We’re moving. From the inner city to the suburbs. With our children. And our cats. For why, you ask? Better schools, a park close by, ten minutes away from my husband’s office. And the house costs less than what we’ll sell our current house for. (In theory.) (OK. That house fell through, but we’ll find another. And the numbers will work, dang it.)
Doesn’t that sound nice to you, dear readers? (I mean, other than the one deal already falling through?)
It doesn’t sound nice to the Internet, and they’re all weighing in, on my blog and my husband’s. They’re kinda giving me a tiny headache, with all their screaming and the wrinkly noses and the “Ewwwwwww, why would you do that?” and “The suburbs are evil,” etc. We are hearing a few supportive comments, and that has been helping some. I’m feeling like the World Wide Web is boxing my ears in. It is not pleasant, getting virtually bruised.
Why the complaints? We’re doing all this political work for the schools here, we volunteer, we do community service, we mow our lawn occasionally, and for these reasons and others people don’t want us to leave. (Well. At least the ones who are leaving comments don’t want us to leave. I can think of several people who would be pleased as punch to see us go.) That’s sweet they want us to stay. I thought they’d be saying don’t let the door hit your booty on the way out. Will mull this over.
It’s kind of freaking me out, though. My household is not a democracy, and the internet does not get to decide where we go. (They’ve all ruled out Iowa, for instance. I love Iowa — my children’s grandparents are there. If we would have been able to find work, we would have gone. Iowa was my first pick. After San Diego. And Portugal.)
Anyway, we’re more like a monarchy here. I’m the queen. Hockey God is Hockey God. And the kids are Princess Wacky Girl and Prince Wacky Boy. The cats are court jesters. See? So, whose life is this? Mine, right? Let me check over here where I left my mortgage papers, the dirty laundry, a pile of utility bills, the cats who haven’t been fed and the forms for picture day — yes, my life.
I keep hearing jokes about “Desperate Housewives,” and robo-people and Stepford Wives, and I think that’s being rude to suburbanites. I do keep thinking about Agrestic, the walled community in Showtime’s series “Weeds,” about the pot-dealing suburban widow. Do you watch that one? It’s out on DVD now. I highly recommend it. (”Highly,” get it?) It’s funny, and I love all the supporting cast. The kid actors are great, too — they actually have roles to play and their own storylines, they’re not just trotted out for comic relief and then off again. But it isn’t exactly charming, the way the show paints the suburbs.
My daughter made two lists.
-
Good Things About Moving
Better schools
Making new friends
Cool parks
Bigger house (Edited to say: For less money, fingers crossed — WM)
Big garage
Cool yard
Closer to work
Bad Things About Moving
New school
Missing friends
Can’t walk to eat
Finding new ways to go places
Packing
How do you feel about the suburbs? The exurbs? The inner city? Pro or con? More importantly — why do you feel that way? We’re not taking a vote at Wacky House — if and when the house sells, we’re moving. But I’m curious.
by Wacky Mommy
[tags]family, home, house, moving, suburbia, city, urban, feelings, friends, thoughts, opinions, perspectives, Weeds, Stepford Wives[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by John Wardell (Netinho), through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
21 responses so far ↓
Slouching Mom // Oct 20, 2007 at 12:19 pm
How do I feel? As if it’s totally your call, your business, and no one else’s. If someone doesn’t like the suburbs, by all means he or she shouldn’t live in the suburbs. End of story.
I grew up in NYC, but now I live in a small town two-and-a-half hours from the nearest (smallish) city. There are advantages and disadvantages to living in the city, and to small-town living.
There’s no blanket answer.
Enjoy the suburbs, the shorter commute, the bigger house, the schools. Why the hell not?
(Can you tell that I hate judgmental people?)
Wacky Mommy // Oct 20, 2007 at 1:53 pm
(Me, too.)
I like small towns. Portland used to be a town, not it is large crazy city.
nan // Oct 20, 2007 at 1:57 pm
Oh, people keep telling us not to move too. “but it’s so beeooteeful!” Right. We have no mains water supply, and soon it will be dry season again. Bush fires, yay! No phone lines, and the bush keeps trying to take over the house. But my mum and dad, they love it here and already have plans for our little house. Maybe it is easier for them, as they don’t have to drop kids to a school that is an hour away. No-one can make this decision for you. My sister lives just out of London, and will never move. She is so happy. But me? I have lived and worked in the states and England, and I am happiest in Trinidad. But a little closer to the city, please!
Tere // Oct 20, 2007 at 6:11 pm
First, it’s your own business.
