Ben is rushing headlong into adolescence, and I’ve realized that I need to stay current and update a few of my time-honored parenting strategies. Let me lay out a recent scenario for you in order to illustrate just how I’m going to need to change things up:
A few days ago, Ben started intramural track and field after school. That morning, he wondered aloud whether there was anything in particular he needed to bring with him for practice. I told him that he might want to wear sneakers to school instead of his usual (and winter-battered) hikers. Judging from his response to what I’d thought was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, you’d think I’d asked him to stick his head in a pot full of boiling water.
“Why would I need to do THAT?,” he pouted. “My hikers are fine. They’re a lot like sneakers, anyway. No one ever said we had to wear sneakers.”
I replied, “Usually, when people run and jump, they wear sneakers. It’s possible that your instructor assumed you’d wear sneakers – that she thought it was so obvious that it didn’t need to be said. Besides, your hikers are so bent down at the heel at this point that they may just slip right off your feet when you try to sprint in them.”
Ben glared at me. “I don’t need sneakers,” he snapped. I shrugged. End of dialogue.
Yesterday morning, on what would be his second afternoon of track and field practice, I noticed that just before he left for school he grabbed his sneakers and shoved them into his backpack. But first he glanced at me to make sure that I wasn’t watching him.
As he did, I tried to look otherwise occupied. But I was watching, and I did see.
Next time Ben asks me for my input in making a decision or choosing a course of action, I’m going to respond with the choice I believe to be less attractive and expect that he’ll automatically do the opposite.
Yes, it’s the decidedly unsophisticated, old-fashioned, and deceptive (don’t forget deceptive!) method of reverse psychology. Ben’s almost eleven, and it’s time.
[tags] Behavior, children, feelings, kids, Parenting, parents, preadolescence, preadolesent, school, sneakers, strategy[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by HKmPUA, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
4 responses so far ↓
Laura // Apr 24, 2008 at 11:44 am
Slouching Mom,
My oldest is ten and I’m starting to see hints of this from him. I am decidedly the meanest, uncoolest mom on the block, no… in the town. I like the old-fashioned reverse psychology trick. Funny how a perfectly innocent and reasonable answer can turn a child against you, common sense… and his sneakers!
Keep us posted.
Laura
InTheFastLane // Apr 24, 2008 at 11:54 am
There are so many times that I refuse to give suggestions, because I know they will either do the opposite or whatever it was they wanted to do in the first place. Good luck on the whole pre-adolescent thing. i didn’t really have trouble with Violet and is more on the “drama” end of trouble. But, Dash…I think he might have been born for reverse psychology.
Megin Hatch // Apr 25, 2008 at 6:44 am
(a sound slightly resembling a laugh, but closer to impending doom)
We do need to shake things up from time to time. What works for a 3 year old won’t for a 10 year old. At a lot of different stages Rob and I look at each other and throw our arms up. Then we look at the kid an the stage and try and figure out an approach for him at that time. Sometimes it helps- usually it at least helps us feel better when we talk about what’s not working and contemplate selling the kid on ebay.
STL Mom // Apr 29, 2008 at 8:23 am
I’m almost 40, and when my mom tells me I should do something (and yes, she still has lots of “suggestions”) my first instinct is STILL to not do it, or do the opposite, no matter how reasonable it is.
Does this give me sympathy for my equally stubborn children? Not really! But when I’m not too frazzled, I try the old, “well, what do you think you should bring with you?” so it seems more like a conversation than instructions. They are 8 and 5, so they can still be fooled some of the time.
Leave a Comment