I’d like y’all to set a spell while I tell you a story. I promise, it’s all true, all the way through.
The other day, while my wife was at work and my young ones were on vacation from school, the three of us, bored without my wife to make the circle complete, went to the Santa Monica Pier as a way to kill time and cheer ourselves up. Aside from a breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean, the Santa Monica Pier contains rides and carnival-style games of skill. One of them was a ring toss. If you can picture it, there were about two dozen glass bottles laid out in a grid, and the object of the game was to toss a small plastic ring onto the top of one of the bottles.
I told both my kids, 11 and 14, that the bigger the prize, the more difficult it would be to win, and the ring toss had, by far, the biggest prizes on the entire pier. Huge stuffed frogs, green with envy at our ability to eat delicious funnel cakes, filled the walls of the ring toss stall. I pointed out their huge size, and the impossibility of winning one. Still, my kids wanted to try. So I shelled out enough for two buckets of rings, and the two of them set out to land a ring on a bottle neck.
Sure enough, wouldn’t you know it, my tweenie Noelle, who sees that nothing is impossible, landed a ringer in about 20 seconds! That’s her in the picture above, next to her prize.
Here’s where we get to the parenting section: My son, age 15, turned to me and asked for more money for a second bucket of rings, determined to win a similar prize. Now, my daughter is always in my son’s shadow, as he’s older. So I pulled my son to the side and said: Give her the victory. Let it go.
He frowned, and started to argue a bit, but I explained the situation, how, because of his age, he is better than her at most things. So when she scores a victory, he shouldn’t try to snatch it away from her. He should honor her by complimenting her skills, by being sweet and respectful. My son, the mensch, nodded, turned to his sister (and the biggest stuffed dog I have ever had to lug across a parking lot), smiled, and said “Way to go, Noe!”…
My point with this story is two-fold. One, finally, a victory with my son’s battle to outdo his sister at everything, and Two, isn’t that the hugest stuffie you’ve ever seen?!?
[tags]teen, tween, parent, emotions, son, daughter, teach, ego, self esteem, parenting, peace [/tags]
Photo courtesy of Stu Mark, used under a Creative Commons License.
7 responses so far ↓
Megin Hatch // Jan 8, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Nice call, and good on your son for not pushing it. Sometimes it’s hard for each kid to find the space to shine.
That stuffy would NEVER fit in my house.
Barb // Jan 8, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Very cool of your son to realize what was called for at the moment, suppressing any inherent competitiveness! Even cooler of you to be able to gently convince your son of this. And coolest of all that your daughter believes nothing is impossible. Sounds like she knows The Secret, as I believe most kids do.
Mr. Fabulous // Jan 8, 2007 at 10:18 pm
Wow…that is an impressive reaction from your son and an impressive stuffed animal.
TrudyM // Jan 8, 2007 at 11:09 pm
WOW!!! That is super of Nich to understand, great for Noe to win that stuffie (biggest one I ever saw)…but most of all terrific for Stu to talk to his son with such finesse and greatness.
Your Mom
Stu Mark // Jan 8, 2007 at 11:31 pm
Thanks to everyone, but a special Thanks! to Mom, who taught me not just about boardwalks and games and prizes and fun, but also about the finesse of parenting.
TrudyM // Jan 9, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Thanks, Stu!!! But you are the one who is receiving accolades for parenting - you, indeed, are the best.
Dora-Faye // Jan 13, 2007 at 5:10 pm
I love the credit Stu gave to his mother — the VERY best way for a child (who turns into an adult and probably a parent) to learn about parenting. Way to go, Stu’s Mom, and YOU, Stu. When a child has parents to learn from they can “Play it forward”!!
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