My almost four-year-old son is an awesome little boy. He’s full of life and happiness. His smile is infectious and he loves to laugh. He gets so engrossed in play you have no doubt that in his mind, he is actually in the world he’s invented. Constantly flying in the face of everything I thought I knew about parenting, he’s been the child who has taught me the most.
When Alex was eighteen months old, I started to wonder about his speech. Not wanting to once again compare him to his sisters, I asked his pediatrician for his advice on where he should be at. We went over a few charts and lists and it turned out that Alex was quite a bit behind his peers. The process of speech therapy was started shortly after he turned two and we discovered that his main problem was Speech Sound Development. For reasons not exactly clear, Alex just can not form sound properly with his mouth when he speaks. His expressive language and comprehension are normal, but he has trouble communicating. In the nearly two years since we recognized the problem he has gotten steadily better. When he is among people who know him well, he is understood over 90% of the time. Unfortunately, with strangers, it can be a bit trickier.
Overall, most of the new people we encounter are extremely patient with Alex. I’m sure his inventive and funny ability to find alternative ways to express himself helps, but more often than not, it’s not a problem. He’s such a cute kid, how can you not be patient and want to take the time to really get him?!
Recently though, I was asked by a friend for ways to talk to Alex. She had never dealt with a child with a speech delay before and she wanted to help him, not frustrate him. I thought it was very sweet and helpful of her to ask and I gave her a breakdown of pointers that have really helped us in the last few years. I decided it might be a good idea to share these ideas and pointers to help others who might know of a child with a speech delay.
I am by no means a speech pathologist or a professional. The following tips are simply things that I have noticed as a parent - things I appreciate, things that help Alex;
- When a child with a speech issue speaks to you, give him your full attention. Look him in the eyes and nod along as he speaks so he knows you’re listening and understanding what he is saying.
-If you do not understand please do not say “I’m sorry, I don’t understand you” or to his parent “I don’t understand what he is saying”. Pick out parts of the conversation that you do understand and ask relevant questions. For example “You have a red truck? Did you get it as a present?”
-If you are still having difficulty understanding, glance up at the parent. Chances are his parents have seen that glance before and know that this might be a good chance to clarify what their child is saying. Clarifying for Alex does not bother him in the least, so I just give a general translation of what he has said and let him expand on it. Parents and children are great teams. They’ve worked on it together quite a bit!
-Be patient with my child. He is not deliberately trying to delay or frustrate you. Showing signs of impatience or frustration will only make him feel more flustered and upset.
-Do not try to bribe him or withhold something from him until he speaks properly or speaks at all if he is refusing. (We’ve had it happen that an ice cream vendor would not give Alex his ice cream until he spoke to him and said “Please”). Instead offer the item you expect a simple one word answer in response. Something like “Would you like this ice cream, Alex? It sure looks yummy!” Chances are, with an offer like that, the child will respond with a resounding “Yes!” and more than likely an attempt at repeating what you’re saying.
I understand that interacting with a child who has trouble communicating can be confusing, even a bit uncomfortable. No one deliberately wants to make any child feel badly, so often, it’s the desire to try to help that can lead to more confusion. Hopefully, some tips from a parent in the know can show that it’s doesn’t need to be an ordeal. I’ve heard from quite a few people that they enjoy seeing Alex’s new and interesting ways to get his points across. He really is an expressive and animated little boy and a general joy to be around!
[tags]speech delay, speech therapy, learning differences, delayed speech, parenting[/tags]
Photo by Joshua Bousel via Flickr.
3 responses so far ↓
Alice // Dec 23, 2006 at 4:22 pm
These are excellent tips!! I especially liked point number 2. I think I’ve made that mistake before. =(
Thanks for sharing!
Whitney Hoffman // Dec 29, 2006 at 12:49 am
My oldest son had a speech delay, and later, expressive language issues. his delay was in part sound formation, and in larger part, secondary to ear infections and muffled hearing during those all important language acquisition periods. He has been in speech therapy for a long time- He is understood, but sometimes mumbles, and is not as clear and loud as his sibling or classmates.
He is one of the sweetest kids on the face of the planet, and my heart breaks for him when he stumbles in communicating his ideas fluidly with others. Your post reminded me of the early days with this, and how educating others that speech problems are not necessarily cognitive problems is so important. Let’s be in touch- I’d love to have you on the LD Podcast!
Alice // Dec 29, 2006 at 5:40 am
Your story actually reminds me of a neighbour. They have a son that has similar issues to what your son has. He’s been seeing speech therapists for years. His mom feels the same way as you…your heart breaking when he stumbles during communication.
However, it’s amazing how resilient this child is. I’m sure your child will be as resilient because of this. That in itself is an amazing lesson to learn at such an early age. As well, I’m sure he’s much more compassionate too.
I’ve read many of your posts Whitney. Don’t forget you’re a fantastic mom. =)
Yep…let’s stay in touch. If you can’t get my e-mail, go through Megin.
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