My husband and I try to reduce our battles by reducing some of our children’s choices. Sounds a little funny, doesn’t it? I admit there are lots of opportunities to ask open ended questions and many of those questions will lead to wonderful conversations. Conversations that should be remembered for years to come. Conversations that open the door to really understanding how your kid is doing. Important conversations.
However, there are also lots of reasons to ask closed questions. Particularly with young kids.
Would you like to play Blink or Mancala? (7:15pm is not a good time to play a never ending game of Clue or Scrabble or… gulp… Candyland.)
Would you like to read a book before or after we brush teeth?
Would you like egg salad or turkey for lunch? (I can not always explain why we can’t have sushi or boiled ham hocks or smarties for lunch… I just can’t.)
Would you prefer to make your bed before or after you clean up your laundry?
Questions like these make it easy for young kids to practice making choices, to practice making the right choices. Questions like this don’t allow for a poor choice. Questions like this lay a foundation for the tougher decisions that they will encounter. Questions like this steer the conversation away from the larger battle.
Everyone wins.
Make Good Choices really is my personal mantra- for myself and for my kids. I apply it to a gazillion different situations, and I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll hear more about it here. In the meantime, pop over to GNMHealth and you can read about my football season food choices!
[tags] make good choices, conversations with kids, asking questions, parenting, toddlers, preschoolers, communication[/tags]
Thanks to Lisa B. from Flickr for the photo.
3 responses so far ↓
QSMama / Lea // Jan 16, 2007 at 4:46 pm
What you’re doing is great. Kids get to feel like they have some control, when, as you say, they’re learning decision-making and helping you get them though the day.
I try to do this a lot. I was inspired by the advice in the Love & Logic series–have you read any of those?
My husband and I need to translate this notion into Baby A’s room, where the number and disorganization of toys makes it harder for her to get focused on an activity.
Megin Hatch // Jan 16, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Thanks for taking the time to say hi, Lea.
Your comment about toys is spot on. It’s about more than having a place for everything and sorting things out. When you reduce the number of toys that the kid has access to you are actually providing her with the chance to engage in the toys that are there, instead of becoming distracted by the next toy on the shelf.
I am not great at this, but it is one of the things I strive to improve on. I want to rotate toys through the play areas.
Isn’t it amazing how much the sheer volume of toys has changed? I don’t know about you, but I NEVER had this many toys as a kid. Of course back then I was walking barefoot in the snow up hill both to and from school…
I’m going to check out the Love and Logic series, thanks!
-Meg
Annie // Jan 17, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Yup, we have the same thing at our house, Meg. I’m constantly rotating toys for both of my kids. My hubby is an engineer, so he likes the toys with lights, sounds, moving parts. I think he buys them more for him than the kids! LOL
It’s good to give kids the “either…or” choice. It helps them feel like they have some kind of control. Michael is now learning how to make decisions and it’s making a difference in his outlook!
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