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I have always kissed my kids minor bumps and bruises until they were old enough to not need it. So often a kiss was all that it took for the owie to go magically away. There are scrapes that kisses can’t anesthetize. But, for the first few years of their lives, my kisses have made things better. Life is not always so easy, and the owies can sometimes be to tough for kisses to cure and so I treasure the times in which my kiss is enough.

Today, I watched my three year old play on an asphalt playground. I watched him run after a ball and marveled at how coordinated his little body had become. But, I could also see how easy it could be for him to have a fall and scrape his elbows and knees. But, I let him play on. Sure enough, minutes later, he took a minor tumble. I watched him pick himself up, look at his knee and look at me. I wondered if he was going to start to cry. But, instead, he kissed his own hand and then laid his hand gently on his wounded knee. And off he ran. He didn’t even need mom to kiss it, he was able to take care of it on his own.

As I felt a little bit like he was outgrowing me, I realized that he had learned a very valuable lesson. He had learned that when he falls he can pick himself up and make the choices that make things better for himself. But, he didn’t learn it on his own, he learned it from those who love him. And it was because of this love, that he had the confidence to move forward and continue on.

In our own lives and as we raise our children, understanding that we have choices, is the basis for healthy growth as humans. We can’t always rely on others to pick us up and dust us off and tell us which way to go next. Sometimes, we have to find the strength and the courage within ourselves to get moving again when we fail. With our children, we show them that we love them by not always fixing everything for them, but giving them choices and letting them know that their choice is their own. We teach them the skills, we show them our love and support, but in each of our children’s’ lives, they reach a point that they will own their own choices and their own falls and their own successes.

For sure, life’s falls are not so simple, or so easily fixed. Sometimes it takes more than a kiss to be able to move forward again. Later, Jack Jack had a worse fall that resulted in two skinned knees and one very bloody elbow. And this time, he needed mommy. And this is ok too, because he knew that he still has the love and support of his mom when things got too hard for him. We need people that we can fall back on when things are too tough for us. But, people are human and sometimes they will fail us. And then, where do we turn? Having the strength to kiss our own owies and keep moving forward even though it still hurts, is owning our falls and our choices. Giving our kids this skill gives them confidence and surrounds them with love.

Photo graciously provided by Steve Navarro, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved