Grasshopper New Media Presents...

Winter is settling in here on the prairie and our little family has a bad case of cabin fever. Our Midwestern town is small and our beloved cousins and playmates are 700 miles to the east. The Poo is restless. At the tender age of 2.1, she’s already formed strong attachments and chants the names of “her peoples” every day when we drive around town looking for something to do.

“And Meemaw, and Lizzy, and Teddy …” she says from the backseat in her sing-song voice.

I chant along with her, naming off all the adults and children who shower her with affection - and who live far, far away. I miss them, too. My new friends are wonderful, kind and thoughtful women who take great pains to make sure I feel welcomed. But it isn’t the same as spending time with my sister, or the women I’ve known since I was eight years old. Those relationships are as comfortable as my oldest, thinnest, most beloved pajamas.

But we soldier on, The Poo and I, while daddy grows his brain so we can grow our family.

A woman who lives nearby has the potential to be a lifelong girlfriend, and she takes her son to a local mother’s morning-out program three times a week. Another new acquaintance does the same, and both have encouraged me to set The Poo - and myself - free once in a while during these long cold months of isolation. An hour in the care of two pre-school teachers and a gaggle of other children would certainly brighten the girl’s long day.

Today we take the plunge. The girl needs new faces and places to spark her imagination. I need an hour to write for a new client.

So why am I so conflicted? Why is my guilt overwhelming my equally overwhelming desire for a break? I never worried about leaving her with her babysitter back in New York. But here … I only have a sitter when she naps, so I can slip in and out while she sleeps, my absences undetected.

My sister pointed out that eventually The Poo will have to go to school, probably even next year. And she’s right. The Poo is very bright, and her intellect needs more stimulation than I can provide by myself. She needs a good pre-school and she needs to learn the rules we live by in the outside world.

Nonetheless, I find myself struggling today with separation anxiety - mine, not hers.

[tags]parenting, child, separation anxiety, nervous parent, intellect, school, education[/tags]

Photo courtesy of DogFaceBoy, used under a Creative Commons License.