Grasshopper New Media Presents...

Yesterday we had the privilege of welcoming a new addition to our “big” family. (We use the terms big and little family to differentiate between the incredibly huge family that includes grandmothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and our smaller immediate family). We are blessed that huge is truly huge and there is a ton of love within those family walls.

So, I held a 5 hour-old baby and, as you might expect, wondered at the incredible flash of time that has passed since I held my own newborns. I recognized the exhaustion in the eyes of the new parents that was deeply shadowed by awe and newly blossomed respect for one another. Can you ever look at your spouse the same way once they become a father or a mother?

I loved watching the new family. But that’s not today’s topic.

I expected my boys to experience this pregnancy differently. For months we watched the soon-to-be Mom’s belly grow and talked about meeting the new cousin. At the advanced ages of 5 and 7, I’ve imagined all of the possible scenarios in which I am shoved in front of a fast moving train by the question I have been anticipating for years and years:

Hey Mom, where do babies come from?

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Ok, now, stop it. I am not a prude. I want very much to be able to talk to my kids about anything and everything. I want them to know that they can come to me and know that they will be told the truth, that they will be respected. I want them to know that they are welcome to share anything. As a matter of fact, when the kids ask me, “Mom, can I tell you something?” I have always had exactly the same response. “(Aidan, Clay, Lucy), you can tell me anything.”

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My dirty secret is that I don’t want to have the “sex” talk with them for another 20 years. Really. That’s different from anatomy discussions. I am fine with the whole penis, vagina thing. I’ve never made up names for anything and my boys only rarely refer to their “wieners.” (I promise the following snippet of conversation actually occurred: Me: “Your what?” Son:”My wiener.” Me:”A wiener is a hotdog. Do you mean your penis?”)

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Back to today:

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I loaded the kids in the car after school and we headed to the hospital. As I buckled up I took a deep breath, knowing that during the 45 minute ride to the hospital, one of the boys might push me out in front of that aforementioned train. After all, it’s a long time to think about meeting a new baby.

Imagine my great shock and surprise when just barely 3 year-old Lucy asks… “Mama, how did da baby get out?”

Uhhh… what?? Oh, yes, tossed in front of the train, but by my baby! I needed to buy time. I scrolled through my best responses. I knew that any moment she would repeat the question… and I needed a moment to script my reply and look several moves ahead to where the conversation would lead. My boys would pay attention, it would spark an inquiry. Their questions would be different from Lucy’s. They would require more information. Too much information for Lucy to process. I must step lightly.

Yes, I needed a moment. So, I did what most brilliant parents would do in that situation. I turned up the radio.

Guess what… she never asked again. I am still sighing. It’s not just that I am nervous about broaching the topic. It’s also knowing that the full truth would be too much for Lucy to process, yet a simplification might lead to further probing by the big brothers… which would be too much for Lucy… which, well, you get it. So, I took my daughter’s uncharacteristic lack of persistence as a cue. She dropped the subject and I allowed it.

I know that when it actually comes up again, I will handle it. I will look for cues about how much information is enough or too much. I will be honest, but I will offer them an appropriately portioned size of information. If it strikes me as an inappropriate time to have the conversation, I will suggest that we talk about it later that day (not never, just later). I know I’ll get through it and I hope to leave the conversation feeling as though I’ve reinforced my child’s belief that we can talk about anything.

So… spill it. What’s your experience with the birds and the bees? With childbirth discussions? If you haven’t been down that road, what’s your plan? Who’s your role model? What scares you? Excites you? Did/will you bring it up? Are you waiting for your child to broach the topic?

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[tags]sex education, explaining birth, parenting, the talk, birds, bees, penis, vagina, intercourse, life, questions, nature[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Lsianny85, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved