Grasshopper New Media Presents...

The Punks are growing. It’s not some great revelation, but it does surprise me when they actually demonstrate it.

Punk #1 is 8 years old and on Saturday decided that he’d really like an iPod. This didn’t come out of left field, his mom and I each have one and his eight year old cousin has one and had visited last weekend.

It also happened that Punk #1 came into a bit of cash this weekend having celebrated both his First Communion and Confirmation. It was a wonderful day, but like any eight year old, the possibilities stacked within that pile of money quickly became his focus. He spent the rest of the day deciding what to do with his new found fortune and landed on purchasing an iPod.

The Rule

The rule in our house has always been that if the Punks want to buy something, they have to put the equivalent amount of money into savings (if only their parents would abide by the same rule). It is, in fact, an attempt on our part to teach the importance of ensuring that you truly have enough resources to make the decision to consume.

On this occasion, it caused a little consternation as Punk #1 had some money now, but was beginning to realize that his goal of obtaining the same iPod his cousin has might be out of reach. However, after some careful counting, he could afford to buy the Shuffle, a nice entry point for him. He bought it, but that’s not the story.

Integration

The next day was spent with a resplendent Punk immersed in a new universe of isolated musical enjoyment. Well, it was isolated for him, but the rest of us were entertained by his serenades of made up lyrics and his clearly self-conscious assimilation of this new technology into his heretofore simple existence. He walked differently, he sang (Crocodile Rock, I Shot the Sheriff, Major Tom, Rocky Raccoon), he curled up on the couch by himself and even laid on his bed for awhile just staring and singing.

A Decision

He had asked us about taking the iPod to school the next morning. We let him know that we’d think about it, but asked him to hold off for a day.

That night, he brought it up again. He was lying in bed and I was faced with a few choices. Should I just say no and tell him why? Should I say yes, trust him and run the risk of a very disappointed little guy should something happen? Should I wait for my wife (always a good bet in my book)?

Something else jumped into my head. I wanted to recognize his desire and hear his thinking. I sat down with Punk #1 on his bed.

Me: So you really want to bring your iPod to school.

P#1: Yes.

Me: If I were you, I would be very excited to bring it to school, too. I’d want to show my friends, to listen to it on the bus. I would love to do that. It would be very exciting to me.

P#1: (nodding in acknowledgment)

Me: Can I share with you my thinking about it?

P#1: Sure.

Me: Well, I would be very excited about bringing it to school, but I would also be worried…

P#1: (interjecting) My teacher told us today that two high school kids had their iPods stolen from their lockers.

Me: Wow, I wonder how you would feel if that happened to you with your iPod.

P#1: Not good.

Me: Yeah, I think you have two very big feelings to think about: the good feeling of bringing the iPod and showing your friends and listening to it and the bad feeling of losing it or having it broken.

What are you thinking?

P#1: I think I should leave it at home.

Me: It really sounds like you already know the best decision for you. I know it’s hard, but I think you’re right.

P#1: (dissappointed) Yeah.

So, Punk #1 knew the answer, not because he sensed we wouldn’t let him, but because he had weighed the possibilities.

He was in some way looking for my permission, or for me to say that the bad feeling wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t. I could only value his passion of feeling excited and support his mastery of having already figured it out.

I’m sure he’ll bring it up again at some point, for the iPod or for some other object. And rather than “remember what I told you last time,” I can keep the discussion open and encouraging, reflecting with him about the decision he made and supporting his strength.

The Punks are definitely growing and much as I am inclined to fight it, watching it happen is really fantastic.

by Rob Hatch

Photo graciously provided by lYinyang, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
[tags]iPod, shuffle, kids, money, parenting, responsibility, rules[/tags]