Giving New Meaning to Parenting

Happy Holidays! Anyone finding themselves bombarded with a “to do” list that just never ends? Raise your hand so I can see you.

Now that I’ve started a multi-national wave – let’s get down to the real business. The business of busy. And, more importantly, the consequences of that. For those that know me, this is a refresher. For those that don’t, here it is.

I am a single mother of two children, ready to turn 7 and 8. I am a full-time university student, a part time volunteer and I spend 16 hours a week as a research assistant. I used to maintain an active blog, and am also a photographer. Recently, I am an advocate for my son’s needs in a world that chooses to turn its back on him. I am a spouse, I am a daughter, and to some? I am a friend.

I’ve written here before about the craziness that took over my life, starting with my Nana’s surgery, my daughter’s month long tango with head lice and that subsequent falling behind in my classes. Since then, it’s been a maze of trying to catch up, while squeezing in meetings with school officials for my son, trying to maintain my duties on the internets and watching my house fall to squalor. In the last month, I have written two midterms, written four essays, one hour long presentation, four applications for teacher’s college and a final exam. Christmas shopping? What is that? I’ve barely had time to help my children with their homework.

It has been brought to my attention lately, that these piles of work I’ve been buried under are slowly revealing me to be a selfish person. As I worked frantically for the last month to stay afloat, I have been lax in my duties as friend. My communications have been curt, to the point – and dealing with the necessary issues at hand, my presence in their lives minimal – and those are perceived as uncaring, self-absorbed and (brace yourself) surly. I have been accused of caring only of myself, taking what I can get from them, and putting what I need in front of my friendships. Worse, I am judged as such. Without my knowledge I was tried, convicted and punished, and have no course of appeals.

What they – and the world for that matter – don’t know – is that it isn’t only my friendships that have suffered. I have barely hugged my spouse hello, only spoken with my children in passing, and did not pick up the phone once to speak with my family. I haven’t done laundry in two weeks, haven’t dusted in twice that and slept a total of 12 hours per week for the last four. I am barely living – and for that – I feel guilt.

It is easy, so easy, to be drawn into those fires you are trying so hard to put out. To be blinded by the thick black smoke – and to allow the sense of urgency to take over your emotions. It is harder to emerge from the flames, charred and exhausted and not leave sooty black smears all over that which you hold dear. It is even harder to remember those things when you’re fighting to come out standing. It is devastating to emerge and find them all destroyed.

During this time, one of the busiest times of the year – remember those on the sidelines. Poke your head out from the fire and whisper words of love to your family, caresses to your children and appreciation to your friends. Remember, although things are heavy in your personal life and that sense of urgency is pushing you to take the reins, that others around you may be looking for a small token of recognition. Give to them freely before you return to your work, remember them dearly if you’ve lost them. Hold no grudges, take no prisoners and try not to be misunderstood.

Success may be measured out in what you accomplished – but happiness only counts by what you gave. It is easier to take the time to check yourself – than it is to repair those relationships you’ve lain aside. Perspective is everything to repair and destroy everything.

The Agent.

by Double Agent Girl

Photo graciously provided by Bhernandez, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved