We all want to see ourselves reflected in our children, even if we protest otherwise. It’s natural, primal, even. We procreate, after all, to live on for eternity in generations to come.
When The Poo was born, she looked like most newborns, and resembled nothing more than a little old man. An irritated little old man. I wanted to find her beautiful; I found myself seeking reassurance that she was a pretty baby.
“She’s pretty, right?” I asked my mother. “She doesn’t look funny to you?”
Because I found her appearance to be downright scary. She was red and small and wailing.
And they were going to make me take her home.
Of course I grew accustomed to her unique features, and as she filled out and pinked up I saw the hypnotizing beauty that is all her own. I dressed her in ways that amused me and I took her picture every time she blinked. I was smitten and still am.
As she grew, those around us were eager to take credit for her pleasing countenance.
“She looks just like your father,” said my mother, the grieving widow. “The spitting image of him! But she has my eye color.”
“I pulled out my baby picture,” said my father-in-law. “She looks just like me!”
“She has my nose,” said my mother-in-law. “Don’t you think she looks like me?”
My husband and I would exchange glances over her head and make non-commital noises to the party in question. Later, we’d share a laugh and stare at the baby, trying to see what the others saw. Striving to see ourselves, even.
We’d shake our heads after a few minutes. “Nope,” I’d say. “I don’t see it. She looks like … she looks like … well, herself.”
Big hazel eyes. Lashes so thick that small woodland creatures could get caught in them. Creamy pink skin and ashy brown curls (curls!) shot through with red and gold. A rosebud mouth. A smile that lights up the whole room. Round cheeks and pearly little teeth.
When I look at our daughter, I see only her shiny soul bursting through her physical beauty. I don’t see myself, or my husband, or anyone else for that matter.
I see a brand-new person all her own. And there is nothing quite so beautiful as that.
[tags]parents, grandparents, kids, beauty, truth, love[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by the author, some rights reserved
15 responses so far ↓
Slouching Mom // Apr 10, 2007 at 5:25 am
Gorgeous, Mrs. Chicken.
I’ve noticed this tendency in my own family: it’s so important to claim a piece of the baby as looking like one’s side of the family.
It’s really one of the more immature things grown-ups do, I think. Not always — sometimes motivations are pure, as in your mother’s love for her husband reflected in The Poo. But a lot of the time.
Why is it so important that a child’s chin look like Aunt Julia’s?
I don’t get it.
Colleen // Apr 10, 2007 at 5:43 am
My in-laws drive me nuts about this…. They think my kids don’t look like their side of the family… when my son looks just like my husband (except for hair color).
Anyone who sees my daughter and knows my mom always says, “she looks like your mom” before they say anything else. My mom of course loves that. She just has my moms flat nose.
I think people find it important for a baby to look like them so they can pass a little peice of them along the ages. Kinda like the way we always take pictures to make sure no one forgets us or our family.
Slouching Mom // Apr 10, 2007 at 7:41 am
Colleen: I agree, EXCEPT when the two sides of the baby’s family start fighting about which side the baby most resembles.
Then it just degenerates, turns sour, I think.
Annie // Apr 10, 2007 at 4:30 pm
My parents are constantly telling me my kids look just like my hubby, and they’ll be just like him. *rolls eyes*
Whatever. I know they’re partly mine too.
Jerri Ann // Apr 10, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Well, I think all babies look alike too and I just knew that my boys were gonna look just alike as newborns…and they didn’t….and they don’t even resemble much now…odd how we have expectations though uh?
Becky // Apr 11, 2007 at 6:19 am
I love this post. Beautiful. But, I had to laugh ’cause that is so true. Everyone is always telling me who they think the kids look like. They favor both families and several different people. They look most like their father, but to me they look most beautifully themselves. I am the only dark haired one and was hoping my son would have my hair color (so I wouldn’t feel like the 4th wheel) but ofcourse he has light blonde!!!
But, I wouldn’t change it for the world. My kids are uniquely beautiful! And so is yours!!!
Michele // Apr 11, 2007 at 7:02 am
Really very beautiful.
And Appropriate. I just spent a long weekend with my inlaws, who tend to claim whichever one of my (fraternal) twins appears to be more smart/funny/agile that day as being the one who is more like their side if the family. It changes from one day to the next. They are crazy.
Lisa Milton // Apr 11, 2007 at 7:23 am
Very sweet.
My friend asked me who her 5 week-old baby looked like (I have known her husband a long time) - it is such a loaded question. I held her gorgeous baby and maintained my ’she looks like herself’ stand.
I love the way my husband’s colleagues and family have tended to comment that our kids look just like Greg - like I was just some baby-making pod. I happen to see a little of both of us in them and a whole lot of good I can’t take credit for.
toyfoto // Apr 11, 2007 at 9:27 am
I always thought it was funny to talk about those little ticks and nuances that made a child look like someone from the family tree, no matter how distant. “When she does this she looks just like grandma …”
But I find, too, that as she grows she looks less and less like anyone other than herself.
Binky // Apr 11, 2007 at 12:36 pm
In a caveman sort of way, I think it’s important for the tribe to recognize themselves in their offspring so that they feel personally invested in protecting them.
Later, when protection is less important, the resemblance can help tie the new generation to previous ones by illuminating shared characteristics that can help everyone relate to each other through shared stories.
I, too, find beauty in the brand newness that is all her own. But the stories you tell of yourself, your husband, and your families provide an even richer background to that canvas.
Maria // Apr 11, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Nicely written.
And isn’t their hair amazing? I mean, Liv has this gorgeous shiny light-brown-shot-through-with-golden-beams hair that I covet.
Where did she get THAT? No one in this family of redheads and black hair ever had hair like that fairy princess mop.
PDX Mama // Apr 11, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I really liked this piece.
Oh, do I relate! Most of the family think the kids look like me, but I just don’t see it. Sure, there are certain features that might resemble my own or their dad’s, but generally, I see them as their own unique beautiful people.
But I admit there is a part of me that wants to see something in my children that looks like it came from me. When my daughter was born w/dark hair, I thought “yes, it will be like mine!” And now it has lightened to a lighter brown (w/to die for highlights), exactly like her big brother’s and I guess similar to her dad’s.
Jerri Ann // Apr 11, 2007 at 5:06 pm
I come back to say that this: Today, while at the daycare center, I looked in Jace’s room and literally I felt like I was looking in a mirror. Walker is a clone of his father practically and everyone has always said Jace looked like me…today I really saw it. It was a weird feeling though especially after posting here already and reading the other posts.
Kimberly // Apr 11, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Beautiful! No one can decide who our girls look like. Everyone has a different opinion and I think that’s because they’re such an interesting blend of us both. It’s so fascinating to me how genes combine forming a beautiful and unique person each time. So amazing.
Heather // Apr 11, 2007 at 9:35 pm
My kids are a mix of both hubby and I. Always have been. You can see both of us at all times. It’s weird. And wonderful.
This is a beautiful piece of writing. I love your honesty.
Leave a Comment