My baby cried herself to sleep. All 43 lbs of her rocked with sadness at the injustice of odd numbers. “Why Papa? Why am I the only one to sleep alone? Aidan sleeps in Clay’s room and Mama sleeps with you. Why am I alone?”
Rewind: It’s 2004, I am pregnant with said baby and her gender is yet unknown. I declare that if this baby is a boy then we are done. If she is not a boy then we will continue until she has a sister. I am one of 5 sisters and the possibility of having been alone with my 2 brothers is simply unfathomable. I can not have a daughter without a sister, regardless of the fact that there could be 26 brothers before we find her. My daughter needs a sister.
Then she’s here. After the worst of the 3 deliveries I am damaged. My guts were cut and the guilt and blame weigh so very much. And later, when I finally hold her, I know that she is it and I am done. That my body, while exceptional at making and growing babies, does not excel at delivery and contrary to what every 2nd grade teacher will tell you, practice does not make progress.
I am not sad because I have 3 prized punks and it is so much more than so many. And I am sad because my daughter will not be or have a sister. And these contradictory statements make me cry.
When I finish crying I search for solutions. Should Clay at 6 share space with Lucy at 3.5 while Aidan at 8 sleeps alone? Should all 3 share sleeping space? Should we simply wait and pray that we are not still soothing her sobs at sixteen, or much worse, rationalizing her much too young pregnancy? She never did want to sleep alone…
WWYD? What would you do?
by Megin Hatch
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, advice, sisters, sleeping alone, growth, meaning, future, pregnancy, birth[/tags]
5 responses so far ↓
A.L. Hatch // Mar 5, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I guess I would try to make her feel like it is special, a privilege, to have her own space.
And I hear you on the sister thing. I would love to have another girl for The Poo.
Radmama // Mar 5, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Let her share sleeping space with a brother or brothers. My son and daughter shared a room until they were about 10 and 7. They only went into their own rooms then because of space issues.
Kim N // Mar 6, 2008 at 12:18 am
That is a PRECIOUS picture! I would say let them share if it works out better. My son and daughter shared for a couple years until my third child, a daughter, came along. When she was old enough for a bed we gave our son his own room and he liked for a few months and then started crying every night like your daughter. I was about to rearrange rooms again when we found out our next baby was a boy so we promised him he would have a roommate soon. That satisfied him for awhile. Now he cries because the baby is still in the bassinet in our room, but at least we are almost there! I think until kids reach the “tween” years, co-ed sibling rooms isn’t a big deal.
nan // Mar 6, 2008 at 3:45 am
Oh, I feel her pain! I grew up with hordes of boys, until my sister was born when I was 8. The age difference was too great then, (I wasn’t into baby dolls, just playing soccer!) and we didn’t become friends for many, many years. And then I moved away, she moved away… We have never been close the way I am to my brother! My brother and I were happy to share a room for many years, can all three of your kids share a room? Bunk beds?
One thing my parents did which was great, was to have girlfriends over to spend the night with me, while my brother went by our cousins (hordes of boys!). That was good, long nights of giggling! I am still close to those “sisters”, they are like my surrogate family. Often, real sisters aren’t close, but a girlfriend is a special thing. It’s a good thing I have little boys of my own now… I really know how to deal with boys! And I work with teenaged boys, too. My life experience as a girl surrounded with boys prepared me for the work I do now.
Megin Hatch // Mar 6, 2008 at 7:22 am
A.L.- Yeah, she can’t so much see that, although I am sure eventually it will be an absolute.
Radmama- yeah, I am thinking of talking to them about that- the boys, I mean. I fear the transition a little bit (so exciting we shall not sleep for days), but I think it might work.
Kim- Thanks, it’s one of my favorites- taken the day after we got home from the hospital. I remember it so clearly. I was laying in bed nursing Lucy when the boys came in full of whine and general peskiness. They climbed in with us and we fell into deep sleeps- all 4 of us. When I awoke I was drenched in sweat, but felt utter contentment. I was able to extricate myself to shoot this snap. Sweet day.
nan- like I said I am not sure any of them would actually sleep- but I am not opposed to mixing genders for awhile. We don’t have room for bunkbeds (eves), and it’s a small room, but it might be worth trying.
I also know I am being completely dramatic. She’s gonna be fine- 100% fine. This conversation just brought a lot of my own stuff to the surface.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts-
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