The Music Man or the Pied Piper?

April 19th, 2007 by Graham "Doodaddy" Charles · 7 Comments

saxophonist and toddler Today was the last day of this session of Music Together, which we’ve been doing since Boobaby was about four months old. I know it’s a little pricey for some folks, but it works well to get us moving and singing on cold mornings.

Music class is one of many occasions when I’m the only dad, more often than not. Frequently, in such situations, several of the kids gravitate towards me in attention-seeking mode. Today I had three on my lap at one point, none of which was my own baby, who of course is totally over me, and was busily climbing over the drums.

Now, I’m not one of those parents who tries pointedly to ingratiate themselves with others’ babies (but I don’t avoid them, either). Nonetheless, I get a lot of toddler love in playgroups, classes, and at the playground. I assume that it relates to nothing more than my maleness — perhaps they miss a male parent off at work — but I suppose it could just as easily have to do with my level of engagement.

The thing is, some parents and nannies don’t really “play along” at music class, or in other play settings like the sandbox. I sense a lot of tentativeness — embarrassment? — from parents who are asked to sing or dance or do other “juvenile” things. I’m pretty free of such sensitivities, thanks, probably, to my many years of presiding over spitting contests and making sand castles with fourth graders.

So for whatever reason, some babies seek me out. Outwardly, I don’t make a big deal of it, but inside I feel it as a huge compliment. Unfortunately, it’s a compliment that can be taken a little hard by the other parent. All talk of “independence” and “sociability” aside, I think we all feel a little pang when our baby chooses to spend time with another parent (or friend, or relative, or teacher) over us. I’ve certainly noticed other moms looking at me a little sideways as I fascinate their kid with a worm or by making a dramatically gross face.

Toddler rejection sucks, but I don’t fool myself that I’m some sort of replacement: I just think that most kids who feel safe in their situation will seek out novelty. If anything, the fact that their kids feel comfortable approaching another adult in a group setting speaks volumes about their successful parenting.

Still, the moral for me was clear: I decided to be novel! I sing out! I’m the one who blows the bubbles and digs up the bugs and makes silly faces!

The way I figure it, there’s one goof in every crowd of parents, so it might as well be me.

[tags]pregnancy, advice, parenting [/tags]

Sax photo graciously provided by stvkrn, used under a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

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7 responses so far ↓

Thordora // Apr 19, 2007 at 1:17 pm

My husband is like that as well-kids love him. It’s really sweet to watch.

As a mother of two kids who will NOT leave me alone, I would LOVE for them to be fascinated with someone else for a change!
Slouching Mom // Apr 19, 2007 at 1:27 pm

Keep being the goof. Goofs are good. We all should be a little more child-like.
Doodaddy // Apr 19, 2007 at 3:46 pm

@Thordora~ I expect we’ll go through mommy phases and daddy phases, and I’ll be happy for whatever I get!

@slouch~ Thanks! I’m not sure I could do anything but!

Dd.
Megin Hatch // Apr 19, 2007 at 7:19 pm

I thought about this for a bit, to make sure. I really like when my children connect with other adults. I feel like they warm to people pretty easily, and I like when they are secure enough to interact with them independent from me.

It’s only a little scary… not even scary, just enough to make me pause for a second. They definitely seem to read my cues.

Good for you, I don’t think I’d mind a bit if my kids were hanging out with you. Enjoy.

-Megin
Stu Mark // Apr 19, 2007 at 7:50 pm

I *love* it when other humans dig my kids. I feel nothing but pride, and excitement for the fact my kids are getting face time with another human. Ok, so that was two things. Oh, wait, I thought of a third: I feel a little scared sometimes, if I’m picking up a weird vibe from a stranger. It doesn’t happen that often, but every once in a while, I see my kid talking to a stranger, and the stranger is giving me the eye, and then my kid gets the eye, and then I’ve had enough, and I excuse us, suggesting that we’re late for a fire.

But other than that, I’m cool with the contact. I really understand how exposure to different is food for the brain.
Annie // Apr 20, 2007 at 7:27 am

I really don’t mind being the “goofball”. Though people really look at me weird while I’m singing The Wiggles and the Backyardigans songs with my kids in the car.

So blow more bubbles and make more funny faces, I say. And draw on the driveway with chalk. (I did that once w/Michael and my hubby completely freaked!)
Doodaddy // Apr 20, 2007 at 9:03 am

@Stu & Megin~ You’d be surprised at the range of reactions I get. Gratitude (for giving them a five minute break), annoyance (beats me why), competitiveness (”Look, I can show you a better bug!”), and sometimes just enthusiastic participation (the best, of course!).

@Annie~ Your husband freaked when you chalked the driveway? Or because he wasn’t home to play, too?

Thanks, all, for commenting!

Dd.