That said, it all depends where you live. I’m in Miami, as in, right in the middle of the city of Miami, and I love it. I’m close to everything. I’ve lived in the suburbs here, and I was miserable. Traffic is awful, it’s nothing but same-looking houses and strip malls, and it was just too far from anything that mattered to me.
But that’s Miami. It has to do with how poorly planned the county was (as far as expansion and such), and also with the fact that the best homes (in my opinion) are in the central part of the county.
But if I lived in Manhattan, I suspect I’d be dying to move to the suburbs.
Like SM said, there’s just no blanket answer. Each place is unique; in some, the city is better, and in others, the suburbs are preferable.
Best of luck to you!
Wacky Mommy // Oct 20, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Thanks, you guys.
Betsy // Oct 20, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Unless you have people flinging no-strings Cash Money at you along with their opinions – well, then, you’re under no obligation to pay their opinions much attention.
And if there’s cash money? It’d better be lots of big bills with plenty of zeros on them…!
Wacky Mommy // Oct 20, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Betsy,
You’re funny, girl. First I had to listen to everyone gripe about us moving to a “bad” neighborhood, which now is a “hip” neighborhood so of course Wacky Family, being “unhip” does not fit in (ha).
Now this.
Ah, people. They always know what to say, don’t they?
edj // Oct 20, 2007 at 10:51 pm
I think you will still be just as wacky, no matter where you live!
And I know whereof I speak.
Ginger // Oct 21, 2007 at 6:34 am
Well, we did the very same thing — in 1992! I was such an intown girl that I joke about my then-new husband having to drag me, kicking and screaming, across the “perimeter” — the highway that circles the city and designates who’s geographically undesirable by the gracious terms of “I live inside the perimeter” or “I’m not driving to your house; you live outside the perimeter.” So after looking at more than 100 houses intown that were twice the price of a suburban home and less than half the square footage (and no closets, no basements, no backyard) my husband says, “Look honey, I used to live in Dunwoody when I was a kid. Just come look at it.” Well, needless to say, he was absolutely right. Yard? Check. Lots of room? Check. Trees? Check. Space? Check. Affordable? Check. Basement, schools, sidewalks, parks — check, check, check, check. Well, all of my clients were inside the perimeter. So were most of my friends. I had a panic attack so bad the day we moved I had to sleep at a friend’s house while my husband helped the movers move. No lie. At the time, there weren’t very many people our age in our ‘hood (young 30s) and when I went to the mailbox I thought my neighbors would think I was somebody’s daughter. But then a strange thing happened … we started meeting our neighbors. Doing suburban things like progressive dinners, playing tennis, my musician husband started selling off old guitars and buying power tools. We realized that half of our newest neighbors were in-towners, too. Stepford wives? Are you kidding? They were lawyers, doctors, artists, philanthropists, writers, and yes, IBMers, Coca-Cola managers, realtors — every walk of life, but hey! Where do you think they used to live before children, taxes and pets? One of my neighbors said she finally stopped hyperventilating when she saw my husband out in the yard one day. There he was, 29 years old, hanging out with his guitar, his ponytail, his one earring and a jean jacket with no shirt on underneath. Oh, he was a beautiful intownish sight, alright. Everyone finally stopped cracking jokes about suburbia, housewives and commutes and started connecting. Now, I’m told this is a unique neighborhood, but I think it’s what you make of it. When someone is sick here, we all make dinners and take turns babysitting. When someone has died unexpectedly, we pull together and plant memorial gardens and help raise the children and spirits. We have Halloween parties, Santa visits, tennis tournaments, poker parties, pook parties — all because we want to know each other. I run a children’s talent show each year where the goal is to make every child feel like a super star. We raise each other’s kids, I swear. I have two soul sisters here who were worth moving to the ‘burbs for in and of themselves. Sometimes I drive back through my old ‘hood and yes, I miss the charm, the broken sidewalks, the fact that clover can grow in their front yards and I’m sure no one cares. But when my son has all his friends on the front lawn playing football or tag in the rain, I look out my window from my office upstairs and smile down upon them, and thank my husband for dragging me, kicking an screaming, across the perimeter.
I wish you soul sisters, progressive dinners where the talk is deep and the wine is good; lifelong friends for your children; bonding for your husband, and you know what? In a few years, your friends will be moving out, too, most likely, and someone will open up a place you can walk to to eat. Love, love, love!
Ginger // Oct 21, 2007 at 6:50 am
Oops, that should be “pool” parties lest you think we have some weird kinda parties out here in suburbia!
Whitney // Oct 21, 2007 at 10:54 am
I grew up in a city (Rochester NY) and now live in the’burbs of both Wilmington, DE and Philly, PA. I love the outdoors we get to see; I love the neighbors in our community; I miss that my kids don’t get a chnace to learn to walk to the store and grab a quart of milk themselves. I don’t like being so dependent on a car; I do love the schools and the community here in our neighborhood that grows up around waiting for the bus stop with other parents and doing car pool.
