If you are just beginning to homeschool I am sure that you are worried about how to respond to negative comments from others regarding your decision. I stressed over how to tell my family, my in-laws, and my friends. I also worried about telling the cashier at the grocery store when she asked why my kids weren’t in school. I dreamt up hundreds of different scenarios and tried to plot out the best response. I’ve finally discovered how to handle most comments from other people.
It’s really very simple. Just repeat what they’ve said to you only change “homeschool” to “public school.”
For example: “I can’t believe you’ve chosen to homeschool! Aren’t you scared?” You reply “I can’t believe you’ve chosen to send your kids to public school! Aren’t you scared?” Or how about “If you homeschool your kids are going to grow up to be weird/socially retarded/dumb/insert your judgy-judgemental and totally inappropriate word of choice here.” “Well, if you public school…” See? Easy!
Obviously this won’t work for EVERY scenario, but it works for quite a few. Also, I don’t actually feel that public school is a bad place, but I do have reservations about it for MY CHILDREN. I do not care if other people send THEIR CHILDREN there and would like them to extend the same respect to me. If you use this response with a family member or friend you should probably follow up with an explanation that you aren’t actually judging them for sending their kids to public school, you just want them to see how it feels when someone questions a decision that is really none of their business. And then call them Judgy McJudgerson and stick your tongue out at them. Works every time.
Handling these situations with people you care about can be tough. I have a friend who will not get over the fact that I homeschool. She just can’t stop telling me how I am screwing up my kid. I love her, she’s a great person, but honestly our relationship is much different than it was before I began homeschooling. I avoid her and I won’t hang out with her if my kids are around, because I’m worried about what she will say to them or in front of them. I’m sad that our friendship is nearly dead over something like this, but at the same time I know that I am doing what is best for my family and that is what is important. If other people don’t like it, that is their issue. I won’t let it be mine.
What is your favorite response to the critics?
4 responses so far ↓
Angel Funk // Jul 11, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Hey there! I have a 3 year old and we are contemplating homeschooling. I worry about the grandparents and aunts making a big stink out of it, or at least gossiping about it when I’m not around.
When you switch the language around to say “public school” instead of “homeschool” does it cause more conflict? I’ve heard some say that they just smile and nod and then do as they like.
Karly // Jul 11, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Hi Angel,
I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with the person you are speaking with and the tone of voice you use. If you are not trying to offend just be sure to word it nicely and explain your position. I tend to use this response when I am irritable and don’t have the patience to deal with someone who is asking me questions that don’t concern them (for example, the nosy lady at the playground who is acting so appalled by my decision to homeschool). Smiling and nodding would also work just fine if you are a nicer person than me.
When you are first explaining your decision to homeschool to family members, I would just lay it out there for them. Be honest and explain your reasons. Be prepared for some tough questions, gather as many facts as you can (I even printed out statistics from credible websites), and tell them that you hope they’ll accept your decision. It might take a while for them to see that homeschooling is not a bad thing, but chances are that they’ll get it. My Grandmother-in-law is not so keen on the idea and gets her digs in every now and then, but with her I tend to ignore it. There’s really no arguing with a person like that anyway.
Good luck with your decision!
Karly
Anita B // Jul 12, 2008 at 7:50 am
Kudos for you! We have a son who will be 2 in September, but we decided to homeschool back before we got married-in 2001. It was one of those discussions we had when we were dating! Luckily, we both were on the same page. We’ve also been telling family since then, so they understand. My friends that I’ve met since then think it’s a great idea. I know I will encounter opposition in the future, I just hope I won’t cave and stand up for my decisions. Thanks!
Debbie // Jul 23, 2008 at 8:48 am
Adoptive parents get a lot of judgmental comments, too. I usually begin my response with, “Why do you ask?” so I can quell my temper and find out where they’re coming from; then I can say something intelligent.
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