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When you’re a parent to four children, it can seem like most of your thoughts and goals are aimed at just getting through. Just getting through their babyhood, toddlerhood, potty training, and if you’re lucky, getting them to school. As our babies got older, it seemed like we were always waiting for that next step. The point at which we were free to enjoy the family we had created.

While I was waiting for that next step, I didn’t realize how grown up our oldest daughter was becoming. She turned ten years old this month and suddenly it’s obvious to me how young I still treat her. I came to the realization that I might baby her a bit too much when we had a conversation that went like this.

Kristyn: “Can I have some hot chocolate?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll make you some in a minute.”

Kristyn: “I can do it. The water is already in the kettle and it’s hot. I’m ten years old, Mom. I can do it!”

I looked at her and I knew, of course, she could do it, but it had never occurred to me to let her. Why not? I’m not exactly sure. As the oldest she gets the distinction of being the first to do most things in our family, yet I hold back on when those firsts happen. I don’t think it has anything to do with trusting her, because she is an extremely responsible child – it has more to do with relinquishing the idea that I am Mom to four young children. As much as I have looked forward to having more freedom, more time, more sanity, I suppose I wanted all that and their adorable neediness.

Here are some thoughts that have fleeted through my head as I watched her around the house lately (based on things she has recently asked me):

· If your ten-year-old daughter can tell time better than you sometimes can, she’s probably more grown up than you are giving her credit for.

· If your ten-year-old daughter can put together a cesar salad from cutting the lettuce to pouring the dressing, she might be able to make her own lunch for school.

· If your ten-year-old daughter has changed more diapers on her siblings than your husband has, she might be able to have a phone in her room.

· If your ten-year-old daughter can say “Mommy, you sleep in, I’ll take Alex into the living room and give him breakfast!” she might be able to walk to her best friend’s house (with her best friend) one block from the school and you can pick her up later.

· If your ten-year-old daughter can put in her own laundry, wash it and fold it, she might be able to skate with her friends at the rink while you skate with her siblings.

The things she has asked to do don’t come close to what I was allowed to do at her age, but it’s a start. This is a different time. It’s time to start letting her control some of her own life and trust our parenting. So far we’ve raised an amazing kid. Part of continuing to raise an amazing kid is to let her see how much we think she is capable of. I can’t wait to see what she has to show us.

[tags] pre-teen, parenting, growing up[/tags]

Photo by tonx via Flickr.