“Help us to be better people everyday.” These words close our family Grace each time we say it. This is the daily goal for my husband and myself, and what we want most to instill in our children. Lots of days we fail miserably, but still it helps to bring our common goals front and center.
Our eldest is having some “behavior” issues in second grade. His infractions lean heavily towards annoying, not cruel, and I attribute them in part to learning how to operate in a classroom, part to learning how to function in a rapidly developing popularity contest and part to being an 8 year-old boy. For him, it’s not as simple as “have a good day.” He has a lot of impulses and a lot of influences on him. However, he needs to learn to excel in an environment which dictates his every action and choreographs his every move. Not easy, and a sad way to view education.
His teacher has asked if we’d like to try using a daily report in which he would record his “successes” for 9 different time periods while he is at school. He would record his behavior based on what zone he’s operating in. Green means “Good Choices.” Yellow means “Warning Given.” Orange means “Stop and Think.” And red means it’s time for a “Sad News Report.” The daily report would be sent home and returned the next day with both parent’s signatures. The argument being presented to us is that this process will increase our boy’s awareness of the infraction if he is called on to record it.
I think it micromanages the kid’s behavior and brings each and every mis-step to my attention. I think it may help because the kid is afraid of the consequences and therefore might alter his behavior enough to avoid a “talking to” when he gets home. I think it buries teachable moments under a stack of paperwork and asks kids to be “good” out of a fear of consequences and not for goodness sake. I think it serves to apply labels to kids.
We’ve never worked much with reward charts. We prefer to talk our kids to death and explain the reasoning behind every rule and expectation. I asked my boy if he thought this daily report was a good idea. He thought it would help because we would know about every warning and breach he made. I said I wasn’t sure I wanted him to behave because I’d find out that he didn’t, but because he was making the right choices and doing the right thing. His response? “Yeah, I get that, Mom.” So what should we do? “I’m not sure.”
Do you use reward or behavior charts? Do your kids behave because they are afraid not to, or for goodness sake?
by Megin Hatch
[tags]school, behavior modification, daily reports, discipline, elementary school, second grade, parenting[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Just-Us-3, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
0 responses so far ↓
Stu Mark // Mar 26, 2008 at 6:16 am
At our house, we try to use concepts such as “Does this work?” If we can, we avoid a direct judgment of behavior. Instead, we interrupt the child, take them to a private area, tell them what we observe (non-judgmentally), and then ask them what they think, usually including the question: “Does this work for you?,” or “Is this working out for you?,” or “Do you think this works for so-and-so?”
As they get older, our kids seemed more capable of deciding for themselves what was appropriate, which allowed us to spend less time managing them, which gave them more confidence, which in turn made them feel good about themselves and their environment, leading to behavior that was more in-line with the expectations of their outside-world.
Behavior is hard for a young child, as it seems so random and out of their hands, even though we adults see that it is not. The more we show them, in a pattern of non-judgmental “hey, I’m not tellin’ you what to do, just mentioning that it may not work for you to run in the classroom” kind of way, the more they seem to want to lean in the direction of doing their best.
Your mileage may vary.
adrienne // Mar 26, 2008 at 6:40 am
Punishment through bureaucracy. It’s novel, but probably in the cruel and unusual department (akin to choosing your own switch in the old days).
It seems like the teacher wants him to realize cause and effect, but it looks like it’s all stick and no carrot. Is “flying under the radar” the best a person can wish for?
Both my husband and I had problems in early elementary school.
His mom let him choose something he wanted out a catalog and had him tape a picture to his desk. Every time his behavior veered toward problematic all the nun would have to do was tap the photograph. The reminder of far-off reward was always motivating for him, and after a full grading period of good behavior the item was his.
My first grade teacher felt I was rowdy. I tried my best to curtail the behavior she didn’t like, but (filled with enthusiasm) never could tone it down to her very exacting standards.
My parents had me moved to another classroom where the teacher had more active learning and suddenly I was the top student in the class rather than the one most often found in the hallway
Schools (here at least) are losing a lot of their energy burning times like recess and gym. This makes it much harder for some kids to be calm and directed during class.
Whitney // Mar 26, 2008 at 6:41 am
The reports may be useful for identifying whether there are any “triggers” for what the teacher sees as “problem” behavior, but they won’t solve the problem.
Basic developmental psychology tells us that negative reinforcement (flags, losing a sticker, reprimand, etc.) stops negative behavior, but it doesn’t replace it with anything good. Recognizing and complimenting a child when they are doing something great does more to encourage good behavior, eventually crowding out the negative. I have gotten more mileage out of rewarding great behavior and telling my kids what they’ve done that’s awesome than I ever have from telling them what they’ve done “wrong”.
This said, schools are geared towards picking out the bad, not emphasizing the positive, on the whole. It’s so much easier to notice what is going on that is bad than it is to redirect a kid heading for trouble before it happens, or noticing when they are meeting or exceeding expectations. And for some kids, getting through a day without being yelled at is a note-worthy accomplishment, not just “what is expected.”
Kids do need to learn cause and effect, but they have to have success to learn that works better for them than the other stuff they’ve been doing. Kids are surprisingly introspective if you sit and talk with them, in a very open way, about what causes the problems in school from their perspective and try to brain storm solutions with them about what might be a better choice. Rick LaVoie calls this doing a social autopsy, taking a situation and teasing it apart to see what might have gone wrong. But if the child doesn’t understand their part in the puzzle, they can’t solve the problem, so they need a parent or teacher to guide them through this.
