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My wife, our toddler, and I went to a friend’s second birthday party this weekend. Our daughter Boo was the oldest there by a bare two months, but she’s riding high on the growth charts; I think she outweighed even some of the adults, and it’s all muscle. Even more telling, her usual playmates are in the 3- and 4-year old set, and she gravitates toward those with a boisterous play style. All of which means that she’s a bit precocious when it comes to a skill we were in no hurry to encourage: physical intimidation.

She snatched the bubble toy. Then a shovel. (I intervened both times of course, but won’t that just make her more stealthy?) Once, she even grabbed at her own water bottle, affronted that her mother would dare to hold it for her. And while her actions wouldn’t have bothered me in another child using Boo as the “snatchee,” I just hate seeing my daughter discover that bulldozing through smaller kids can get her that toy she wants.

Frequently, I’m reassured by watching her learn more gentle social strategies. Later in the party, when the coveted bubble toy again attracted every child’s attention, she followed it around, waiting to take the next turn. She also pushed a toy lawnmower “with” another child, although her playmate may not have been an entirely willing participant in the arrangement. And while doing some digging with another couple of kids, she happily shared around the bugs and worms she was finding. (Although, to be honest, I’m not sure everyone wanted to be shared with at that point.)

“Sharing” is at its best in play scenarios that are naturally reciprocal. Playing with a ball is much more fun when you give as well as get. The same goes for digging as a group, drawing (when there are ample supplies), or dancing — these are activities that get more fun the more people that do them. On the other hand, many “special” toys — noisemakers, rolling activity centers, and anything you only bring one of — can’t really be shared in the true sense of the word. Sure, you can enforce that your kid takes turns, but that always leaves someone out. Adults have to get involved when fancy individual toys come to the playground, especially parents of kids who, like mine, are a bit bigger than the mean.

Objectivity is easy in hindsight: my daughter is no bully. She’s developing a normal social sense and cares for her real and imaginary friends. In the playground moment, though, when Boo pushes or grabs or runs just a little faster to get to the swing first, I instinctively recoil and want to scold her in the harshest possible terms. A deep breath later, though, I settle for a mild rebuke and move on. Finally, I realize that Boo will discover best for herself the simple truth that treating others well is its own best reward.

by Doodaddy

[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, behavior, strength, gentle, strong, careful, willing, sharing, self control[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by tread, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved