Getting Rid Of The Clutter
If your children can’t keep their stuff picked up, then they have too much stuff! Kids don’t want to live in a messy space. They enjoy making the mess, of course, but they don’t want to live in it. Most artists don’t create masterpieces with someone else’s work. They start with a clean piece of canvas, a block of smooth stone, or an un-molded piece of clay. If you want your kids to play creatively, then they need a clean and orderly space to work in. Half the fun of playing with blocks is dumping them out of the box. Who wants to play with blocks that are already scattered around the room? Not my kids!
This is the story of my very own clutterbug. When my daughter was about four years old, I got tired of fighting her to keep her room clean. We went in there together one day and I asked her, “Are you tired of having a messy room?†Yes. “Are you tired of spending so much time cleaning it?†Yes. “You know what we could do to make it easier for you? We could box up all the toys that you don’t really like to play with and give them to a child that doesn’t have so many toys. That would make them happy and it would make you and me happy too because your room would be easier to keep clean. Do you want to do that?†Yes!!! So we spent several hours going through all her toys and deciding which were Keepers and which were Givers. By the time we were finished, we had gotten rid of more than half of the toys in her room. Her room was beautiful and we were both happy, for one whole day.
Several weeks went by and her room was still in a constant state of chaos! What was going on here? We had de-cluttered! We had made a place for everything! Why wasn’t it working? I asked her to clean her room every day and every day it was still a fight and a struggle. Who wants to live like that??? I knew my daughter was old enough to pick up her toys, but I didn’t seem to be able to teach her how to do it or how to want to do it. What was I doing wrong? Finally the thought came into my head, “Don’t give her more responsibility than she can handle.â€
That was my answer! Radical isn’t it? She and I went back into her room, had our little talk, and proceeded to go through her toys again. Again we got rid of half her toys. Weeks went by and again her room was still a mess, a much smaller mess of course but still a mess! That’s when I took matters into my own hands and into two big black garbage bags, during a covert operation while she was spending the night at Grandma’s house. I left her one stuffed animal, one dress up outfit, etc. Are you feeling sorry for her yet? I thought she would be mad at me and miss her toys but she didn’t. I cannot tell you how happy she was! Her room was clean! The fighting stopped! I saw her using her imagination more and she absolutely treasured the toys she had. She played with her favorite stuffed animal all day long and took it everywhere she went. No cat on earth has ever been so loved!
It has been three years since then and we have slowly added more play things to her room but I have been careful not to overwhelm her again. She has her dress up clothes and we got her dishes out for her kitchen. She has enough stuffed animals to have a proper tea party but not enough for an army. If you saw her room you would think it rather barren of toys compared to what most children have, but she has something more valuable than a house full of toys. She has the freedom to play and create without the burden and confusion of too much clutter. Don’t we all need more of that?
Read more next week from my continuing series Teach Your Kids To Work.
Photo generously provided by assbach, used under a Creative Commons License.
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[tags]home, clutter, neaten, teach clean[/tags]
8 responses so far ↓
Chris // Mar 22, 2007 at 6:07 pm
This is so inspiring. I’ve been trying to get rid of toys, but coudn’t imagine trimming things down as much as you have…but as I read this I thought about how my own daughter doesn’t really play with much of anything…sometimes her friends do when they come over, but mostly she throws stuff all over the place looking for one or two items I put away with all the stuff she’s not interested in.
Lara Gallagher // Mar 22, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Thank you Chris. That’s usually the case isn’t it? Let me know if you try this and how it works for you!
An Ordinary Mom // Mar 22, 2007 at 9:24 pm
As a mother you truly need to be in tune with the personality of each child. My daughter is great at keeping her plethora of toys organized, but when my son gets a little older, I think I will take this approach! Thanks for sharing!
Momo // Mar 23, 2007 at 4:33 pm
After my son’s third birthday it seemed that we were literally buried in toys. The living room looked like a daycare center. And no, he didn’t have any desire to do anything that took imagination.
I took this same approach. We cleaned out his closet and went through the toy box. We separated everything into keep/giveaway piles. Whatever didn’t fit into his closet or his toy box neatly, also went to foster kids.
We called it ’sharing’ and by involving him in the process he was far more amenable to it. Also, my living room now looks like a living room where adults actually live as well.
As far as the cleaning battles, when he was about two we started insisting that he help clean up his toys before bedtime. After a couple of refusals, I would give him until the count of three to get moving. Then I just took away anything he didn’t help clean up. He would lose the toy (or box of cars - The HORROR!!) for a day. Some days he would have very limited toys to play with.
I get flack from my mom and even other parents who think that I am a hard-ass. Whatever. The end result is that he helps to clean up his toys, often times cleaning up one thing before he starts another. And without being asked. Also, he loves to do the things we do - don’t most kids? - and so he pretends to vacuum with Dad and he has his own sponge for wiping up the counters.
The point is that kids can be trained by gently nudging in the right direction and by playing to their natural desires.
This was a great post and let me know that maybe I am doing something right.
Lara Gallagher // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:10 pm
An Ordinary Mom, so true! My son doesn’t have the same problems keeping his room clean that my daughter had. He is an entirely different sort of creature!
Lara Gallagher // Mar 23, 2007 at 11:14 pm
Momo - I’m happy to hear that you let your son help with chores at such an early age. You are so right! Kids do have a natural desire to be helpful and to be like Mom and Dad as long as we don’t squelch it by being in too big of a hurry to let them help.
Cristina // Nov 21, 2007 at 9:59 am
This is very inspiring and I agree that kids don´t need every toy that comes up in advertisements! (We´ve started by getting rid of our TV, now they can look at publicity-free DVDs on the laptop now and then.)
I´ve noticed that my kids are much more eager to declutter their stuff than I am. I´ve had to resist the temptation to tell them to keep things!
Anyway, my question is: how do you deal with relatives? I´ve found that grandparents are experts in re-filling recently decluttered rooms!! They always have excuses for bringing the kids presents, even when there is no birthday or other celebration coming up!
Also, what do you give your kids for Christmas?
Thanks!
Cristina
Lara Gallagher // Nov 21, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Cristina, I wrote an article just for you!
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