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“I think the empty-nest thing is very American and pretty recent. You go anywhere else in the world and most family members live just shouting distance from each other. I wish we did too.”
–OVERHEARD MOM

We live in a different State from our relatives. It’s a minimum 6 hour car drive to our children’s nearest grandparent. While I have an Aunt within a two hour drive, it’s not one of those relationships where we see each other except for large family events. This means we are on our own. When I fill out school forms asking for the “next” person to notify if they can’t reach either parent, and I find I end up putting neighbors and friends in that spot, rather than have a school administrator notify someone possibly 300 miles or more away in an emergency.

When I read the above quote on my Mom’s calendar, I thought about how lonely it can be to parent without family support. There’s no one available to just watch the kids so you can get your hair done, run to the store, or simply have a few moments for you. You can try to bridge this gap with babysitters, having your spouse watch the kids, and through other parents, but it’s not the same as running over to the grandparent’s for Sunday dinner.

I wish we lived closer to our relatives. I wish the kids got to see their cousins more than twice a year, especially since they get along as well as if they were siblings. (That’s a good thing). But since it’s just the four of us- my husband and two kids and me- we’ve developed a close knit family, depending on each other, and no “dilution” by having many other relatives around. I wonder what my children’s sense of family and extended family will be by growing up in our single family outpost. Will they stay in our geographic area to be close to us, or will they also move and establish their own independent outposts, far away from home? Will I miss they and feel drawn to be closer to them? Will I find I lose myself if my kids move away?

I’m glad we have a close knit nuclear family- I just hope I will be able to let my children go create their own families gracefully, yet still feel a part of their lives. I hope the physical distance doesn’t create emotional distance, and that we can maintain closeness regardless of the physical space. It’s been hard from time to time to maintain that same sense of connection with our families because we live so far apart- How do you maintain family ties when distance doesn’t cooperate?

by Whitney Hoffman

[tags]kids, children, parents, parenting, family, support, love, caring, relatives, closeness, proximity, America[/tags]