This little voice inside my head wakes me up almost every morning and I would like it to stop talking to me. I’ve heard that 95 percent of what we worry about never comes to pass. So why do we worry? Why do we put thoughts of negativity into our heads? They drive me crazy!
So, here is a glimpse into the night and morning of an over paranoid mother. Before I turn out the lights I check on my daughters to make sure they are breathing (yes, you read it right, breathing). After I see that they are both still alive I walk down the hallway to my bedroom and get ready for bed. In the morning when I wake up and cannot hear Pack Rat and Copy Cat I generally wander toward their room to make sure they are… breathing. Once I confirm all is okay, I go about my morning as usual. Or sometimes I’ll jump in the pool before everyone else wakes up and I’ll watch for my girls in the kitchen window (they love to wave to my while I’m swimming). While swimming I have this thought that my husband is going to run outside screaming that one of our girls is dead. Who thinks these thoughts anyway?
There was one night about 9 months ago where I shook one of my girls awake because I thought she had stopped breathing. Her body was cold and she was unresponsive to my touch and my voice. I started screaming and even picked her up. She barely acknowledged me and fell right back to sleep. My heart was beating so fast I had to really work on calming myself down once I realized she was okay.
It’s crazy! I’m driving myself nuts. My husband would laugh hysterically if he knew how paranoid I was - and I cannot say that I would blame him one bit. This has been my routine for the last 3 years and 11 months. I’m wondering is this a normal mom thing? Please tell me that it is so that I don’t feel like such a freak.
Am I this way because of the rough start my daughters had in life? I watched Copy Cat struggle and fight for her life when she was only one week old. Yet, she survived and thrived. We are long past the SIDS stage. Is it the fear of SIDS that starts this paranoia? If so, when does it stop?
My rational mind tells me that my daughters will wake up every morning, just as I do. I know that they won’t stop breathing at night for no apparent reason. Heck, neither of them even have any health issues that we should be concerned about. So how do I make it stop? How do I stop worrying?
by Kelly Damron
5 responses so far ↓
Nan // Sep 19, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I hope this is normal, because otherwise I am doomed too! I noticed that when my boys were little, i.e. I was getting absolutely no sleep, I would have those horrible fears: Is he breathing?? What if we have a car crash and the cell phone flies back and hits him on the head? Is this a cold or is he going to have an athsma attack??
Even now, if I am exhausted from lack of sleep for whatever reason, I get unreasonably worried. I can SEE terrible things happening. But I have talked to other Mums and I think it’s just our brains on overdrive. Our advice to each other? Sleep (HAHAHA, good one. I know.), Take your vitamins, Read a funny book. Pray.
And you know what? I still check my great big Ten-year-old from time to time. I creep in, feel his brow, listen to his breathing, and kiss him.
Jessica Y. // Sep 19, 2008 at 8:45 pm
I did this, too, but I truly stopped worrying about it the day they turned 12mths old, (the magic SIDS age)as if it couldn’t happen at 12 months and one day. So I know not worrying has a lot to do with determining to control my thoughts.
Now, I just pray for their safety and remind myself that they are in the Lord’s hands, not mine. He can take much better care of them than I can, whatever He chooses.
Anita B // Sep 20, 2008 at 6:54 am
Oh my goodness! I agree! My son has never been a good sleeper, so he ended up sleeping with me, but every time he actually stays in his bed all night, I never sleep! The first time he slept through the night was when he was about 4 months old (didn’t happen again for another 6 months!) and I was up all night making sure he was okay. And last April, we were in a car accident and, all of a sudden, he was sleeping alone in his bed all night (until we went on vacation in June). For the first week, both my husband and I were up at least every hour checking on him because we thought maybe the ER had missed something and he was hemorrhaging or something. Now, since our vacation, he just ends up in our bed anyway, so I actually get MORE sleep. We are going on vacation for the first time alone (he is staying with Gma and Gpa) and I am already freaking out big time. He just turned two and I am just imagining getting a call in the middle of the night that I need to get home now-I imagine all sorts of things happening.
But I think we’ll be okay. I actually talk out my fears with my husband, and then we’re okay. He doesn’t laugh or mock me, he just gives me a rational hypothetical outcome-and then tells me that everything will be okay.
Kelly D // Sep 21, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Thank you all of making me feel totally normal. Actually, after writing this I’ve been able to do a much better job of not obsessing over their breathing. It is nice to know that I’m not crazy!
Sandie Law // Sep 29, 2008 at 11:53 am
I think part of being a mom is worrying about your kid. My husband laughs at me, but I check on my son anytime he sleeps past 8am. Granted, he’s six. I’m past checking on him each night…he’s pretty vocal about any problems he may be having.
I think I’d only worry if you never let them out of your sight, caved in to their every desire, or fussed over every bump and bruise. There’s mom worry and then there’s paranoia. You’ve got mom worry…
Don’t stress so much about trying not to worry. Let yourself worry…if you accept that you will worry and that it’s not a bad thing, it’s easier to get past it. You shouldn’t beat yourself up about it.
My philosophy on parenting is simple: trust your instincts. If you need to check on your kids to feel better, do it.
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