If you don’t know this about me, it’s time you knew: I am a staunch feminist. Been so since college, near as I can remember. I wouldn’t label myself as rabid, but staunch, yes. I believe strongly that all humans, regardless of the makeup of their chromosomes, should be treated equally.
As a feminist, I pay special attention to my wife and daughter, and how they are treated, by myself and by others. I don’t hover, but I do keep an ear out.
I also keep an ear tuned to the world at large, and when I see sexism appear on the national stage, I take notice.
For example, not too long ago, presidential nominee Senator Hillary Clinton was speaking in Salem, New Hampshire and a man stood up and interrupted her speech by holding up a large sign that said, “Iron My Shirt.” There was some tittering and a bit of news coverage, but then nothing more.
On NPR the other day, I heard the great feminist activist Robin Morgan speaking about the lack of media coverage and her first comment drew me up short. She said, “…When a sexist idiot screamed at Hillary, “Iron my shirt!,” it was considered amusing. There was a lot of chuckling on all the airwaves. If a *racist* idiot had shouted, “Shine my shoes!” at Barack Obama, it would have inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing what would have been our national dishonor.”
I agree. And it’s not just Hillary Clinton, it’s all women. Sexism seems as pervasive today as it was when I was in college. And I just don’t find that acceptable. Not for my wife, not for my daughter, not for my sister or mother or friend or any cohabitant of this planet.
So I talk to my daughter about it, and, bless her heart, she speaks as an Alpha Girl would speak. She doesn’t seem to comprehend sexism as anything more than clownish buffoonery. She says to me, “No one seriously thinks boys are better than girls, right?” And I have to look into her eyes and nod my head and say, “Sorry, but yeah, many people think boys are better than girls.” Kinda sucks to have to say that to your daughter, but better she hears it from me first than out there in the world. And better she gets a few feminist lectures from me now, at age 12, than to wait until college. My perception, my belief is that we need to talk to our daughters (and our sons) about feminism as early as we can, the same way we explain the dangers of fire and bleach and heroin and guns. It’s indeed time to treat sexism as we would racism, time to bring the issue front and center, so that we may learn and grow and become the society that we want for ourselves.
by Stu Mark
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, daughter, sexism, society, racism, reaction, response, learning, growth, feminism, feminist[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by cdozo, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
10 responses so far ↓
AmyL // Feb 11, 2008 at 10:39 pm
On the one hand, I think it’s super cool that your daughter didn’t think anyone really believes in that sexist stuff. Enough people like that on the planet and the problem will go away. I plan to teach my boys to treat all human beings as equals, regardless of any characteristic. Right now they’re in the “girls are yucky” phase, lol. So we’ll keep working on it.
Stu Mark // Feb 12, 2008 at 8:48 am
AmyL, that’s why I love that book, Alpha Girls. It gave me great confidence in our future.
Dave Mark // Feb 12, 2008 at 11:00 am
Well said, all around. Perfect comparison, Clinton to Obama. My gut tells me that the reason for the difference in reaction is the intensity of the “ism”. When I hear that someone held up a sign saying “Iron my shirt”, I instantly think that this person is a dinosaur and is making a fool of himself. Perhaps its where I live, but I can’t think of a single person I know who that attitude would resonate with. Not one single person.
But “Shine my shoes” actually scares me, cause I DO know people who feel that way. Perhaps its where I live, but I can tell you lots of stories of people who have treated people harshly because of their race, creed, or religion.
Don’t you think that the war in Iraq is based on racial and religious differences? You could make the case that sexual differences are in the mix there as well. What does your gut tell you? Are the causes of terrorism and war more racist or sexist? To me, an interesting question.
– Dave
Dave Mark // Feb 13, 2008 at 10:10 am
Just wanted to add one more wrinkle to this. I posed this question to a woman with experience in the professional universe, asking whether sexism was still alive and her response was a strong yes. That men do not treat her the same as her male counterparts. To return to Stu’s original point, my guess is he’s really nailed it. “Iron My Shirt” should really be much bigger an issue than it became.
Well spoken, Stu!
– Dave
Melissa // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:00 am
Stu, while I get where you are coming from in breaking things to your daughter, I have to say, I was and am her. I entered a mostly male dominated field (engineering) and honestly never encountered anything overt that stopped me from continuing.
Sure there’s the clownish baffonery, but it never bothered me. See, I had confidence in myself. A confidence that, oddly enough I guess, my father gets a great deal of the credit for putting there. He treated me as he treated my brother. Proud of what we could do, encouraging when we tried new things, and gave me the belief that I could do whatever I wanted to do.
This was odd, sort of, because Dad wasn’t a feminist, at least not toward his wife, who he did want to be home and making dinner.
But for his daughter, there wasn’t anything in this world that she couldn’t do. So I believed it.
I guess I am saying that people can try to be racists, or biggots or pigs, but you don’t have to let them keep you from keeping your eye on whatever prize it is you’re after.
It’s good to know the playing field. As in telling your daughter some men are serious when they say women belong in the home. But it’s also good to let her know her Alpha female perspective is right too.
Did any of that make sense? Maybe I am still an idealist at my ripe old age of almost 40. Maybe not. It’s the world view I take. I hope the world can live up to it.
Stu Mark // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:41 am
Melissa,
Oh, absolutely! I talk to her about Alpha Girl stuff. I feed her on “anything is possible” and “you are awesome” and such. It’s just that I want her to be prepped for the inevitable meet-up with the sexist pig. As I try to prep her about the rest of the ugly in the world. See, she lives a sheltered life, especially with us, who are easily the coolest parents in the world.
Well, maybe that’s a bit much, but I see that she sees that she’s got it good, and I try to provide a little mental balance for that, so she doesn’t become too naive.
Stu Mark // Feb 14, 2008 at 11:43 am
Dave,
Thanks for the kind words, and for the investigation. Yeah, sexism is swept under the rug when it comes to the media. We need to bring it out into the light and continue leveling the playing field.
Melissa // Feb 14, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Stu, you are easily the coolest parents in the world. Easily.
Stu Mark // Feb 14, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Melissa,
You really made my day with that. Thank you. And I hope something I’ve written here has helped you in some way, for you are the parent that I write to, the parent I write for.
Dave Mark // Feb 15, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Just one more thing. Stu, you must be prescient. Check out this article from today’s CNN post:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/15/kaye.ohioracegender/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
– Dave
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