There’s a fun new Dad-written community blog out there called Dad-o-matic. Chris Brogan has created a place where large handfuls of dads can join together in one spot to talk about all things related to parenting.
Part 1: Nut Free Schools?
Earlier in the week one of the Dad-o-matic contributors, Adjustafresh, wrote about nuts and opened up the question about whether classrooms or even schools should be nut free. This is a widespread debate calling into question the issue of personal responsibility.
I’m not going to re-write my multiple novella length comments here, but I hope you’ll click through and share your thoughts. Here, I’ll just say that having an anaphylactic reaction is not a choice, and avoiding triggers (nuts) is not a preference. This is a medical condition and young children can not be asked to bear the heavy burden of their safety alone. Of course this doesn’t replace the need for personal responsibility; however, a 5 year old is not able to do everything and know everything he needs to know to be safe. He is learning, but he (and his parents) need established protocol to help keep him safe until such an age when he can read and understand food labels with great accuracy. Elementary school is not the right time. Can children with severe peanut and tree nut be kept safe without eliminating nuts completely? Absolutely, but it’s complicated and the logistics in a large group setting are daunting.
While I understand that nut restrictions mean that I am asking you to change your child’s eating habits while she is in school, it is not done lightly. It is asked with grave concerns about the safety of my son and his classmates who have potentially life threatening allergies.
Part 2: Social Stigmas?
Obviously, I talk about allergies a lot. I talk about my health and safety concerns for my son and other children with severe allergies in group settings. I talk about the logistics of prevention and treatment. But my objective today is to illustrate the “softer side” of this topic: the social implications of having allergies. They are real, and while not near the weight of safety, they do impact the emotional weight of parenting a kid with allergies.
My son doesn’t have to ingest nuts to have a reaction, any contact can be a trigger. Aidan’s school is not nut-free. There is a table designated in the cafeteria that is nut-free. One table in a cafeteria which feeds him and 230 of his fellow 3rd graders at one sitting. This year his classroom is supposed to be nut-free. The parents seem to be struggling with supporting the teacher’s decision. It’s a decision the teacher made in conjunction with the school nurse because managing exposure with 22 children is too daunting.
It’s hard for parents to find creative alternatives for lunch, especially for picky eaters. I imagine it can be disappointing when the kids open up their lunch bags. We’re starting out 4th year in the public school. There’s an ostracization that happens to children who have severe food allergies.
It’s my son’s fault that his friends can’t eat their favorite lunch or snack.
It’s my son’s fault that kids can’t eat cupcakes in school on their birthday.
It’s my son’s fault that there are no Halloween or Christmas, or Valentine’s or President’s Day parties where snacks and desserts abound.
It’s my husband’s fault that my children sat far away from their peanut shelling and devouring cousins when there was a family outing to the baseball park.
And it’s my fault that he only ever gets invited to play dates and birthday parties once. Because I have to look at the labels of the food that they are serving. Because I have to go in and explain how to use an Epi-Pen. Because I end up freaking out the parents when I say, “If you have to use the Epi-pen, you’ll also have to cal 9-1-1 and then call me.” It’s my fault.
If I didn’t- if I didn’t say everything that needs to be said and my son wound up in an ambulance or in the ER or in a grave…
And so Aidan learns to talk about his allergies and advocate for himself. He learns not to keep quiet just because he’s worried about his friends reactions. He’s learning these things despite the fact that he’s 8. Despite the fact that he should be worrying about a soccer game or math homework or why Sam told Sally that he wore purple socks.
Because if he doesn’t…
by Megin Hatch
Photo graciously provided by Darius Kay, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.
11 responses so far ↓
Kimberly Herbert // Sep 18, 2008 at 8:05 am
I’m peanut allergic. Here is my position.
The school kitchen should be peanut free, so should school concession stands.
PA students should be able to freely move away from anyone with peanut products.
Tables should be really cleaned between sittings. Spray bottle cleaner, rags changed regularly not used all day.
Classroom and classroom parties should be peanut free.
Any bullying and/or threats regarding peanuts (or other allergens) should be treated the same as threats about knifes, guns, or bombs in schools. Actual attempts at poisoning should be treated as attempted murder (I went to school with a sociopath now doing time in Huntsville Prison).
If your child isn’t being invited back because of your reactions, tone it down a little. Most people do get this and want to protect kids.
I was “reading” labels at age 5 (scanning for the word peanut). By age 8 not only was I really reading labels, I could give a complete medical history.
I grew up going to football games, baseball games, basketball games, rodeo, circus. We had a standard uniform. Tennis shoes, socks, long pants, short sleeve shirt with oversized windbreaker over it.
