I want to give you a picture of what my life is like when I get home every weeknight, after I’ve left work and have either picked up my son or I get home to find him and my husband already there.
It is a simple, probably boring, routine that we have. Between dinner and bathtime and bedtime, the bulk of it is time spent playing with Max. Sometimes, we don’t actively play, we just remain on the floor, at his level, ready for whenever he next engages us or runs to us for a quick snuggle - as he inevitably will - before he runs off on his own again. That’s it. There’s not much else going on - no chores, no errands, no obligations.
I’ve been wondering lately how this became our routine; how our post-work life centers around Max and playing with him or just being there, ready to go. Not that I think it’s a bad thing. Honestly, I look at our life now as something fleeting, something fragile that will shift and change as he gets older and other children join our family. So I’m more than willing to spend my afternoons doing nothing other than coloring, tossing a ball and showing my son pictures of animals and imitating them.
The downside, though, is what I just implied: nothing gets none. Not the housework, not the laundry (not more than thrown in the washer and dryer), not the dishes. Not even dinner sometimes. This is true, anyway, when either one of us is alone. If we’re both home (as in, it’s Ben’s day off, since his shifts end at 8 pm), we’re able to tag-team and divide Max-care and house-care.
Since it’s been on my mind lately, I’ve been a lot more observant of the actual components of the routine, of my own thoughts, of Max himself. Every day, he’s got something new to show: a new word, a new silly gesture, a new understanding of a concept. I can see how he struggles with learning to be independent vs. his need to be hugged and soothed. The moments when he suddenly stops what he’s doing, crawls into my arms and snuggles for just a few seconds before squiggling away again are the most wonderful moments of my day. I realize that I’m so willing to lie on the floor for a half-hour straight while my son crawls all over me and jumps on me because I need to believe that all these hours and all these shared activities are allowing us to get to know each other better; that they’re showing him that mami and daddy have an interest in him. I need to believe that, though he may never remember any of this, he’ll carry with him a sense of happy memories, of happy images of the three of us just being together. Like, he’ll just know. I feel like I’m doing this out of a belief that just being there, attentive, can be enough to make my child feel safe and loved.
And even though I have days where I’d much rather be alone or out with a friend (and when I feel burned out, I do take an evening off), I truly enjoy this routine. I’m not sure that I know what else I should be doing. I mean, is there anything else I should be doing? What else would I (or can I) do with a toddler (an adventurous one who loves being engaged) running around? What do other parents do?
[tags]kids, parents, home, routine, comfort[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by Jean et Melo, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
7 responses so far ↓
Slouching Mom // Jun 27, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Sounds to me as if you’re doing it just right, Tere. Soon (too soon), he won’t be interested in playing with you anymore. He’ll turn to his friends instead. So why not take it while you can get it?
jen // Jun 27, 2007 at 5:15 pm
I agree with Slouching Mom. You’re doing just what you want to do. Some nights I come home and it’s straight into getting dinner ready. If I don’t do it nobody does. Other nights I spend more time with my son rolling around on the floor. Every night is different.
Melissa // Jun 28, 2007 at 8:06 am
You have just described my ever after work evening. Dishes sit. laundry stays dirty. My workout waits until…sometimes never. I just play with the two kids until dinner, bath, play, bedtime have all come and gone. I do it, too, thinking that this will be what they remember. Spending time with Mommy and Daddy.
I also hope that I am instilling in them a sense of their importance, and of how much we love them with the gift of the time we spend with them.
Megin Hatch // Jun 28, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Ditto to the previous 3 comments. It’s extremely hard to balance life and work… and it seems your priorities are straight.
When my kids were that little, they loved to “help.” Dishes and laundry and cooking. I tried to make it a game and get them involved. Mind you I got 1/10th of what I might have alone, but it was an experience.
Tere // Jun 28, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Melissa, your last statement makes a very good point; I agree.
Megin, I’ve been thinking that the next step for us is to get Max involved in household activities. So far, he’s been very good about helping to pick up his toys when asked, and his nanny always tells me that he’s the first to “help” her whenever she’s picking up for just wiping a spill.
I’m not sure that we’re there yet, though, on both our parts. I think that where he’s at now, it really wouldn’t be help (with messes and all), it would just be him in my way and asking me to pick him up and carrying him. And I - when I do housework, I just like to get it done, quickly and efficiently. So I doubt I would have have the patience to handle that right now.
I think in a few months things will be different, for both of us, and at that point we’ll be able to squeeze chores in.
Nan // Jun 29, 2007 at 7:46 pm
Cut a dishwashing sponge in half, and let him “help” with the dishes, washing his cup or something. He will spend ages just squeezing the bubbles out. That way, you can tidy the kitchen and it’s a game! Folding laundry is a great sorting and colour recognition game, better than anything money can buy. Make up songs, (”oh where, oh where’s the other stripey sock gone?” and so on) and show him how to fold stuff. Great for developing motor skills AND a sense of importance. And discipline. And then when he is nine and says “by the way, we are almost out of toilet cleaner” you will pat yourself on the back for raising a responsible human being. (hello, I NEVER pee on the floor. Cleaning the bathroom is a boy job.) while he is still little, clean the bathroom while he is in the bath. You have to be in there anyway, right? And do get exercise. How about a skipping rope? Tell him you have to do a hundred skips, and ask him to count for you. By the time he reaches a hundred, (with help?) you will have had a pretty good workout! And the exercise will make you feel more energetic. You can do it!
Tere // Jul 1, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Nan, thank you - those are some very creative suggestions!
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