like. Generally speaking the materials we’ve tried so far do not hold interest; I frequently hear “We’ve already done that”. I keep working on it though.

• Stu Mark // Apr 1, 2009 at 9:36 am

  Amy – Thanks for the education – very informative – glad for the schooling.

• Amberlynn // Apr 1, 2009 at 8:57 pm

  This is so interesting. My husband and I have discussed the possibility of homeschooling our kids when they reach school age – and have yet to make a decision. However, your post is about socialization… not the choice between home vs. public.

  I grew up in Utah – so using public school as a means of meeting those who have different values was not very useful. Almost everyone was Mormon. There were a few differences in race, or in wealth, but the Mormon culture dominated most everything. Therefore, my parents had to go the extra mile to expose us to people of a different culture. They very deliberately showed us that “others” were okay, too… outside of school. None of our family live in Utah any more – perhaps because we were made to feel comfortable in other cultural climates.

  Public school worked for me. I had several opportunities, and was exposed to things I wouldn’t have been had my parents been my only teachers. (As my parents were both public school teachers – a lot of organized learning also happened in our home.) Viewpoints of different teachers broadened my perspective, in a good way, I believe.

  The most valuable socialization lessons I learned through school were/are not happy memories. I was seriously picked on for 1.5 school years, spending my recesses hiding, crying. This experience never would have happened at home. Because I endured it, I learned a lot about myself, and a lot about how to treat others. This is not something my parents could have taught me, and I hold it as one of the most valuable lessons of my life.

  So, for me, I don’t think social lessons are all about playing fair with others. Learning to handle criticism, bullies, and hard times is nothing we want to subject our children to – but valuable nonetheless.

  At the same time, I believe LIFE happens to all of us. We will all face challenges, mind benders, mind openers, and changes at some point in our life – homeschooled or not, sheltered or not. No matter what we provide as parents, or as teachers, ultimately, individuals will decide how to go forward.

  I guess my point is, socialization happens. ($%*# happens?) I don’t believe it’s the most important factor in the home vs. school debate.

• AmyL // Apr 14, 2009 at 9:54 pm

  Amberlynn,

  Excellent points all. And I ache for your year and a half of suffering. I can’t recall any one bully picking on me for a long period of time, but I was definitely not one of the children who got along well with others. I was frequently the butt of jokes, especially in middle school. Granted, my own social skills were….poor. Hence the not getting along well with others.

  One of my biggest handicaps? Lack of confidence. Did I gain confidence in that environment? Nope. Yes, I gained strength, but there have been plenty of other challenges in life that I’ve faced outside of school that grew me tremendously.

  Socialization is fairly low on my list of important factors in the home school vs public school debate. However, it’s almost always what people mention when they find out my kids are learning at home. Isn’t that interesting?

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