Maybe this is another topic to discuss even more in a blog post or podcast, but I think sticker charts are band aids unless the rewards are for good behaviors themselves, not lack of bad behavior- you have to specifically identify and reward the good to get more of it. Otherwise, what’s labelled good or bad isn’t specific enough for the child, and it all seems random to them.
Megin Hatch // Mar 26, 2008 at 9:45 am
Stu-
I really like that concept and it’s one of the things we do at home… although it’s hard not to judge some behaviors… very hard. How does this translate to the classroom and the teacher’s desire to use the behavior chart? Where do I take it?
Adrianne-
My parents had me moved to another classroom where the teacher had more active learning and suddenly I was the top student in the class rather than the one most often found in the hallway
That’s what I hope happens next year.
Whit-
Again- how to broach the topic with the teacher? She is doing this with 3 other students in the class, and has been for months.
I’d love to hear/talk more about this and working out parent/teacher differences/conflicts.
Thanks for jumping in- I doubt this is uncommon in 2nd grade classrooms.
InTheFastLane // Mar 26, 2008 at 9:49 am
My 8 year old has had a few behavior problems for the first time this year in 2nd grade. His tended to be attention seeking, clowning around, and not paying attention when he should have been.
We did make a big deal out of it at his first conference. But, we took a look at the behavior as a whole and re-emphasized what we expect and what we would like his behavior to be. He was able to give us examples of time when he could have made a different decision and we built on those. We did the talk to death things and then said that we would check back with his teacher within a few weeks to see if there were improvements. We did reward him for the improvements and he even got a certificate from his teacher for improved classroom behavior.
The question I guess for you, is whether or not your son understands when he is making choices that don’t work in the classroom and whether or not he has his choices under control. If not, a chart might help him identify (as someone already said) time he could have made better choices. But, personally, if he is aware and able, then a more global approach might be more useful.
adrienne // Mar 26, 2008 at 10:23 am
It’s disappointing to hear that the teacher is using this approach with 3 students.
I’m not sure what to say (though I’ll ask my teacher mom when she’s back from Spring Break), but I would consider a conference with the teacher (without your son present). If nothing else, you could start with what you wrote here.
If you don’t think it’s working, you don’t have to subject your child to it. There’s probably a variation that will satisfy everyone and encourage (rather than simply threaten) your son.
AmyL // Mar 26, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Great answers so far.
Since I’m the teacher and the parent I’ve been very torn about contracts and behavior reports. What it comes down to for me is I hate filling out the silly things, and if one is implemented (whether positive reinforcement or negative) I only tend to stick with it for a very brief time.
That said, the boys seem to like the structure of them, so while they’re interested we do the contract and we all wander off shortly after that. Sometimes just paying attention to behavior more closely for a brief time is all that’s needed to redirect everyone. We did a sticker page last year where if they met certain cheerfulness criteria each day they could get stickers. A full sheet earned a reward. I think they did it for two weeks and then we were done.
Right now we have a standing charge of a nickel for any insult that comes out of mouths. I think the nickel jar has twenty cents in it because just knowing that I’d follow through on payment has been enough to cut down on the insults. It was getting pretty frequent. Of course, the exception was when a 5yo was reported for calling his brother stupid and I said okay, that’ll be a nickel and he was still so mad at his sibling that he said I called him that twice and stomped off to get me two nickels. Lol.
Carl // Mar 26, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Whitney made a good point that I’d like to reiterate. Stu, this report isn’t for your son; it’s for you.
Think about is a trending tool. We did this with my daughter (in 2nd grade) and we learned that she was starting to have the same issues /at the same time/ every day. So, we looked closer at that specific time.
We ended up finding out that it was right /after/ the math period. She was working really hard on the math because she felt it was hard. The subject after math ended up suffering, even though it was a different subject every day.
Our solution was to spend more time on Math at home - this took the pressure off during the day and gave her the ability to improve.
Don’t let this be about punishment. We parents are critical to our children’s education. This type of detailed report is a way for us to know what’s going on so we can help our children learn, adjust, succeed, etc. The question for you is: what will you DO with this new information?
Stu Mark // Mar 26, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Megin - this concept is for when the kid comes home with a less-than-awesome report. For me, the idea is to be able to get the kid to solve the problem without my intervention (that is *always* my goal, to get them to grow up before they hit college). So when one of my kids comes home with whatever, I make sure to keep the conversation on a “what worked, what didn’t work, what are your plans for the future” kind of tip. If they feel that I’m their team-mate throughout the process, they seem more likely to want to adjust what doesn’t work.
For example, my 16 year-old just let me know that he was definitely getting a B in math class. Instead of getting upset, or judging him in any way, I first thanked him for showing the initiative of talking to his teacher. Then I asked him how the B happened. He told me. I asked what he thought about it and whether he was considering any adjustments, and if so, what they would be. He was cool the entire time, I didn’t come across like the hard-nose parent, and he seemed to want to make the necessary adjustments for an A next quarter.
Your mileage may vary.
Anna // Mar 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I’m all for explaining the why and trying to get my children to embrace goodness for goodness sake, but sometimes an 8 yr. old just needs to do it “because I said so” and because this is the way a civilized society (if a school can be called such a thing) behaves. As you said, he’s not being cruel, he’s just being 8. I think you should try the chart and see how it works. Self-control is a good lesson in and of itself even without the why for now.
Leave a Comment