The house next door to ours has been for sale since the summer. Last night at the dinner table, Ben suggested that we buy it, or, if not, that at the very least we buy one of the houses on the cul-de-sac nearest to our house.
When my husband and I asked him why we’d want to do such a thing, he looked at us as if we were a bit daft. “For me and Jack, of course,†he said. “We’ll need somewhere of our own to live when we grow up, and this way, we’ll be right near you, in case we need something.â€
“Yeah!,†Jack added, obliging, as always, his older brother.
“But won’t you want to have children of your own and live with them instead of with each other?,†I asked, as I tried to stifle my giggles.
Ben thought for a moment. “Maybe… But wait! I’d need to get married first, right? If I decided to have kids?â€
“That’s usually the way it’s done. You’d most likely live with the mother of your children, so that they would have the opportunity to be with both of their parents at the same time,†I reasoned.
“Well, then, no way,†Ben said, shaking his head in distaste. “I’ll live with Jack. We can come over to your house if we need anything.â€
And I thought, Like laundry?, but I held my tongue.
The truth is that I am both touched by Ben’s proposal and honored that he finds being with me and my husband pleasant enough that he’d expect to build his adult life around us. His idea is made even more poignant by the fact that within three or four years, if Ben even remembers having floated it past us, he’ll laugh, finding it so utterly preposterous. Today, we are the sun to Ben’s and Jack’s planets. Tomorrow, I’m told, we may, like Pluto, end up a planet on the fringes of their galaxy, a planet so small and irrelevant that it’s now considered unworthy of its time-honored place in the hierarchy.
[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, family, conversations, concepts, marriage, house, home, time, generations[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by peasap, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
23 responses so far ↓
Carl // Dec 20, 2007 at 12:36 pm
This was well-written. Thanks.
IntheFastLane // Dec 20, 2007 at 1:16 pm
And it is so nice that he wants to have his brother live with him.
Emily // Dec 20, 2007 at 1:42 pm
But for right now, it’s awfully nice.
Lori // Dec 20, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Hopefully not Pluto… but definitely not the sun anymore.
Although, I do think that even at almost-13 my son still can’t imagine his adult life not being in close proximity to us. All in all, his world is still quite small, and we are still at the center. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it.
Erica // Dec 20, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Very well written post, and so true.
Painted Maypole // Dec 20, 2007 at 2:51 pm
oh, so sweet. remind him of that in 20 years when he’s looking to move across the country… or across the world!
Hetha // Dec 20, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Oh, sweet Ben. He may not change his mind in terms of wanting to live near you. I dated a boy in high school who always talked about settling down in our small town and raising a family in the same neighborhood as our families. I always hated the idea and thought he was just kidding - but he certainly wasn’t. At 39 years of age, he is raising a family right down the street from his mom and dad!
cce // Dec 20, 2007 at 3:35 pm
My two talk about similar living arrangements. There is a house just next door that they have their sights on. I always get a chuckle out of the discussion and then start my own scheming…maybe they’ll take their father in too and they all could just visit me on occasion.
Beck // Dec 20, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I live five minutes away from my parents! I can’t imagine moving.
The Boy would like to move into this teeny green house down the house from me and come over every day for cookies. Oh, my heart.
flutter // Dec 20, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Oh Ben.
Monica // Dec 20, 2007 at 3:47 pm
I thought the same thing when I was a child. There were two extended families living on our street and they each had two houses, one for each generation. I always hoped to have my parents near.
And it was my parents who followed me. 180 miles. And now we live two minutes apart. I love it. Happy belated birthday to Jack.
Heather // Dec 20, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Awww. My daughter says the same thing. She wants to live right next door. I’m sure she’ll change her mind on that quickly!
tulipmom // Dec 20, 2007 at 5:18 pm
SB has said the very same thing about living down the street from us. In fact, just recently, he said that he would come over after dinner (interesting choice there …. what, aren’t my dinners good enough?) and (here’s the sweet part) help me do stuff like cleaning up the kitchen and laundry. Since D. goes to bed super early and I’m always up late, he figured he’d come over to keep me company.
They’re so sweet, aren’t they? At least for another few/several years …??
Mrs. G. // Dec 20, 2007 at 6:23 pm
This reminds me of when my son used to tell me I was the only one he wanted to marry. He’s thirteen tomorrow and has his eye on a hole new batch of candidates. I’m old news.
So sweet.
WorksForMom // Dec 20, 2007 at 8:03 pm
I’ve just always (ALWAYS) been partial to anything that Ben says.
But the fact that he wants to live with his brother? Perfect. Be sure that he and his brother read this story in 10 years.
susiej // Dec 21, 2007 at 6:24 am
He just assumes he will live with his brother — that the way he feels now will be the way he feels forever — and no one will come between them. That’s such a precious part of your story.
Heather // Dec 21, 2007 at 6:43 am
This was sweet. Ben and Jack, together forever. My how they will roll with laughter in a few years!
Manic Mommy // Dec 21, 2007 at 6:49 am
I think at some point it reverses and they’re the sun and we’re the planets revoling around them.
Somehow I don’t think you’ll end up as Pluto
Bon // Dec 21, 2007 at 6:50 am
yep, they’ll probably kill themselves laughing about the idea in a few years time. or stay forever in your basement until you’re cracking for them to become independent.
but for the moment, in the now, how sweet they are, how loved and secure and safe in the orbit you’ve nurtured for them.
Aliki // Dec 21, 2007 at 2:38 pm
My mom is always holding over my head the fact that when I was nine I told her I would never ever leave her.
Sigh.
Kyla // Dec 21, 2007 at 3:21 pm
I don’t think we’ll ever be Pluto. But we sure won’t be the sun anymore.
nan // Dec 22, 2007 at 10:21 am
Hmm. Well, I was the first of my siblings to move out, and lived hundreds of miles away! Somehow, my family and I have ended up living very near to my Mum and Dad, and my brother and sister laugh at me all the time… They thought I was the LEAST likely to live here! But, it is a great arrangement. We are all happy, and spend plenty of time in each others’ kitchens!
Ginger // Dec 23, 2007 at 9:46 pm
I’m like Nan — the youngest of four but the only one that moved away and now the only one that lives in a different state than everyone else! But like WorksforMom said, make sure they read this story. Or better yet, I have a video of my son when he was about six, running through the sprinklers, and pausing just long enough for me to interview him. On the tape (yes, tape) he says, “Mom, you and I are always going to live together, right? Even when I go to college, right?” At the time I laughed and loved it, and of course, knew I’d be a complete failure of a mother if he still felt this way when he was 18. He’s 12 now, and while he asks me questions about how I will be as a grandma to HIS kids, he hasn’t asked me to go to college with him ever again. I’m lucky if he lets me walk near him at the grocery store some days! But I’m sure you will always remember this story … and the time in their lives when your boys wanted to be your neighbors! It’s a lovely story.
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