Whenever I go out in public with my twin daughters I get lots of stares and lots of questions. Most people are polite and smile at my girls. Some will make eye contact with me, others won’t. If they ask me silly questions, I respond using a pleasant tone and non-sarcastic reply (most of the time).
The most popular question I get is, “Are they twins?” My most popular answer, “Yes” with a slight nod and smile. Second most popular question, “Are they identical?” My common response is, “No, they are fraternal” but what I want to say is “Identical means identical - same color hair & texture, same approximate size, same eyes, nose, mouth, etc.” Just FYI - one of my girls is a blonde with straight hair, the other brunette with curls. Every now and then I get asked, “Do you curl her hair so that they look different.” Sometimes it takes all my willpower to answer that one with a straight face, although I’ve been known to use sarcasm in my comeback.
But what drives me crazy is when people stare and stand close by and continue to stare. This happened twice within two days. We were all out shopping for outdoor furniture and decided to sit on the adorable and colorful love seat size rocking chairs. A sales person, from a different department mind you, walks up and starts asking the most popular twin questions. Then she stands there and watches my girls. And stands there some more. And stands there some more, all the while watching my daughters. I start to get a little uncomfortable and say, “Hey girls, let’s go find Daddy.” And I walk away as fast as possible.
Next day, we are at the grocery store. We are getting settled in the “go-car” shopping cart and the woman who stands at the door to welcome customers smiles at us as we walk in. I hand Copy Cat and Pack Rat the sanitary wipes the store provides so they can clean the “car” before they get in cart. This women, who I think might have had a disability but I’m not sure, stood guard near our cart, where I placed my purse, as Copy Cat and Pack Rat cleaned the entire car. At first I appreciated her ‘protective’ gesture, but then became uncomfortable as she continued to stand guard as they climbed in. I smiled and quickly walked away. Like I mentioned, I think she might have been disabled so I’m not sure she realized what she was doing. However, I cannot offer the same excuse for the other woman I discussed previously.
My point here - be considerate of others when you are out in public places. Try not to stare too long. It’s Ok to look. It’s even OK to smile, make eye contact or even ask a silly question or two. But keep in mind that looking too long often is constituted to be staring which causes the other person to feel uncomfortable.
When we are out in public I know that we are “freaks of nature” as I jokingly like to label us. For some reason twins are totally fascinating to the general public. I make a point not to gawk when I see a physically disabled person even though my curiosity might want to know more about them or their condition.
There is a fine line between a stare and a smile. A smile is the only one that makes a person’s day brighter.
by Kelly Damron
Photo graciously provided by Jaye_Elle, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
3 responses so far ↓
Anita B // Aug 23, 2008 at 7:49 am
I’ve actually had this situation come up quite a few times when I used to run a care home for mentally challenged adults. People would stare all the time everywhere we went. One particular day comes to mind only because it was a day where I had had enough. We were in the food court at the mall and this one couple stared at us throughout our entire meal, but when we were finished, I took my group of 5 adults, walked over to their table and said, “Hi, my name is Anita. I’ve noticed you’ve been quite interested in us for the past half hour, so this is C, this is K, this is B, this is T and this is C. Would you like to shake hands?” They both promptly got up and walked away without a word. I didn’t have to explain myself to my group, they get this every day, but they did laugh about it for weeks and kept re-telling the story to all visitors! Anyway, please don’t stare!
Anita B // Aug 23, 2008 at 7:52 am
Oh, and I just remembered. My son is almost 2 and I just started nannying for a boy who is almost 3. They are about the same size and they both look a lot like me, it’s almost scary. I don’t get asked any ridiculous questions yet, but I’m sure I will. It’s just amazing how people will look at you when they think you have 2 kids that close in age, or they think they are twins. I’m not sure what they’re thinking, but it’s kind of funny at the moment. Imagine what would happen if I get pregnant in the next year!
Jaye_Elle // Sep 8, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Thank you for using my photo! I love to see which sites they end up on. My twins, pictured above, are now 16 and will soon be driving.
When people find out I have twins, I still get asked, “Are they identical?” They don’t seem to get the idea of what identical means. I still find myself explaining it. What can you do?
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