Yesterday was my daughter’s first day of school. I asked her if she wanted to go early and play on the playground, and she said, “No!”
For a moment I was surprised, because she loves the playground, and then I understood. She’s new to this school, and she would rather walk in at the last minute than play by herself as the other children excitedly greeted their old friends and classmates.
I tried to offer some reassuring thoughts. “You were the new girl last year, too, and remember what great friends you made?” And then she floored me with this reply, “I’m ALWAYS the new girl!” Because she’s right. My daughter has gone to a new school every year since kindergarten - four schools in four years. No, we’re not in the military. Only this last change was caused by a move. We just had a lot of trouble figuring out what our daughter needed.
First, there was the public school kindergarten. When my daughter started crying every time school was mentioned, and her academic skills seemed to be getting worse instead of better, we switched her to a private Montessori elementary school. It was beautiful and calm, and at first she was happier. But as first grade continued, the situation went downhill again. She wasn’t reading, spelling tests were a nightmare, and she was kept in from recess nearly every day for not completing her classroom work.
At this point we realized that if our daughter was failing in two very different school environments, then perhaps the issue was partly within her, and not just the schools. Against the wishes of her school, we had her tested and discovered that she was really smart, and had severe learning disabilities. The woman who tested our daughter recommended a private school just for kids with learning disabilities, and by chance that school had one opening in the 2nd grade class.
Within days at the new school, our daughter was flourishing. She told anyone who would listen that if they had school on Saturday and Sunday, she would go every day. Finally, all her needs were being met, and we could relax, knowing that we had found the right place for her. Except for one problem - my husband was being laid off from his job, and we knew he was unlikely to find a new job in our city.
We felt that we had to give our daughter at least one year at her wonderful new school, so for six months my husband lived in a studio apartment in another city and flew home on weekends. I toured schools before I even started house-hunting in our new town, trying to find a school that would meet our daughter’s educational needs.
I think I’ve found a good school, and as we walk up on the first day, I try to reassure my daughter that everything will work out. She will get the accommodations she needs, kids will not make fun of her because she doesn’t read well, she will make new friends.
And I hope that I’m right. Because I’m about to become a new mom at school, again. For the fourth time. I have to meet the teachers and staff, and join the PTA, and make new friends, just like my daughter. I can’t tell her it will be easy, because it won’t be, for either of us.
But, ready or not, school is starting. We are the new girls, and we’ll be fine.
by STL Mom
Photo graciously provided by pfly, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
3 responses so far ↓
Julie // Sep 10, 2008 at 8:50 am
I think it’s great how you’ve worked so hard to find a school that matches your daughter’s needs. Like you, I’m sure she’ll be fine and the teachers will be great. You’ll be fine, too!!
Thanks for sharing!
EA // Sep 10, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I thinnks good you went to such lengths
to find the right enviroment for your kid. I was moved to new schools about every 2 yrs, and was not diagnosed with dyslexia so each new school had to figure me out all over.
Being new is hard, I think you should share your own difficulties with moving and making new freinds with your daughter. 2 people in the same boat are more likely to hang on to each other
Anne Michelsen // Sep 24, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Ohmigosh, can I ever relate! My firstborn has just started eighth grade, and will be attending his fifth school in the last five years, if you count pulling him out and home schooling for a year as one. (His first four years were a struggle, as well.)
His sixth grade year was the worst. The poor kid was trying so hard, but just couldn’t get it together. We went around and around with the teachers and staff, but they couldn’t be convinced he wasn’t just lazy. (He’s very bright, and they didn’t get how such a smart kid could have such trouble in school.)
I’ll never forget the last day of school that year. I chanced to meet “Mr. Nemesis,” my son’s 7-foot-tall former English teacher, in the hallway.
“Isaac’s trouble is, he just doesn’t care,” the man proclaimed from above.
My jaw just about hit the floor. My son cared so much he’d nearly had a nervous breakdown.
The next year (last year) we ended up paying several thousand dollars’ worth of tuition we couldn’t afford to put him in a neighboring school district, where at least the guidance staff was understanding and willing to work with him. It was much better, but still a daily struggle with homework, organization, etc.
Toward the end of the year the guidance staff tested my son for Asperger’s Syndrome at my request. They concluded that he does have Asperger’s, a mild form of autism characterized by difficulty reading others’ emotional signals. Asperger’s children frequently have major issues with homework and organization. It is also very clear to us that my husband, too, suffers from Asperger’s. Realizing this (about both of them) has been a godsend. I’ve stopped blaming myself for being a bad mom, for not having a normal family social life, etc.
Near the end of the summer we discovered that our home district has a charter school designed for kids who “fall through the cracks” in a traditional school setting. I won’t go into all the differences here but suffice it to say that the nightmare is over.
The other day my daughter noted that her school had a day off coming up, but Isaac’s didn’t. She was kind of smug about it, of course, but Isaac’s answer amazed me.
“That’s O.K., ” he shrugged. “I don’t mind that there’s school. I like school.”
It’s difficult to get across just how earthshattering that statement was, unless you’ve been there.
Ironically, his new school is just two blocks from the house we were living in during his 6th grade year. We just didn’t know it was there because it’s housed in a church basement. And despite all the meetings with teachers and counselors, nobody ever mentioned it.
One of his current teachers surmises it’s because this school is successful at handling a lot of discipline cases, so people think of it as “the naughty school.” Isaac wasn’t a discipline case, so nobody thought to refer him there. Sad to think that there are so many kids failing and acting up because they’re forced into an environment in which it’s impossible for them to thrive.
So, my friend, I wish you well as you start the next round. It’s not easy, but as you know there are places where kids like ours can thrive. Let’s hope you’ve found one.
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