Allow me to preface this week’s column: I love my wife and I ran this past her before submitting it. In point of fact, I didn’t want to write it and she challenged me, pushing me to do it, because she thought it might help others.
That said, let me tell you: my wife is a workaholic. Has been for years, but as she takes on more and more responsibility, her need to put in the hard time is every increasing. This past week, just an example, in 5 days, she logged at least 60 hours. Thursday night, she arrived home after midnight.
Me, I get it. She is a high-level person at the Fortune 500 company that keeps the lights on at our house. The long hours come with the paycheck.
But my kids are growing up and she’s missing it.
So I take it, as part of my job as house-husband, to schedule time for my wife to be with the kids, to act as a program coordinator for bike rides and shopping trips and storytime with Mommy. I act as an interface between them, when their schedules make it impossible for a one-on-one between them. A sort of personal secretary for all of them.
My point is to suggest that this role is just as important as my role as dietitian and fitness-coach and way more important than my role as laundrette It’s an easy job to overlook, but it’s crucial that my kids grow up with a steady, emotionally secure relationship with their Mom, even if it’s only for a few hours at a time.
At the same time, I must pay attention to my wife’s feelings, to make sure that I don’t diminish her, by reducing her to 2nd banana, just because she’s not around as much.
I’ll tell you, it’s times like this that make doing laundry an absolute pleasure.
[tags]teen, tween, parent, breadwinner, emotions, son, daughter, parenting, love, relationships [/tags]
Photo courtesy of rwitte, used under a Creative Commons License.
4 responses so far ↓
Mr. Fabulous // Jan 15, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Awesome. I am sending some laundry over…
Whitney // Jan 16, 2007 at 1:20 am
Stu- I love this because it is a lesson to everyone. Some days, there doesn;t seem to be enough time to do everything we want, and sometimes work is easier than home life. We have a general family policy of one day a weekend being dedicated to something as a family- we go to museums in Philly or Baltimore, go out for a meal, play games- and generally spend time doing fun stuff. It keeps us close, and helps make sure we all interact on a regular basis even when life is crazy busy.
Annie // Jan 17, 2007 at 10:40 pm
I feel your pain, Stu…
My hubby has been given a lot more responsibility at his job and he’s usually gone “mentally” before he physically leaves in the morning…he’s already thinking about what’s at work even as he puts together the kids’ breakfasts.
Stu Mark // Jan 17, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Thanks Annie, sincerely.
Yeah, it’s tough. I, sometimes, in my stupider moments, actually wish I was married to someone in a regular-hours job. Just so they could be there in the kids face, not so-much a stranger. I mean, the kids know her and relate to her, and she was a single mom for a number of years before I came along. But I know that both kids would easily trade their most prized possessions in exchange for an extra two hours a day with her.
And I get it, ’cause she’s amazing.
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