Cara turned ten months this week and for some reason it hit me harder than her other “birthdays” have.
This melancholy got me to thinking about the little things that you, as a mother, have to figure out for yourself when it comes to mothering.
This is what I came up with:
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1. You will get more “newborn” sized clothes than your child will ever be able to wear. Don’t remove the tags in your flurry of nesting [must wash everything now!] madness.
2. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t instantly fall head over heals in love with your newborn. I think that this is the biggest “dirty little secret” that no one talks about.
3. Breastfeeding may be “natural”, but it’s not something you or your baby are born knowing how to do. It takes time and work to figure it all out.
4. Don’t be surprised if your child wants to nurse for five hours straight when they’re young. Chances are, things are fine. You are doing things “right” and your baby is just building up your supply.
5. Developmental milestones are a guide. Your child may hit them all very early [like Cara] or late [like my friend’s son]. But, as long as your baby is progressing, you can breath a small sigh of relief.
6. Everyone has an opinion. How you choose to parent your baby is going to be different from how someone else parents their baby. You will receive more unsolicited advice than you can imagine.
7. The medical definition of “sleeping through the night” is sleeping for four-five hours. Don’t be surprised if this doesn’t happen for a very long time.
8. You are not “spoiling” your baby by holding him all of the time. Ignore the people who say that you are.
9. Just when you think that you have everything figured out, your baby will change the rules on you. Take a deep breath and go with the flow.
10. Go with your gut. Only you really know what your baby needs; trust yourself.
What have you discovered now that you’re a mom [or dad]?
[tags]kids, children, baby, babies, infants, sleep, lessons, learning, adjusting, feeding, holding, nurturing, learning[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by childish_david, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
13 responses so far ↓
MC Milker // Sep 6, 2007 at 5:31 am
Great post- especially the “sleeping through the night” part…I think many parents forget the true definition.
I learned that babies do cry all the time, sometimes for a good, but undiscernable reason - Mommy guilt follows when the cause is discovered- but that’s just part of mothering!
SusieJ // Sep 6, 2007 at 6:23 am
I love the 5 hours of nursing. Nursing truly is a great way to relax — and it’s the perfect way to keep baby and mom content.
And no, you don’t spoil the baby by holding it. I can’t believe people say that — it’s just so silly.
Happy 10 months.
Stu Mark // Sep 6, 2007 at 6:31 am
There have been scientific studies that show that not only is holding your baby bad for it’s emotional growth, but also that if you look at it more than once a day, the baby will grow up to be a welfare case.
Ok, seriously, does anyone remember those studies they did with real monkey mother/baby teams vs. real monkey baby/mechanical mothers? They showed that while the baby was attracted enough to the dummy coated with fur and a milk-producing nozzle, that they grew up in poorer health than the one’s that grew up with the real mother and her love and attention.
No more bombs… Send a bunch of lonely people to Iraq and let’s give some hugs, and maybe a nice smile and some validation. But hey, that’s me.
A. Tucker // Sep 6, 2007 at 6:57 am
I just went and looked up the “monkey experiment” in one of my psychology books and it was Harlow at the University of Wisconsin in 1966 who did the study.
Hugs not guns.
MrsBigDubya // Sep 6, 2007 at 7:03 am
Those are all awesome — and thank you for the breastfeeding one — before I had my son I thought — put baby to boob….. not rocket science, but it is so much more than that.
How about these nuggets:
You aren’t going to wear your size 4 jeans home from the hospital…. and that’s okay
Your first post-baby period is HEAVY!!!!
Breastfeeding hurts at first…. a lot — and it hurts again with the second child…. in both cases it gets better of course, but…. nobody told me it would hurt!
Great post!
A. Tucker // Sep 6, 2007 at 7:34 am
“You aren’t going to wear your size 4 jeans home from the hospital”
I totally forgot that one! Let’s change the 4 to a 14 though, ok?
I can remember when I was little [maybe 10?], I saw a lady with a newborn baby and she still looked pregnant. I thought, “Is she pregnant AGAIN?”
No one warns you that it takes a while for things to “go back to normal”.
Wacky Mommy // Sep 6, 2007 at 8:11 am
When do things go back to normal? Please tell me!
Stu Mark // Sep 6, 2007 at 10:21 am
Harlow! Right on.
As for things going back to normal, WackyMommy, they absolutely go back to normal - when they leave for college.
And to all the mothers out there - any man who gives you so much as a less-than-pleasant look about your shape (pregnant or after or before), that guy is an idiot. To quote Pulp Fiction’s Fabienne - “It’s unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same. “
AmyL // Sep 6, 2007 at 11:08 am
Lol. I remember the first time my mother-in-law plopped the babies into swings and went outside to get the mail. I was shocked. You can DO that??? I thought I had to be watching newborns every second. Oh, the freedom in that discovery! I was afraid to even put them in the crib to sleep and walk away.
Melissa // Sep 6, 2007 at 11:25 am
Oh how I love this list! My two sisters are both about to welcome babies (one with her third, the other her second). I think I am going to print out your column as a reminder to be kind to themselves.
I had to learn all of the above the hard way, but the particularly painful ones were that breastfeeding takes work (and sometimes yeast infections and blocked ducts make it torture!), and the whole upheaval to your life with baby number one isn’t the starry-eyed love fest that people expect you to be feeling. Eventually, but sometimes not right away. And that’s ok!
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for this list. You just made my day and you have no idea just how much.
Tere // Sep 7, 2007 at 7:46 am
VERY good advice! Number 3 resonates with me - I think many moms quit breastfeeding because it doesn’t “just happen”, without thinking that both mom and baby have to learn!
And 7 is dead-on. I get frustrated with new parents’ obsession with getting their babies to sleep ALL night - it’s unrealistic!
Ah, and #8: so very true! Babies need to be held and to feel safe. And for me personally, if holding my son so much and getting to feel his tiny body against mine and his breath on my neck was “bad” - then fine, I’ll happily be a “bad”, spoiling parent!!
Megin Hatch // Sep 7, 2007 at 11:55 am
This is beautiful!
Question: what exactly is normal?
Trust your babe and yourself. Especially re: nursing! I know this is controversial at times- but screw schedule and be flexible. It pays off big.
Thanks Amy- this is great!
nana // Sep 23, 2007 at 11:56 am
i have almost eleven months of mothering and i think you are right in most points!
the furry against tags in clothes; hehe!
and my long nights also have five, six hours of sleep!
but we, mothers!and babies get better very minute!
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