Brrrrrring! Brrrrrrring!
“Goood morning! Thanks for calling Mommy’s Sick Day! Your illness is our opportunity! My name is Becky, how can we help you today?”
“Hi, Becky, I hab a terrible stuffy dose and a feber this morning.”
“Ooooh, you sound awful! What’s your temperature?”
“I’m not sure, but I hab chills and I’m sweating.”
“OK, you definitely qualify. How many children.”
“One.”
“Oh gosh, this will be an easy one. How old?”
“Two. A girl.”
“OK, OK. Any food preferences?”
“None.”
“You mean she likes everything?”
“I mean she won’t eat anything.”
“Whew! That’s more like it. I was afraid we were dealing with an unusual situation for a minute there. How many adults in your household? And does anyone else share your symptoms?”
“Well, as soon as I told my husband I wasn’t feeling well he collapsed in a weeping heap on the floor and begged me to make him some tea and toast.”
“I see, I see. I’m going to mark this as a Code Red. Can we bring you anything when we come to take care of the babies — uh, I mean the baby and your husband?”
“Yes, please. A People Magazine and a mocha non-fat latte. And I assume this comes with chicken soup?”
“Of course. We’ll be right there! And we’ll also bring you some NyQuil. You do sound terrible, you poor thing.”
“Thank you, Becky, and what is your rate?”
“Oh, a trife, really. It is $100,000 per hour.”
“Totally worth it. When can I expect you?”
“I’m on my way!”
Photo courtesy of Squeaky Marmot, used under a Creative Commons License.
[tags]children, planet, better[/tags]
5 responses so far ↓
Megin Hatch // Feb 6, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Oh, there are days when I worship at the alter of Dora. I am not proud of it, but I’m cool with it-
How else does a sick Mom make it?
Whitney // Feb 6, 2007 at 1:56 pm
I love this!
The podcast, Screaming Halibut, did a bit back in March where a woman is making a call to what sounds like a 900 number service, with the sexy guy on the other end seductively offering to do things like wash the dishes, fold the laundry or vacuum. Every mom I have played it for was hysterical. They do a second bit where the guy is in his car, running errands and stops to ASK FOR DIRECTIONS! The woman then says with desperate lust “Oh yeah baby, find your way home!”
Annie // Feb 6, 2007 at 7:43 pm
OMG, I’m laughing hysterically over here!
Yeah, in my household you can count hubs as Child #3. Hmmm…is that $100,000 in Monopoly money?? I’ve definitely go that, LOL.
Whitney, where can I find that podcast? And does a man like that actually exist??????
Stu Mark // Feb 6, 2007 at 10:17 pm
See, I feel like defending men at this point, but the truth is, well, the truth. Yeah, I’m the same way. Unless there’s some serious grown-up type behavior that is required on my part, a slight fever will send me right into a heap. I completely understand why G-d gave women the ability to conceive, ’cause if it were up to men, the human race would have disappeared a long time ago.
Whitney // Feb 7, 2007 at 12:35 am
Here’s the link to the Screaming Halibut episode:
http://www.screaminghalibut.com/listen.html
The specific episode is:
The Lion, The Witch, and The Halibut 2006-03-06
It’s a podcast with separate sketches strung together- the one I was talking about happens in two parts, #1 The ” Filthy Fantasy Line For Ladies” and a second part, a little later on, ” Find Your Way Home Baby”. It’s pretty hysterical.
Whit
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