I have been doing some heavy thinking, reading about all the children who will be abandoning their parents this fall for educational pursuits. Both my kids are doing the same, and my son is starting high school, which is extra painful - I can see the gray hair sprouting up like ashen wheat across my beard.
I thought that this would be what I’d write about this week, how sad I am that my kids will be going back to school, how I can empathize with all the teary-eyed moms and dads who are sending their babies to kindergarten or grade school or even college.
And then I remembered that I’m supposed to be giving advice, not using my column as a therapy session. And that’s the thought that bloomed into this: Own your feelings.
You’ve got feelings. Your kids know you’ve got feelings. Don’t hide them. Even the unpleasant ones. If you’re going to miss your kid so much that it makes you cry, go find your kid right now, grab them in a big hug, and cry. Let them in on your pain. It’s real and it’s reasonable.
And guess what - you’ll earn your kid’s respect. Because your kid isn’t stupid. They know you hurt. And if you deny it, they know you’re a liar, and no one respects a liar.
…just a thought…
[tags]kids, children, parents, leaving, school, missing, sadness, feelings, relationships, candor, honesty, truth, respect[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Fran-cis-ca, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
2 responses so far ↓
Whitney // Aug 20, 2007 at 7:03 am
Thanks, Stu- needed this this am. We’ve come home from vacation and there’s a big empty place because our dog passed away while we were gone. We’re all feeling sad on and off, and making sure we all are allowed to feel is important- Just pretending to be strong for each other really doesn’t help anyone.
Stu Mark // Aug 20, 2007 at 7:12 am
Whitney, my deepest empathy.
I agree, pretending to be strong (or pretending to be anything) isn’t as helpful as raw emotion during times like this. As they say, tie a knot at the end of the rope and hang on, things will get better.
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