I love having a yard where the boys play with the dog; a hill where the whole neighborhood comes to sled in the winter. I love the birds at my window in the morning. I love my big, bright airy house, with an open kitchen I dreamed of for forever; I love having parties on the patio; I hate that it seems like a real chore to go into the city for social media events.
I love my community supported agriculture farm (CSA) just three miles away, and getting fresh veggies, and now pumpkins, apples and mums, five months a year.
I am happy in the ‘burbs, but you make tradeoffs wherever you go. Do what feels best, and if you’re happy, your children will be, too.
Shawn // Oct 21, 2007 at 11:05 am
There are definitely pros and cons for any place. We’re in the same situation — waiting and waiting for our house to sell to move out of the city. It’s a small city, but with a big crime rate. I”m not scared to live here, but I’m tired of living here. It’s like a full-time job just being at home, living. I love walking to the coffeeshop, used book store and farmer’s markets … and I’ll hate driving everywhere in the ‘burbs. But, the trade off is that my girls won’t go to a school where only 70 percent graduate, 85 percent live in poverty and 90 percent have bad attitudes. I just can’t do it. Life has changed for me … I’ll still be able to visit the city.
Karen // Oct 21, 2007 at 11:06 am
Go for it! Changes can be good, and new friends are to be had everywhere. I’m not a city person myself and would always choose as rural as possible, but it truly is your own call to make. Who am I to say?
Wacky Mommy // Oct 21, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Edj,
You stay where you are and be my neighbor. Sigh.
Ginger,
Panic attacks have already started here. Not pretty. But the thought of a progressive party makes me happy. We did one on our current street on New Year’s Day last year — it was so fun.
Whitney,
We’d be closer to the country, which I do like (we love CSAs, too!) and halfway to the beach. I have not been happy in our neighborhood for awhile. Driving home just now, I just went past four police cars on the street one block south of our house. They were spread out over ten blocks, all on the same main street.
Shawn,
I know exactly what you mean. Exactly.
Karen,
Thank you.
Spencer at pinkbluecafe.com // Oct 21, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Agreed with Slouching Mom.
You and your family know what is best for yourselves.
You know your priorities. You know what is important to you. And then you can weigh those up to your options to see where your priorities will be met.
You or I can find 10 people on-line right now to give us each 10 reasons why cities are awful, dirty, expensive and impersonal. And we can also find 10 people just as quickly to tell us how boring and stepfordy suburbs can be.
The key is what is important to you and your family.
By the way, how does Portugal weigh into your options?
Wacky Mommy // Oct 21, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Spencer,
Yeah, that’s my cyber-life, alright. There are always ten people saying yay and ten saying nay. And me, saying dammit, if we decided not to sell the house I wouldn’t have to pack or deal with the basement.
Portugal? I love Portugal. Look over here
http://wackymommy.org/blog/archive/2007/08/20/wherein_i_call_my_mother_a_tart_and_dont_want_to_know_how_magic_works/
and find out why…
Spencer at pinkbluecafe.com // Oct 23, 2007 at 5:45 am
What a story! There must be the screenplay for a romantic comedy in there.
And packing sometimes feels like a reason in and of itslef not to move. But it’s like the pain from removing a band-aid. Short and quick, better in the long term (if moving is the right move).
Karen // Oct 23, 2007 at 7:31 am
I’ll never understand why people think of “the suburbs” or “the city” as meaningful categories. Suburbs are different from each other; cities are different from each other.
I also don’t understand why people think that suburbs and cities are the only options. There are thousands of wonderful small towns out there! Except for college and some time abroad afterward, small towns are the only place I’ve ever lived in my 35 years and it would take serious arm-twisting to get me anywhere else.
Ginger // Oct 25, 2007 at 6:44 am
http://community.connectwithkids.com/post/survivingmyteen/suburbia_not_want_you_think_it_is.html#comments
I like Dorothy’s, “home is where your heart is, and you take yours with you wherever you go.”
Hey everyone! I wanted to share WackyMommy’s Movin’ Up blog with another Moms Network and they left some comments here as well. WackyMommy, are you adding up the outside votes?
Wacky Mommy // Oct 25, 2007 at 7:55 am
Ginger,
Cool, thank you!
Spencer at pinkbluecafe.com // Oct 25, 2007 at 9:01 am
http://www.lookydaddy.com/weblog/2007/10/dear-rental-hou.html
That link is for another blogger who is moving. But it seems his choice is a little easier considering the murder that happened in his current house over 100 years ago.
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