I Need an New Thermometer

April 13th, 2009 by AmyL · 2 Comments

I read something years ago about how teenagers have difficulty interpreting the emotions of adults talking to them. According to the author adults should be very careful and deliberate in their communication with teens because much of the time teens misread adults. This effect is increased in any kind of stressful or emotional situation. To combat the problem, the writer suggested that adults say clearly what they’re feeling when talking to the teen.

One of my boys said something along the lines of, “You’re angry with me” one day. But I wasn’t. I’d always thought my emotional state was very clear to them. (You know…the whole smiling vs frowning thing. Subtleties like that.) Turns out it’s not.

Either my boys are highly advanced and already exhibiting the qualities of teenagers, or this whole Kids Misunderstanding Adults thing stretches further than that writer indicated.

Ever since then I’ve tried to remember to include things like “I’m not angry” or “I’m proud of you” or “I’m disappointed” or “I’m so glad” in my communication with the boys. One phrase that’s been quite helpful is “I’m not trying to criticize”. It’s taken some time, but things seem more positive around here and I’ve even noticed the boys using those same phrases when talking to me.

However. It’s a lot of work, and I realized yesterday that it would be a lot easier if someone would just invent a thermometer that I could stick to my forehead that would indicate my mood visually for the boys. Wouldn’t have to be all that difficult… we could go with green for calm and happy, yellow for annoyed or irritated, red for frustrated and purple for furious. We could call it the Emotion-Meter. One size fits all.

Oh! And could I have a Guilt-Meter? That would be especially handy, let me tell you. For some reason whenever I make a decision the boys don’t like they act all angry and sad. Even when I tell them that I really don’t feel bad at all about the latest ruling they still do the pouty act. If I had a Guilt-Meter attached to my Emotion-Meter, then the boys would know for sure that I don’t feel even the slightest. bit. guilty about telling them things like

Yes, you have to do your assignment
No, you can’t wrestle with all the little kids and get them all revved up and in trouble in church
Yes, you do have to clean your room
No, I’m not buying you [insert pricy item here]

With the Guilt Meter on my head, they’d see in a second that all the pouting and whining is futile and never do it again.

Right?

by AmyL

Photo graciously provided by * Cati Kaoe *, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

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2 responses so far ↓

Anita B // Apr 14, 2009 at 6:51 am

That was so funny! I’m sitting here laughing to myself because I have to work on the same thing with my husband-so it should come second nature by the time my 2yo gets older, right?
AmyL // Apr 14, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Anita B, I told the boys about my imaginary thermometers. They looked at me as if I was completely nuts (they may well be correct on that point), but they did seem to understand that I was really serious about the whole Pouting Does Not Move Me thing.

I think kids are easier to work on than husbands. Husbands can be very smart sometimes, and that makes dealing with them very tricky. I’m much better at outsmarting the children.