Grasshopper New Media Presents...

One of the funny things about kids with learning differences and kids who struggle in school is that they become very “risk adverse”. These children spend so much time feeling like they don’t “get it” or don’t fit in, or feel simply like they are not as bright as everyone else in the room, that over time, they simply stop trying. They are the quiet ones in the back of the classroom who won’t ask questions, even though you know they have them. They are the rowdy ones who have gone beyond “sit and wait it out” and have decided “Well, I’ll just make my own fun” or “Any attention is better than none at all”. They don’t engage with teachers and parents, because the only message they receive is that they are never good enough.

This is the thing that breaks my heart as a parent, and as someone who tutors kids at a middle school. The children who have no hope, no sense that they can do it, no joy in learning- it’s been beaten out of them, and they have very little self esteem regarding academics or how smart they really are. Many start overcompensating with social skills, such as becoming the Queen Bees of the world, or the Sports Guys or the Class Clowns. Every kid needs to know in their heart they are good at something- that they have value and a purpose- and we need to help them develop this inside themselves.

One of the things I have loved most about this past year is that I have learned to take more risks myself. I wrote on my Parent’s Eye View blog this week about the New Mommy Conundrum- how stay at home moms often become so used to putting themselves at the bottom of their own priority lists, that when it comes time to do something for ourselves, we are scared to have the sunlight shine on us, preferring to remain in the shadows. For me, 2006 was all about stretching my comfort zone and trying new things. Alot of it was incredibly scary. Much of it has paid off in wonderful and unexpected ways. Seeds are planted for the future.

So if there’s one thing we can remember for the New Year, one gift we can try to give our children, it is teaching them how to take (sensible) risks. No, bungee jumping isn’t on the list. But trying new foods is. Going to overnight camp. Signing up for a new sport, or maybe even an art class. Asking them to raise their hand at least once a day, if not once per class. Make a contribution, step outside their own comfort zones, and risk, just a little more than before. This is where we can begin to foster self- esteem and self-confidence. My goal is to try to get my eight year old to try new foods- the “tasting” -without kvetching and gain a sense of experimentation - some will be good, some bad- each is new. For my eleven year old, I want him to take a few more risks in school, by doing that little bit extra- the New Orleans sense of lagnappe- going the extra few inches between good and great.

I know I’ve learned this year that saying Yes when No seems easier and safer would have shut me off from a whole new world of wonderful friends I have come to treasure and feel like they are really part of my family. The odd part is that they haven’t yet met my family, and in some cases, we haven’t even met face to face. But these wonderful people are with me every day, when I think about whether Chris Brogan, for example, is finally getting some time to hang out and decompress after his travel schedule; whether Megin and Rob are having fun with the kiddos getting ready for the holidays; hoping Erica is having a great season in Scotland, as I envy her access to the greatest christmas crackers ever; Hoping Ben is doing well in Montreal and is not secretly deciding to forswear advice to technical scaredy cats; to all of my friends at Grasshopper New Media and beyond, who are willing to read and listen to my ideas.

So my trite advice of the season is to risk a little more; say yes when you could say no a little more often to adventure and new experience, and try to take yourself outside your comfort zone a little at a time. Help your kids and family members do the same. Go sledding and forget about the fact that you’ll get cold and wet- enjoy the fun! See the glass as a little more full and a little less empty. (Or as my Dad the engineer would say- twice as big as it needs to be.) The sunshine is really fine- you can bring the sunscreen and still enjoy a little more light and adventure!

What do you think? Can you come up with 3 things to try or do this coming year that you have put off or avoided?

[tags]resolutions, new years resolutions, holidays, parenting[/tags]
Photo by Matthew Ladd via Flickr.