There is a debate circling schools, states, and the parents of multiples. Many schools have created policies of mandatory separation for twins (or high-order multiples) once they enter kindergarten. Many parents of multiples are angry and are fighting the schools or trying to pass federal or state legislation that would allow them to keep their children together in the classroom.
As a mom of twin girls I can see both sides of the argument. Unlike a lot of the parents of multiples, I believe that my twin daughters will do better if they are in separate classrooms. I would like to see them make their own set of friends, progress academically at their own pace, and to some extent have their own individual experiences. I recognize that, it the world of multiples, I am advocating for the “wrong” side. I never dressed my fraternal twins alike either, so I guess I’m keeping with my own individually too.
A recent article I read listed the reasons for separating multiples as well as the reasons to keep them together. Reasons to separate your twins in the classroom: they tend to play together (meaning they are not good at making their own friends), they are competitive with each other, tendency for one twin to dominate the other, etc. The reasons to keep them together were the opposite of the reasons to separate, along with a few others such as convenience, the twin bond, etc.
Based on the short quiz, my girls fell into the “separate” category. When I pick them up from daycare they are ALWAYS playing together. At home they do compete with each other - mainly for attention. And tend to want what the other one has, whether it be a toy or type of cereal. In my opinion, it will be good for them to be separated once they enter kindergarten. I anticipate they’ll appreciate each other more when they are at home playing together and I hope they’ll grow into their own little individuals, which I suspect will decrease their dependency for one another (something that will be beneficial as they get older).
One of the issues I have with the parents of twins/multiples fighting for their rights, is what about the parents of a single child? These parents generally have little say over which teacher their child is assigned. So, why as a parent of twins do we think we should be extended different privileges? I’m sure that just as the twin/multiples community is fighting for the right to choose what is best for their child there are other parents upset that because we get to decide what is best for OUR children for the simple fact that we had multiples.
What do you think - should twins/multiples be given special consideration for classroom placement?
by Kelly Damron
Photo graciously provided by Ruthieki, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
6 responses so far ↓
Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) // Jul 13, 2008 at 5:37 am
As a mom of 7-year-old fraternal twin boys, I believe that it depends on the twins’/multiples’ personality. If they are not dependent on each other, then let them stay in the same class together. If you have an ultra-competitive set of multiples (like mine… “I do this better than ____”), then get them separated.
As always, your mileage may vary. My twins were together all through preschool and kindergarten. I separated them in 1st grade, and I noticed immediately a huge difference. My boys needed their own space and time to develop on their own, and make their own friendships.
Just some food for thought. This is always a HOTLY debated topic with moms of multiples. I hope you find the answer you need!
Warm regards,
Michelle aka The BearTwinsMom
Ticia // Jul 13, 2008 at 6:01 am
Actually parents of singles can have the same amount of control of their teacher as parents of twins can. Most, don’t choose to exercise it. Parents can request a specific teacher for their child, just like we can request our twins be in the same classroom. To the extent that they are able the school will follow your request. But, it’s up to us to make that request. I honestly have no clue what I’ll do with my boys once they reach school age, but thankfully it’s still a few years away, and we’ll see what we do.
STL Mom // Jul 13, 2008 at 12:17 pm
My daughter had a rough time in kindergarten, and I mentioned it to another mom, who had a twin in each class. She said she could see a huge difference between the two teachers, in terms of organization, communication, and material being covered — even though both were supposedly using the same curriculum.
I can see this being an issue with twins if the teachers are unequal in their skills. If one kid is learning a lot more than the other, is it because the kids are different or the teachers are? What if one kid hates school and the other loves it? On the other hand, maybe it’s good for everyone to realize early on that life isn’t fair, and even identical twins are not always going to get all the same experiences and opportunities.
It would be interesting to get comments from parents who are twins, instead of parents of twins.
nancy // Jul 13, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I am an adult twin. My sister and I were together in some grades, separated in others. When separated, we grew as individuals. When together, our teachers compared us to each other, creating competition and hurt. In a very small town and being the only twins, we were quite aware of what they were saying. We are very different from each other in personality and interests, and it was great to get to high school where we were nurtured as individuals.
Rayne of Terror // Jul 13, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I’m an adult fraternal twin. My sister and I were together in preschool and kindergarden, then separate in 1-3. My sister got a string of poor teachers and was falling behind where my classroom was, so in 4-6 we were in the same classroom. In junior high and high school we were in most of the same classes by default as there was only one gifted track. We also had the same extracurriculars, band, speech, swim team, my sister did theater and I had boyfriends. It was probably too much for me, because I applied and got accepted (unbenownst to my folks) to an academic residential high school. So my twin and I spent junior and senior of high school in schools 3 hours apart. I liked not being defined by my twinness. Then we ended up going to the same small university (financial aid we couldn’t refuse) but in different majors. We distinguished ourselves in different groups and activities in college, only seeing each other when we wanted to.
As adults we’re close but we’re pretty different. She’s a pro-blogger and I’m an attorney. I’m married with a kid in a rural area and she’s single in Chicago.
Kelly Damron // Jul 15, 2008 at 9:49 am
STL Mom,
You bring up points that I’ve considered and I know may make it difficult for me once my twins enter school - the difference in teaching styles or learning patterns of the child. I don’t think this concern/issue is any different for parents of singletons as I know there were some grades where I had great teachers and others not-so hot teachers. Thanks for your comment.
Nancy, it’s good to hear a twin discuss how much individually is important to them. I’m trying to instill as much individuality as possible into my fraternal twins, hopefully I don’t go overboard!
Rayne of Terror - how/when did you decide there was too much twinness and that you wanted to be separate from your sister? Did your parents play the twin card a lot or just the school?
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