Grasshopper New Media Presents...

I have been married for almost 11 years. My husband and I have the perfect marriage. We never argue and we are always kind and respectful. We laugh and are in perfect sync when it comes to our childrearing practices. We never interrupt or insult each other. We always agree with every choice the other makes.

Oh, and by the way, I have this bridge I’d like to sell you… but seriously, while far from perfect, my marriage can absolutely be classified as happy.

I spent quite a while catching up with a friend on the phone last night. We never see each other, but often rely on the other when we need to talk things out. She was baring some of the intimacies of marriage that you can’t share with all of your friends. You know, lingerie, gadgets, toys… (just kidding, not those intimacies). I’m referring to the intimacies that we try and pretend aren’t there. The struggles in marriage that pop up from time to time that linger longer than your average squabble. I offered a reassurance that everyone deals with issues, but she questioned it. “It seems like it’s so easy for everyone else.”

My take is this: we spend a lot of time pretending that our lawn is the greenest, but when we look out over the neighborhood we do so with envy. That lawn has no dandelions. That one has no crabgrass. Not a hint of moss growing on that one. We look at other relationships, at how people present themselves, and it looks as though they are stronger, happier, easier. The fact is that every marriage has it’s share of weeds. There might be times when they are kept at bay, but if we looked hard enough, we would see them.

It’s not just marriage though, is it? It’s parenting and housekeeping and sibling relationships, and money and friendships.

It’s a lot of pressure to keep up appearances. It would behoove us all to recognize that although your neighbor might not have the same issues that you have, they certainly have their own. As a woman, a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter and a sister I want to rely on the women in my life to listen and support me and accept my honesty without judgment. I want to listen and support and accept their honesty without judgment. I want to be able to expose my issues and know that they will expose theirs. Damn it, it does take a village… not just to raise a child. Having and being part of a strong support system lends the strength needed to work through the challenges that we face.

Open up to your friends. Be honest. You are not the only one out there struggling.

As far as marriage goes: it’s not about the grass being greener. It’s about working together to create the lawn you want. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s harder than we ever thought it would be.

[tags]family, marriage, struggles, relationships, envy[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by the author, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved