I am a divorced parent. I experience a multitude of emotions that are tremendously overwhelming. These feelings are difficult to understand, extremely painful, and change often depending on the day. There are many things that help me cope with these feelings, but nothing as strong as the relationship I have with my daughter, Hanna.
Before the divorce, my focus was on my marriage, fighting the daily battle to keep it alive. I focused so much energy on my marriage that I lost who I am. Even worse, I wasn’t focused on my relationship with Hanna.
I have always understood the unconditional love I have for Hanna, but finally having quality one-on-one time has shown me the unconditional love Hanna has for me. More importantly, it has made me appreciate the power and importance of her love. It is the only remedy for helping me overcome all of these negative feelings.
I just had my 33rd birthday and Hanna wanted to have a Birthday party for me. As my divorce was just 12 days old, I really did not feel like celebrating, however I did want to spend the day with her. We went out to lunch at her favorite restaurant, Applebee’s (They have pink balloons with blue ribbons). After lunch we picked up ice cream, candles, and a card she selected all by herself.
When we got back to the house, she went into her room and picked out her favorite tiara for the birthday boy to wear, and signed her name in the card. She dished out the ice cream and put a candle in each bowl, and as I lit the candles she sang Happy Birthday to me. I sat there with the undersized Cinderella tiara on my head, knowing that it was, by far, the best Birthday I have ever had.
A child’s unconditional love can be powerful. Experience it. Appreciate it. Wear a tiara and live in your child’s world. Spend quality one-on-one time with your child. Hanna’s love is strong enough to combat the extremely painful emotions of a divorce.
My worst days are erased in seconds with these four words:
“Daddy, I love you.”
Life can be sad and lonely. It helps me to remember how lucky I am to have the most precious person in my life. My beautiful little girl loves me unconditionally.
Thanks to Alice Tiara for the photo, used under a Creative Common’s license.
[tags]love, children, daughter, father, relationships[/tags]
7 responses so far ↓
Megin Hatch // Feb 8, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I keep thinking about this - Hanna must have so many adjustments to make, it’s great that you are indulging her whims. I imagine she will have a lot of special memories of her Dad sitting around in a tiara.
Seems like each of you is lucky to have the other.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Oh, and I hope you took pictures!
Stu Mark // Feb 8, 2007 at 5:29 pm
As a first-time married guy stepping into the role of Husband and Step-Father to a woman and kids who had been temporarily ground under the heel of divorce, I was moved to tears by your essay.
Your love for your daughter is what’s real. You in a tiara, I’ve been there with my daughter (step-daughter, but I don’t use the step part in normal life) and it’s a beautiful feeling. To be swept up in her world, to feel her love radiate through her eyes, boy howdy, that is some love right there. Like the Sun just showed up inside your house.
Cali // Feb 8, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Thank you for the kind words.
Lucky for me, I let Hanna take the pictures. The first one is a picture of my feet and the other is the light fixture above!
Cali // Feb 8, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Stu,
One of the hardest consequences of divorce is loosing control of the people entering your child’s life.
It is conforting to know that there are men like you out there that understand the importance of their role and influence as a step parent.
To see someone who truly embraces and apreciates the love they recieve from their step-children is amazing.
Suldog // Feb 8, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Wonderful post. It takes serious love to make a man admit to wearing a tiny tiara. God bless you.
(I suppose he has, already, no?)
Erica // Feb 8, 2007 at 6:05 pm
*Very* moving post Cali. I was brought up in a one parent family from two years old, thank you for sharing.
Hanna sounds wonderful, it’s amazing how resilient kids are.
Momma L // Feb 9, 2007 at 4:43 pm
I know you well(better than you think). Hanna is a very lucky little girl to have you for a Daddy.
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