Sometimes You’ve Just Got To Want It

November 30th, 2009 by Stu Mark · 6 Comments

Sometimes you’ve just got to want it. You’ve heard that before, right? Maybe it was said by your coach or by a teacher. Maybe it was in a made-for-tv movie. Some wisened leader, leaning down to offer inspiration, suggesting that this was one of those moments when skill alone wouldn’t get the job done, that desire was the missing ingredient.

And sometimes it’s true. Sometimes desire is indeed the missing ingredient. Even in our own parenting, our skill, technique, brains… these will only get us so far when the mess hits the fan.

But I assert this: Sometimes you’ve *just* got to want it. Meaning that there are moments in the parent/child dynamic when the only neccesity is desire, moments when the only thing your child needs to see is that you want whatever it is that they want. Sometimes wanting is enough.

Sure, there are times when the answer is “no.” Sometimes there’s a reason why you can’t provide for your child’s desires. Maybe it’s a safety issue, maybe an economic one, maybe you are just incapable of whatever it is that they are begging for.

But that “no” doesn’t have to be the end of it. Because you can show them that you’d rather say “yes,” that you honestly want to say “yes.” You can look your kid in the eye and say, “I *want* you to get what you want,” and that just may be enough for them. It won’t satisfy them completely, but knowing that your mom or dad really wants you to be happy, well, that can make for a pretty decent consolation prize.

by Stu Mark

Share This Post:

Recent Posts By Stu Mark

6 responses so far ↓

Dave // Dec 1, 2009 at 8:25 am

Nice sentiment, Stu…
dad/hop // Dec 1, 2009 at 8:50 am

How True! How True!
Suldog // Dec 1, 2009 at 9:25 am

Very true. It never hurts to let a kid know that you are trying to understand their needs. The more communication, the better.
Kelly Damron // Dec 2, 2009 at 1:27 pm

I’ve been using the upcoming Christmas holiday (or whatever occasion you celebrate) to allow my children to write down everything they want. It has made many of shopping trips so much easier. At the same time it has given me a TON of ideas for presents.

My challenge is that I want my kids to have everything they want. However, this doesn’t bode for creating caring, compassionate, and gracious children. One thing that I do is ask them to rate an item/want compared to another item/want. They tend to choose the one they really want the most and it keeps me from having to be the bad guy who says “no” all of the time.
Dangermouse // Dec 2, 2009 at 8:42 pm

You highlight an excellent notion, Stu. I certainly would have felt that grown ups were more on my side if they communicated to me like this.

Kelly, that’s a terrific idea! Really smart.
Rocket Science Mom // Dec 3, 2009 at 11:05 am

Sometimes I think I talk too much and tell my kids too much. Sometimes I think I listen too much and don’t interject.

Then there are times when I read something by Stu and I think, ya, I am doing things just the right way. Following my heart is the best way to be a parent.

Thanks for always making me smile, Stu.