I couldn’t eat certain snacks, couldn’t go to the petting zoos at events, or have my face painted (related skin allergies). It was simply a fact of life, like the fact the sun rises in the East.
I never felt deprived. Peanuts taste like novicane, petting zoos and face paint hurt. I still got the same number of tickets as my sister and cousins. I waited at the petting zoo or face paint - they waited at the extra ride I got. No big deal.
Now my parents had an advantage over you - I was 2nd generation or 3rd with life threatening allergies (depending on the branch). So it wasn’t as big a shock to their system as you got.
Chris // Sep 18, 2008 at 10:01 am
Megin–I had to mini-novella-comment over there as well.
I’ll fess up and admit: I used to be one of those seemingly insensitive people who didn’t “get it” when it came to food allergies. I mean, what’s wrong with kids today, huh? I get it now, but mostly because I now live in a house full of ADD and have learned about the causal connections of ADD, autism, allergies, and asthma.
Sorry your family is living with such a life-threatening condition…that you have to explain and explain to a sometimes unsympathetic audience.
Sandie Law // Sep 18, 2008 at 10:02 am
Since when do peanut allergies mean you can’t eat cupcakes or other desserts? Sure, you have to be careful with what you buy, but there are loads of options out there. It might be worth it to see if you can get the parents together to chat about allergies and food.
It would be a good chance to talk about healthy foods in the classroom as well. I know my son’s teacher is very frustrated with the snacks parents bring. Everything must be store bought and in individual packages. That means a lot of people pick up Little Debbie type snacks or cookies. Not exactly healthy. I understand and support having treats for parties, but these are daily snacks.
Last year, there was one kid with peanut allergies in my son’s class. His parents brought snacks in for him. No one advised the rest of the parents that he was allergic. My son mentioned it when we were picking out his snack and after that, I made sure we didn’t bring anything with peanuts (or even stuff that was made in the same plants).
This year, we had to send in a form advising the school if our kid has any food allergies. As far as I know, there is no special effort made to give these kids an allergen free area to eat lunch and each classroom is kind of on its own in terms of allergens.
I’m wracking my brain trying to figure out how to get the school to help with these things. My son’s school is pre-k, kindergarten, and 1st grade only. These kids are NOT old enough to manage their potentially life threatening allergies alone.
If you (or anyone else) has suggestions for approaching the school, educating teachers, students, and parents about allergies, and/or helping make the school a safe place are welcome.
Megin Hatch // Sep 18, 2008 at 10:35 am
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Kimberly I was hoping to hear from you on this- it’s so great to have a peanut allergy grown-ups perspective on this. We do take Aidan everywhere, but always with his allergy pack and a reasonable amount of caution. And, your comment last time I wrote about allergy concerns really prompted me to have some conversations with my kid about advocating for himself and trusting his gut. He now goes everywhere with Benadryl and knows he can take it whenever he feels it’s needed, consequences be damned.
I hear you about toning it down, but I have to check all of the labels. My girlfriend’s son has a tree nut allergy, too. She brought him to a birthday party and the mom was so proud and thoughtful. She’d checked all of the labels and everything was safe. Except for the macadamia oil, which she didn’t identify as a nut product. I feel it’s important to take the risk off of the host by checking everything. And when I explain the Epi-pen I am as reassuring as possible. I explain he’s never needed it, and I am confident that he won’t, but that I’m being cautious.
Chris- thanks for sharing here and there. Obviously I understand that these folks aren’t being malicious, but I think it’s good to offer an illustration of the worries and the reality of raising a kid with this condition.
Sandie-
Some of the cake mixes have nut warnings. Some don’t. Same with frostings and decorations. It’s related to what I said to Kimberly- the school takes the risk away from the parent by eliminating the snacks. They do still celebrate with non-food activities. Also, I have always offered to cook anything that needs to be cooked for my kid’s classroom, and a the teachers have taken me up on that often.
As far as talking with school personnel, our school uses the Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network’s Be a PAL program to educate students. You can find great resources here: http://www.foodallergy.org/pal.html
I think it’s wonderful that you are making efforts to talk to folks as a concerned citizen- not the parent of a kid with allergies. Thank you.
Thanks so much for taking the time to share-
-Megin
Sandie Law // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:21 am
Our school won’t let us bring stuff from home…so you have to buy cupcakes from the grocery store if you want to bring them. Those I would not trust to be peanut free. However, our small town has been making more and more room for specialty items (like allergen free stuff). So it’s not unrealistic to think you could provide treats that are safe. BUT…you’d have to be willing to do a little digging.
