Grasshopper New Media Presents...

I can still remember my middle school days. I remember feeling chubby, and unpopular. I remember that, although I had some nice clothes, it seemed like everyone else dressed way better than me. I can remember that I had two good friends that I hung out with all the time and we often bad mouthed the “popular” kids that we hated, yet so much wanted to be. I remember that every day we had a piece of cake and a fruit punch for lunch. I remember feeling just completely uncomfortable in my skin and not having any idea of how to make it fit better. I remember desperately wanting to be a cheerleader, even though I really despised those perky jumpy girls. But if the cool girls were all cheerleaders, then that was where it was at. I remember being sick and missing cheerleading tryouts, and being relieved, because I knew that was really not me. I remember all of this, but I remember relatively little about school itself.

I know academics must have been somewhat important to me, but all the middle school stories I can remember are relatively un-academic in nature. Social status and friends occupied most of my free thoughts…and boys. I remember that My first kiss was a hit an run by a kind of icky boy that I refused to speak to again. I remember the boys that I really obsessed over, would never kiss me, and most likely I never even spoke to them either. I just sent secret love messages through the school newspaper, signed “anonymous.”

I did not like myself much in middle school but is there anyone who really does? And now I see my own daughter, going through this awkward, uncomfortable phase and I wish there was some way I could use my counseling skills to talk her through these years. But, as they say “talk is cheap.” I can talk, but more importantly, I can listen. But, listening is so hard when what you really want to do, is to say things like: “it is only a phase,” and “get over yourself.” I don’t say those things, just like I don’t say them to the middle school girls who are crying in my office because their boyfriend of the week broke up with them and is now “going out” with their best friend.

A young teenager’s job is to try to figure out who they are. And during this important life task, they are their own center of the universe. And so, I am watching my daughter struggle with wanting to fit in and at the same time remain an individual. I see her experimenting with clothing choices and music choices since both of these choices are so much a part of an adolescent’s identity. I see her bouncing around her different groups of friends, desperately trying to find the ones that truly “understand” her. I see all of this and it pains my heart watching her struggle. And then I think back to my painful, uncomfortable middle school days and I realize that really and truly, it is “just a phase.”

Middle schoolers are trying so hard to become adults, and yet at the same time, they crave dependence on their families. Some days Violet seems just to want to be alone and other days she wants to talk non-stop. Some days she seems to be bouncing ideas off me and wanting me to tell her what to do and other days she wants nothing to do with me. I have to keep remembering to listen and empathize but not try to fix everything for her. If I continue to support her and give her positive skills, she will be able to find her own way, down the rocky, hormonal path toward adulthood.

by In The Fast Lane

[tags]growth, growing, maturing, kids, children, parents, parenting, attitude, angst, stress, dreams, cheerleading, cheerleader, support, empathy, understanding[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by the author, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved