Grasshopper New Media Presents...

“I see an epidemic of idolized kids in this country. But one of the many problems with treating children like precious little hothouse flowers, instead of the hearty geraniums they generally are, is that it can sap the joy of family life from everyone.”

        - Columnist/Commentator Betsy Hart

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After our recent family vacation, i’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I make as a parent, and those of my friends, compared to those made by my Mom and others in her generation.

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As a child, it was expected that we would do chores, independent from any allowance. We were expected to help, and often without being asked- it was known that when Mom honked the horn in the driveway, we were expected to show up and help unload groceries and put them away. we were expected to help prepare dinner and clean up afterwards. It was never even a question or open for debate.

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I often painted myself as Cinderella as a child. I would mentally whine about having to rake leaves and waste my free time on yard chores or other tasks on weekends. Why should I have to vacuum the stairs from the basement to the third floor? Woe was me.

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Then, after I went way to college, I discovered I was one of the few people that already knew how to do their own laundry. I think I taught half the guys on my freshman floor about separating colors and clothes by weight. (Jeans can be washed with towels, but shouldn’t be washed with shirts, if you can avoid it…) When I had my first apartment and first house, all thouse skills I learned by helping in the garden, fixing stuff, diagnosing problems, all came into use.

After having kids, I realized that my Mom was really brilliant in this regard. By having kids help around the house and do chores, it’s not just all about lessing the burden on the Mom. It’s also about:

1. teaching responsibility for your things and those of others
2. learning to be a good roommate and live with others- being considerate
3. respecting the work and help others give you/do for you
4. Learning skills that allow you to be independent
5. Learning, slowly, over time, how to be a grown-up

It would be unfair to sit a third grader down and ask them to take the SAT’s. It takes years of learning and preparation to take these tests. Likewise, being a grown-up and moving out on your own, requires years of preparation. if we don’t give our kids small amounts of responsibility, gradually increasing it over time, how will they be ready for it once they need to rely on themselves? Growing up and being on your own for the first time can be scary, but also exilarating. When you handle your first crisis- whether it’s paying a bill late, changed a tire, or whatever it is- it makes you feel like a competent adult.

We need to let our kids take on new responsibilities and be successful at them when they’re little. We need to help them learn to be independent. Doing things for them can seem more expedient at times, or easier. We might not agree with the standard of clean in the bathroom, for example, yet if we don’t teach them how to clean it properly, or what clean means, then how are they ever going to know how to do it on their own? We’re not protecting our kids or “letting them enjoy their free time” when we do all the chores ourselves. We are actually doing our kids a disservice by removing their opportunities to practice grown-up skills at home, where it’s safe to make mistakes and learn.

So I give my kids an allowance to teach them money management skills. I talk to them about choices, about chores, about helping. I appreciate the help, teaching them how to work as part of the home team, and know that as much as they may complain, it really is in their best interest, in the long run.

So Thanks Mom, and sorry for the whining I did as a teen. you were right. I needed to learn that stuff, and I am thanking you later.

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[tags]kids, children, parents, behavior, teaching responsibility, money management, discipline, focus[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Brit., through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved