I was randomly watching a morning news program several months ago and saw an interview with Stephen Covey that fascinated me. He was talking about building relationships with children, and the specific point he made was to never break a promise.
“No sweat,” I thought to myself. I don’t have a problem in this area.
Then Covey threw a monkey wrench into the works. I can’t recall the exact quote, but his basic premise was that anything we tell children we’re going to do qualifies as a promise.
Talk about upping the ante. Ouch.
Covey said that anytime we tell a child “I’m going to do x” that we need to either follow through with that, or ask directly to be released from the promise. If the child won’t release you, then find a way to keep the promise.
The interview popped into my head last week when I was hanging a hook in the younger boys’ closet so they could put their bathrobes away themselves. They’ve had the robes since Christmas, and have had to either leave them on the floor or ask me to hang them up out of reach in the closet.
It took me almost 7 months, but I finally bought the hook and installed it. The kicker is that it was a $2 purchase and took me all of 5 minutes to install. It’s silly how long I put off such a simple task. By hanging the hook, I’m communicating to my boys that they’re important to me (plus reaping the extra bonus of no more robes on the floor).
So here’s my challenge to myself and to you: Can you go a whole day and not break a single promise (or get a release) to your kids? How about a week?
In the meantime, I have another hook to hang…promised to take care of that 3 weeks ago. My record is improving!
by AmyL
Photo graciously provided by mouse, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved
5 responses so far ↓
Kelly D // Jul 15, 2008 at 9:33 am
I have heard of this before and I starting paying attention to what I said to my daughters - I thought it was a very good point. Most of the time I follow through on my promises. Sometimes I assume (probably incorrectly) that they forgot. But I do make a valiant effort to make good on all the promises I make.
AmyL // Jul 15, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Hi Kelly,
It’s hard, isn’t it? I struggle especially on days when I’m tired. The other sticking point is that if I even say “I’ll think about it” to a request The Mercenary in particular determines that to be a promise. I often am stuck in the position of giving a definitive “no” on requests or refusing to discuss them because I haven’t had time to consider or check with Hubby.
Do You Keep Your Promises to Your Kids? - Earnest Parenting // Jul 15, 2008 at 9:02 pm
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katy // Jul 15, 2008 at 10:55 pm
We do take our words too lightly. I am going to try to keep track and see what happens!
Crissy // Jul 16, 2008 at 7:47 am
Hi Amy,
Thinking about the way it is said there by Covey, I would have to say Hubby and me are guilty. We generally don’t promise to do something or get something unless we know for sure it is possible to do. Unforunately camping seems to be a big deal for the kids this summer but we can’t do it, so we compromised with camping in the backyard for them this summer and next summer making sure to get all the camping equipment and setting a certain time to go camping no matter what. They seem satisfied with that compromise. Yes without thinking about small stuff to us, we have said yes to something and not followed thru. We will have learn to not commit as much and think about things more often. Thanks for the insight into how this may affect kids.
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