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I remember middle school as a pretty simple time when kids wanted to be on safety patrol, girls had pajama parties, and we went to our first school dance. Everyone was pretty nice and fairly naïve. That’s why I was surprised when my son came home from a middle school sleepover event with a faith-based youth group and told me it wasn’t much fun. When I asked him why, he said it was the kids themselves. They were rude (trying to push over some moon jumping thing until the counselors had to shut it down); they were excluding kids (those were my son’s words, not mine) and one clique was making a big scene playing spin the bottle. Now, of course I realize that bad manners exist (even occasionally in my own home – no gasping), and there have been cliques since the beginning of time (I’m willing to bet Neanderthal children had their “queen bees” and “wannabees.”) For boys it’s a little different — my son seems to be able move between most of the groups and hang out with a lot of different friends. But he really, really doesn’t like it when kids are mean to other kids. I’m not saying he stands up for every bullied child, but more than one mom/teacher/counselor has commented on his “moral compass.” (Of course, when it has to do with me, fuggedaboutit – in that case he’s always right. Oops, sorry, I forgot my Teen-Training Tip number 1: never use words like “never” and “always.”) Anyway, I asked him if the counselors knew the kids were being exclusionary and playing spin the bottle. He said yes. (Well, he said, “Yeah.”)

Now, I get that this is the age that kids will start to have boyfriends and girlfriends, “go steady,” slow dance at parties, and even play spin the bottle. But isn’t that supposed to be done in the dark in somebody’s basement after the parents have gone to sleep? Not at a community center-sanctioned event where you pay to participate and there are adult counselors. I’m thinking that it is the counselors’ job to engage the kids in something else if they are being mean or rude; to get the kids doing something that requires them to be on a team or something. Or at the very least tell them that certain behavior is unacceptable and they’ll be asked to leave if they don’t give it a rest. I mean, spin the bottle? Shouldn’t the counselors just grab the bottle and start up a nice, clean game of Dance Dance Revolution?

It’s not like I’m up in arms that kids are kissing – although I do think 6th grade is kind of young – but it’s the boldness of playing in front of adults and in front of other kids who are NOT playing, and the lack of … common sense? authority? by those in charge. I know a lot of people say that we are raising a generation of overindulged, pampered, and ill-mannered teens, but maybe we should look at our own generation to see why that’s happening.

If you have kids, nieces, nephews, students or friends in this age group, I’d love to hear how you weigh in on this. Should I call the program director? Should I just let it go? WWMD? (What Would Mom Do?)

Thanks. Just one more reason for me to keep my bottles locked up…

by Ginger

[tags]parents, kids, children, relationships, spin the bottle, kissing, middle school, relationships, going steady, dating, respect[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by A Look Askance, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved