I spent part of last weekend with my family (two sisters) and part of Mother’s Day with Nancy’s family (twin sister and two brothers). As I look at our relationships, I am curious about what the relationship between Andrew and Hope will be in 30 years.
We have two children. Andrew is 21, Hope is 17. They are friends.
That is a statement that exists to bring hope to parents wondering whether their children will survive sibling tensions.
The presence of two children and two adults in the same house provides recurring opportunities for drama and destruction. Our house had both. We heard questions of fairness, of consistency in treatment, of favoritism toward boys/girls/older/younger. We wrestled with how to be consistent AND take into account differences in interests and personality and skills.
Here is what is now true:
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1. They actually talk to each other. They can compare notes on teachers, movies, television shows, and obscure formulas from math and science.
2. They baked a cake together last year. (Once and it was the first cake for each of them (Funfetti))
3. Hope lights up when Andrew congratulates her on a performance.
4. Hope has seen far more soccer than Andrew has seen choir/drama performances - and I think they are okay about that. (Here they are pictures sitting next to each other at a Blue Jays-Dodgers game last summer.)
5. Andrew has asked Hope’s opinion more than Hope has asked Andrew’s opinion.
6. They are both incredibly capable of ignoring each other.
7. We avoided most fights over lines in the middle of the back seat by havng a minivan and putting them in different rows.
8. In spite of never making them dress in matching outfits, today they were both wearing skinny jeans and blue hoodies.
9. Hope likes Allie (Andrew’s girlfriend). Andrew will, when in time someone is serious about Hope, threaten to do him bodily harm if he hurts his sister in any way.
We wondered often. We talked often. We looked for ways to encourage tolerance of each other. We valued both of them. We told each of them about the successes and challenges of the other. And for now, they are doing fine.
(And they are now in the same post and Hope will stop being mildly troubled that Andrew was getting all the attention here. Whew.)
by Jon Swanson
Photo graciously provided by the author, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
1 response so far ↓
Megin Hatch // May 13, 2008 at 9:12 am
I remember the relief my own parents felt, when as young adults we started actually choosing to be together. It was something my father was exceptionally proud of. I think he saw it as a sign of success. For if you have raised a person whose 6 siblings actually want to know and spend time with then you have raised her well.
I do wonder and am hopeful.
Thanks, Jon.
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