Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
Richard Bach
In the past month, I’ve had the good fortune to catch up with several old friends. Even though we haven’t been in constant contact, when we do sit down to talk and catch up, the magic is there. It’s just like I spoke to them yesterday, even if it’s been years- and in one case, it was close to six years since we had last seen each other. It’s an incredible thing.
Each of these friends have been there during a special time in my life, and they just get me on a base level. It’s like we are part of a diverse, extended family that never grew up together, yet, it feels like family, even very early on in our friendship.
As I’ve gotten older, I have three classes of friends: my dearest and best friends, friends, and acquaintances. My best friends are the people I love to hang out with, talk to, or just have coffee. The people who make me feel happier and smarter, just from being in their company. There are men and women on this list, of different ages, backgrounds and religions, but all have that special something that helps our relationship work. We speak the same language. They are the people I can talk to once a year, or less, or even “misplace” from time to time, yet when we talk, there is seemingly no gap in our relationship at all. These are a great group of people. And they are the people I would drop everything for in a heartbeat, move mountains to help- whatever was necessary, with no thought of what was in it for me.
It’s amazing, but I think Richard Bach is right- your true friends do know you better, almost right away, than your acquaintances ever will. There is something, almost chemical, in the way the relationship clicks.
My “regular” friends, in contrast, are people I genuinely like, but we either don’t know each other that well yet, or something hasn’t clicked to move them into the first category, at least yet. I know these people, I am happy to help them, but the connection is just not as instantaneous or as strong. We all have a ton of these friends, but when they leave our sphere, because they move, your kids are no longer in class together, or something else- you probably won’t maintain that relationship.
And acquaintances are the people I know, I might even call them friends, but they aren’t the people I regularly seek out. I don’t get the same energy or joy from them, and I’m sure they don;t get it from me. And that’s okay, too, but we’ll never be close.
When you find those special people that really brighten your life and your day- hold onto them. They are the people you need to have in your life. They give you energy, and you can draw such strength and enjoyment out of even brief conversations - what a powerful thing! I have friends I would put in this category, who I haven’t even spent that much time with- virtual friends from internet and podcasting projects, people who I just enjoy - and many of them are here, on GNM Parents.
Why are friends important to you? What do you want from your friends? What do they want from you? Do you need playdates with your friends as much as your kids do? How do you maintain those long distance friendships over time? And what makes some of these friendships so special and others not?
[tags]friends, friendships, love, respect, support, encouragement, true[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Stuck In Customs, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
3 responses so far ↓
Slouching Mom // May 16, 2007 at 7:26 am
This doesn’t bear on the questions you asked at the end of your thoughtful piece, but I have noticed that as I get older I need and want far fewer friends. As my free time gets more and more limited, all I really require (which, luckily, I have) is two or three close, local friends. And I don’t feel much of a desire at almost 40 to meet and make new friends.
I wonder if that’s common?
Colleen // May 16, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Very much agree with all said here. I too think that I have three classes of friends. I try hard to maintain my dearest friends. Like you said, these friends have all been important to me at different times in my life. I still am close to many of my highschool and college friends (some of whom are my dearest friends). A few years ago I was a Navy Wife and made one of my best friends with a girl whom was in the same boat as I was. Our husbands were underway 3 months at a time and thank GOD for her! Five years later, I still talk to her every few months and see her once a year. each time we get on the phone, it is so easy to connect with her even though we are many miles away and are lives a totally different (she works full time and I stay home).
Friendshipes have always been important to me. Family, Faith, & Friends are the three things I value most in my life.
Jackal // Jul 18, 2007 at 9:52 am
The power of friendships - indeed - they can be devastingly painful and damaging when they go wrong.
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