Some children have been calling my boys inferior because we homeschool. The first time The Manager and TechnoBoy mentioned it to me I was pretty shocked. I’ve been prepared for adults to give me a hard time about it, but to have children make these comments was something I hadn’t predicted.
Basically, the kids are telling my boys three things:
- They’re too old to be in the 4th grade
- They must not be learning anything because school days for us are shorter than public schools
- They are too isolated and don’t have any friends
Pretty much every homeschooler I know has faced these criticisms at one point or another. I have to admit, I never heard them coming from the mouths of children before now; however it was a good chance for us to talk about the claims as a family and begin to formulate a plan to deal with the situation.
For starters, I pointed out that the young lady telling them they were too old just turned 9 and is in the 3rd grade. My boys just turned 10 in 4th grade. Issue dismissed.
As for friends, we counted up the number of children that the boys spend 2 or more hours interacting with each week. The number quickly rose over 25 excluding kids more than a few years older or younger than them. Just because children sit in the same classroom together paying attention to the same teacher, that doesn’t count as social or friendship time. Issue number two off the table.
That brings us to the remaining issue: time spent. As I explained to the boys, there are several factors at work here. First of all, it’s a whole lot easier for me to work quickly teaching two boys than it is for a public school teacher in a class of 20 or more. That’s just simple logistics.
There’s an old study on educational time factors that states that
Honzay (1986-87) and Karweit (1984, 1985) found that only about half the typical school day is actually used for instruction, the remainder of the time being taken up by schoolwide and classroom matters of a noninstructional nature. And according to Anderson (1983); Fredrick, Walberg, and Rasher (1979); and Seifert and Beck (1984), students spend only about half their in-class time actually engaged in learning activities, the rest of the time being expended in classroom procedural matters, transitions, disciplinary matters, dead time, or off-task activities.
Now. I’m more than a bit skeptical that a study so old is still completely valid (the report in question was written in 1989). It’s entirely possible that tremendous improvement has been made in the public school schedule in the last 20-odd years. Assuming that schools have reached full efficiency during all instructional time, my schedule of 3-4 hours still comes out as comparable when you subtract things like homeroom, announcements and administrative events, disciplinary matters, recess, lunch, and so on.
The other reason I’m so confident that the time issue isn’t a problem is that I believe so strongly in the curriculum I am implementing. I have a degree in Instructional Design; curriculum is a passion of mine. As 4th graders, my boys are finishing up their fourth year of world history. Basically they’ve gone over all of history (in an age appropriate way) from ancient times to the present. In order. I stand by that as one of the most important factors in a good education. Other subjects that we had this year are math, spelling, handwriting, grammar, reading, science, and Latin. Yes, that’s right: Latin. The boys have learned about a hundred vocabulary words as well as some beginning verb conjugation and noun declensions. It was a very low-stress experience and is a great foundation for English grammar and the Spanish instruction that we’ll start in the future.
Even more beneficial in my opinion is the ability we have to meet the boys’ needs as they occur. Today while doing phonics with the little boys we had several breaks because the lesson was challenging. Injecting humor into the mix (they love to shout the answers to questions or have a tickle war) helped move us along. I could grab some treats from the cupboard to reward their efforts, and it was no problem to split the lesson in half and have them do the second part with Hubby when he got home. Showing off to Dad is a great motivator for a little boy. (And treats help.) Since I set the schedule, we can park on this particular skill area until they’re comfortable before moving along in the book. A public school teacher lacks that flexibility in the schedule.
I know the mother of the children who are giving my boys a hard time, and my first impulse is to talk to her directly. However. She’s a public school teacher, and I believe the words coming out of their mouths are hers. To be clear: I was a public school teacher for 8 years and loved it. I only quit because I knew I couldn’t do justice to mothering twins and my job at the same time, so I chose. I am fully aware of the attitude many in the public school arena take toward homeschooling and why. I think that confronting her-even really gently-won’t do anyone any good.
So. After some prayer and pondering, I told the boys that I want them to try hard not to send the message that they think they’re superior because they’re homeschooled. I’d bet my bottom dollar that they’ve made that claim more than once. We talked about the fact that schooling ultimately doesn’t make the man. Any child could have the best opportunity in the world and still turn out a failure if they don’t choose to take advantage of it. Public school and homeschool are not inherently better or worse options in and of themselves. It all depends on what you do with it.