Of course…that’s just for nuts. What about that kid who’s allergic to dairy, eggs, sesame, fish, soy, wheat, or shellfish? Granted, most kids who are labeled as “allergic” to dairy are actually lactose intolerant…which is a whole different animal. But still…think about how many things you eat with wheat or soy. More kids have peanut allergies and their reactions can be life treatening, so peanuts get a lot of attention.
Along that train of thought…if a school decides to go peanut free to protect its students (and teachers, aids, etc.) with peanut allergies, why shouldn’t they also ban the other big allergens? I think we need to balance the need for safety with desire to save time and money.
To me, having snacks in the classroom is not really necessary. I know I want my kid to eat well and like I said, the snacks other parents provide aren’t always healthy. If snacks are truly warranted (and I’m not convinced they are), why not have the kids go to the cafeteria to eat?
I love the idea of celebrating holidays and such with non-food activities. It reinforces the idea that food is NOT a reward and that we don’t need frosting to have a good time.
I work in the food industry and used to write up specifications used to determine what goes on those labels we all check so thoroughly. Allergen notices are really, really important. That said, some people in the food industry find allergen labeling and segregation to be a hassle.
I feel lucky that I don’t have allergies and neither do my son or husband. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know they exist and don’t care about the safety of kids with allergies. I think people like you are doing a lot to raise awareness about food allergies and I’m very happy to see that.
Okay…enough novel length comments. I’m writing a post! Link to follow.
nancy // Sep 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Thank you all for your comments here. As one who often cooks for large groups, I am aware that people might have allergies and I trust them to be responsible. However, I feel that I need to do as much as I can to prevent illness or anaphylactic shock. I work for a children’s choir, and we require parents to inform us of any allergies our singers might have, so we are careful when we provide snacks or a meal.
Megin, your detailed description how simply touching the nut residue can cause a reaction is extremely helpful. Next time I plan meals and snacks for a weekend retreat, I will pay more attention to the needs of our kids.
Kimberly Herbert // Sep 18, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Sorry the tone it down came off a bit harsh. Yes you should check labels, but maybe step back and look at how you are doing it/coming across.
My family and I always joke about the “secret” code of the labels. I hope it makes others feel that I’m not checking up on them.
Sandie // Sep 19, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Since I wrote such long comments…I figured it was worth writing a post about this. Here’s my link: http://www.macaroniandpeas.com/2008/09/peanut-free-schools/.
STL Mom // Sep 20, 2008 at 1:03 pm
My kids went to a private school for a couple of years that was nut free and although it was a pain in the neck occasionally, it really wasn’t that hard to keep their snacks and lunches clean. Sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter, etc.
We eat a lot of nuts at home, though, so when we invited people over for a party I had to thoroughly clean everything, because I was sure my son had probably smeared peanut butter over every surface in the house at some point. As much as that was a PITA, it made me realize how hard it must be for moms of kids with allergies to know their kids could be encountering these things in any public place. Since knowing kids with allergies, I have become very careful about having my kids wash their hands thoroughly after eating peanut butter, especially before going to school or the park.
It’s a little thing for me to think about, versus a huge danger for the kids with allergies. I really do think most schools should be nut-free zones. I don’t mind being inconvenienced a little bit to potentially save a child’s life.
Kelly // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:20 am
I wanted to cry after reading this post… I have a 2 1/2 year old who’s allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs and garlic and we’ve only just begun to deal with the school issue. So far, we’ve been lucky - it helps that the preschool has had 2 kids that have gone into shock and taken to the hospital - so their insurance is on their back. There are also 2 other kids in our class of 10 with varying food allergies so it’s become a big topic of discussion.
Anyway - your list of “faults” just kills me. It’s not fair to anyone involved and I can just see the tears I’ll have to wipe away when she’s older.
I don’t understand why food allergies aren’t taken seriously - I get the feeling people think you’re “making it up” or “over-reacting”. You’d be looked at like a villian if you said that about a child with Downs Syndrome (I see the food allergies as a “disability” of sorts). Hopefully with time there will be more acceptance from society. Or a cure - I’d be happy with that too!!
Someone wrote about banning other allergens from school as well, not just peanuts. My personal feeling at the moment is it depends on the possible reactions. My daughter’s allergies to eggs and garlic will not put her into shock (unless she ate a TON) - so I’m less concerned with those. I don’t want her to eat them, but if she eats a little by accident it will be ok. So I’m ok with allowing those things in the classroom.
Thanks for the post - the more publicity we can give this topic the better!!
Whitney // Sep 24, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Just nominated GNM Parents for the I love Your Blog award- you can find more information over at http://www.ldpodcast.com!
Thanks again for everything here- I feel very lucky to be a part of this project!
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