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“Parents are not quite interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.”

       –BILL COSBY

My youngest is a humor machine- he loves making all of us laugh, and giving him a smattering of good comics without a not-stop string of four letter words is a challenge.  We’ve been through a Bill Cosby phase, and the quote above got me thinking-

As much as we think parenting has changed over the years, much of it’s still the same.

Whenever I asked my Dad about what he wanted for Father’s Day growing up, he would say "peace and quiet".  I could never understand this at all.  Why not a new tool, or something fun, like a day at the amusement park?  It was clear I would never understand what grown-ups really enjoyed.

Now, much to my constant surprise, I am a grown-up with kids of my own.  I now understand grown-ups and all those weird things my parents complained about.  When I talk to my mom about my kids driving me slightly bonkers, she just laughs, because of course, this is a grandparent’s moment of divine revenge-  "See, I told you so" rings in the peals of laughter, as tears roll down their cheeks.  Thanks, Mom.

And now, just as my parents could have predicted, I find the small moments of quiet and solitude a blessing.  As I have remarked in the more testosterone-filled moments in our house, my husband doesn’t have to worry about me leaving him for another man.  For a small, quiet, beachside apartment, full of ruffly, girly things- yes, some days, that’s a huge risk.  (For a real laugh, I am reading "The House of Testosterone" this summer, a book by a mom with three sons.)

I like the quiet, especially because the kids are home this summer with minimal planned activities.  We’re doing a lot of traveling, so most weeks, we’re only here 4 out of 5 weekdays, making camps a bit difficult to schedule.  This means trying to find some sort of pattern to the days to keep us all sane.  It’s been fun so far, but when my husband took the kids last night to the pool and I had an hour of continuous quiet, I felt a sense of peace that was truly as good as a spa treatment.  I felt recharged by the time they got home, and ready to do the mom thing again.  (ie.  get out the whistle and be ready to referee again.)

So while we think parenting is so different from what our parents had to contend with, I think many of the basics still remain the same- a little peace and quiet goes a long way to keeping one’s sanity.  I can be a referee that would earn me a place in any major sports league during the day.  I can deal with metting out justice like Hammurabi.  As long as I get some peace and quiet for part of the day, I can do this.  Without those moments of peace, my nerves are a bit singed by the end of the day, and my husband gives me that look asking "Are you Okay?" when he walks in the door.

And like Bill Cosby said, otherwise "Parents are not interested in justice, they are interested in quiet." Fights will be settled not to resolve the problem, but to resolve the noise.  Parenting may be easier with ear plugs.

by Whitney Hoffman

Photo of Dr. Cosby used under Fair Use practices