We have 4 boys living in 2 bedrooms. Since there are two sets of twins, this has been an easy and rather natural state of affairs. However, the older boys are eleven now and starting to show signs of wanting their own spaces. I often wonder if they’d sleep better, since each has different preferences for how much sound and light is necessary in the room overnight.
Our house is a Cape Cod, meaning that there’s a main floor, basement, and an upper level that is shaped a bit like a triangle, as the slope of the roof shapes the walls. There is enough room to add 2 more bedrooms to the house, and we’re hoping to turn the now-empty space into something livable soon. Depending on finances, it’s conceivable that we could have that done in the next year or so.
We’ve told the boys that when they’re 14 we’ll give them their own rooms. That way when they move out at 18, the younger boys (who will then be 14) can have their own rooms as well. In the world of twins, treating everyone the same is an issue of life-and-death importance.
Assuming we finish the upper level when the older boys are 12, we would have the capability for 5 bedrooms. One for Hubby and myself, two for each set of twins, one for in-laws that we’ve invited to move in as needed, and one would be left over.
Sooooooo I could let the older boys have their own rooms earlier than 14. Or, I could let everyone have their own room earlier. But then what if the in-laws want to live here? This is something we’re strongly encouraging, and I think having a ready space will help with that.
If we do give the older boys their own rooms before 14, there’s still no way to extend the same courtesy to the younger boys that early. Unless we’re in a different house or add on to this one (highly unlikely).
How would you handle this situation?
by AmyL
Photo graciously provided by kierkier, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
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6 responses so far ↓
Thimbelle // Aug 17, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I say: The younger twins have to wait.
That’s part of the whole “when you are a little bit older” thing. I think it’s GOOD to let kids wait sometimes. It helps develop both patience and appreciation for the things they get.
Plus, even the younger twins are old enough to understand that you have to keep one room open for extended family to move into.
Having said all that… the older twins get a lesson in being gracious “winners”. They can’t hold it over the younger twins that they get their own rooms. Let them know right away that if that happens, you’ll move them back in together and give the little guys the separate bedrooms!
Also, make sure that the older twins know that this is a *privilege* that they are being extended. Point out that the family could use that extra room as (fill in the blank) and that they have to keep their respective “private” rooms clean and tidy, and start to act like grown-ups.
When you remodel, just remember to set your budget, then add 20% for the unexpected. (and there WILL BE the unexpected!) Also know that there will be dust, dirt, noise and chaos until the job is done. I speak from recent experience!
AmyL // Aug 19, 2009 at 10:56 am
Thimbelle, thanks for the input. Really? You think we should? I can see where Hubby will have a difficult time with it. He was the younger sibling in his family. I was the oldest in mine, so we frequently see things from those points of view.
In this case I actually do feel sorry for the younger boys. If we did let the older guys separate at the age of 12, that’d be two years more of autonomy than we could offer the younger ones.
Your point about patience and appreciation is well taken. I will share that with Hubby. I LOVE the idea that they have to keep the room clean in order to keep it their own.
We finished the basement (bathroom, office, family room, game area, storage) over the past several years bit by bit so we’re used to mess and chaos. I’ve gotten to the “just pay a pro to do it faster” stage in life, so we’re saving up now as much as we are able to get going on the job. Thanks for the advice!
Thimbelle // Aug 19, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Amy: I think I was *born* at the “pay a pro” stage! LOL!
My DH and I often see things a bit differently – he was the middle child, and I was the oldest. I think it does make a difference.
Having said that, I think it’s OK for the older boys to get a couple of extra years. Try as you might, you just can’t make everything *perfectly perfectly* fair. By the time that the older boys are moved out, there were (inevitably) be something that will cause them to come home and say “Hey! No fair! We didn’t have/get/use (fill in the blank) when I lived here!” Example: I went away to college, came home, and my family had not only a MICROWAVE, but CABLE TV and were installing a POOL off of the NEW DECK!!! See?
I think when I get my next official Mommy uniform made, I am going to put my new slogan on the back: “It’s always something!”
Kelly Damron // Aug 20, 2009 at 12:42 pm
This is a tough one, as I too have twins and can see how this would become an issue. However, the reality of your living space is what it is.
Is there something you can offer the younger twins that they might see as a good “compromise” to not getting their own rooms at the same young as their older siblings? Such as a computer in their room or a special vacation or a favorite game, etc.?
mom, again // Sep 3, 2009 at 9:18 pm
The only problem I see with giving the younger boys their brother’s rooms when they theoretically move out to got to college is: what if that’s not how it works out? What if they go to school locally, or decide to pursue some sort of training that doesn’t require they leave your home? OR, what happens when they come home for holidays. I realize You’ll still have at least one spare room (the younger twin’s ex-room) but having to begin re-sharing at that point could be problematic.
Otherwise, I agree with the plan. Give the oldest boys their rooms and responsibilities when the rooms are ready. Pass on the same privelge when it is possible to do so with the younger boys.
Don’t worry too much about ‘fair’. Our youngest brother had a playroom to himself in addition to his bedroom. Actually it was the den/guestroom. But eventually, the old TV and his game system were permanently set up in there. Partly b/c Dad was tired of having to ’share’ (big ol’ baby), partly b/c there was an ‘old’ TV. De Facto, it was baby brother’s room. Which each and every one of the other 4 of us was highly offended at. My gosh! His OWN TV! We didn’t even have ‘our’ own TV but had to take turns choosing shows and give it up entirely to mom or dad’s preference! Spoiled baby brother, last one at home!
AmyL // Sep 13, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Kelly, I don’t know what I’d offer the younger ones. The fact is, as mom points out, the younger ones usually get privileges earlier in life than the older ones. But that won’t mean anything to them. All each set sees is the other set getting things done differently and I wind up feeling like I can’t win.
I guess I need to just wing it and see what happens.
mom, you’re right. I need to stop obsessing.
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