As long as the criticism remains at this level, I think I’ll opt to let things ride and see what happens. My boys may potentially be in the same Scout troop as the critical boy next winter. If more children are drawn into the fray then Hubby and I may step in.
It’s harder than I thought to stand by and keep my mouth shut, but for now I believe that’s the right choice.
So what about you? Where do you weigh in on all this?? Have you had to deal with children criticizing your family choices? What did you do about it?
by AmyL
Photo graciously provided by kk+, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
6 responses so far ↓
slouching mom // Jun 6, 2008 at 7:06 am
Wow. Will you teach my boys?
I stand by the fact that Latin is the most useful subject I ever studied — it’s made me a better writer, a better speaker of French and Spanish, better able to learn new languages, and better at logic.
Chris // Jun 7, 2008 at 11:09 am
Hey, Amy–Are you doing a Well-Trained Mind inspired curriculum? If so, I’d really be interested in hearing more about what you’re doing. I’m planning to do the same four-year cycle with our kids. I just found out about livingmath.net, which is a great literature-based approach to math.
I think your approach with dealing with criticism is sensible. I worry about the same with our daughter…she’s just five and doesn’t know too many “schooled” kids yet, but she’s very sensitive about being different. I do my best to normalize homeschooling–neither better or worse than schooling–and the reminder that it’s not so much how you’re educated, but what you do with your opportunities, that matters.
Also, I think you’re being generous, assuming that somehow schools have become more efficient since that study 20 years ago. I think with all the emphasis on teaching to tests, there’s even more “wasted time” in schools than ever, especially for kids who are not “standard.”
AmyL // Jun 7, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Slouching Mom – LOL. Sure, what the heck? Send ‘em on over. The more the merrier when it comes to boys. And thank you very much for saying that Latin is helpful. You’re the first adult who didn’t look at me sideways and question my sanity on that point. I may just print out your comment and keep it as a testimonial.
Chris – yes, I’m following WTM more or less. We did Story of the World (history) for first through 4th grades. I found it to be more than the boys could handle but I think some of that is due to a language delay that they seem to have been dealing with. There are extensive literature suggestions and it was just too much for us. We just read the book and went over the questions and I threw in projects when I could. Now that the little guys are starting first grade in the fall I am planning to go through it again. This time I’ll get the supplementary stuff and have the older boys go through the reading, we’ll do more of the projects and probably less of the questions found in the activity guide. I timed it so we’re all going through the same time period together, and I’ll just structure assignments for the different learning levels.
The math sounds very interesting. I’m pretty well sold on Saxon for life at this point as we’ve done very well with it. I do find that I can cut a lot of that down as well because there’s more practice than is needed. I am just continually impressed at how Saxon ties skills in and teaches them so incrementally that the kids don’t even realize they’re taking in fairly difficult skills.
I’ve tried very hard to not put down public schooling in any way to the boys. I loved teaching. What happened with us is we’d have days when the boys would complain about how awful school is and I’d say well if you were in public school you’d be doing this a lot more hours, and you couldn’t wear your Batman costume or watch TV at lunch on the couch. The point was to show them they had a pretty doggone good situation and stop the complaining. I am certain they’ve said to friends something along those same lines and it’s translated as “we’re better than you are” whether they meant that to happen or not. Kids. Can’t duct tape their mouths shut….although it often seems like a good idea.
Emphasis on the “it matters what you DO with it” is going to be heavy around here for a while.
If you want to chat more feel free to e-mail me.
Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) // Jun 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I haven’t had kids criticize my boys, but I’ve had parents and former public school colleagues criticize me for putting my boys in the charter school. It boils down to that us versus them attitude. I tell them that yes, I am a teacher, and while I am aware that the local school district here does a decent job, I want my boys to have a better education experience. I’ve been very pleased with our charter school, and I tell others what a great school it is. I don’t harp on my opinion of public schools (even though I used to teach in public and private schools, and have strong opinions on both).
People should just listen, nod, and smile. My choice might not work for you, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to beat you over the head with my choice.
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AmyL // Jun 16, 2008 at 11:00 am
Michelle, EXACTLY. Nod your head and smile. Sadly that’s not a skill we’re born with, is it? I know that the older I get the more I wince at things that have come out of my mouth and wish I could take them back. Too bad I seem to learn things the hard way.
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