Grasshopper New Media Presents...

This morning, I got my weekly copy of the Special ed Advocate newsletter, put out by Pam and Peter Wright from the Wrightslaw website. It tells a story of a mom, Susan, who was looking to Wrightslaw for help for her two children who were struggling in school. Her letter was very emotional and angry. She got a return email, telling her that she had to stop playing the victim and overly emotional parent, and instead, become an effective advocate for her children with the school system. She took that advice, and it has made all the difference for her and her children.

This story struck a nerve with me, because I think we can all fall into the role of victim. I did this for almost two years with a friend of mine. We were going to write a book together, and over time, I realized I was writing the book, and she was reading, or distracting me from my goal. I eventually took a sideways step away from the project and started the LD Podcast, creating an independent voice for myself.

For those two years, I saw myself as powerless, or perhaps too much of a coward to confront my book partner directly. I didn’t want a disagreement to cost us our friendship. In the end, the friendship did not weather the change in project very easily. But in the end, I wasted two years allowing someone else dictate the terms of my project and my workflow. Once I decided to change the arrangement and come up with new boundaries and rules, the game changed, and for me, much for the better.

How many times to we allow ourselves to become or play the victim? How many times do we give up our power and control willingly to others?

NPR had a great segment on “This I Believe”, talking about a young man who uses the bumps and hurdles in life, not as a barrier to success, but as a jumping off point, an indication of time to change course or direction towards his own path to success. The barriers and difficulties don’t provide an excuse, they provide a motivation to work around and find a new way to solve his problems. This is what we need to stop falling into the victim mode.

When you are angry or frustrated, take a minute to look at the underlying cause. Are you upset because nothing ever seems to change? If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, who is crazy here? You need to change your approach, your actions and reactions to the situation, to see what you can do to change the tide. You may need to get more information or consult an expert. You may need help from a friend. But until you find that way to change the status quo, to act, everything will remain the same.

Change is not easy. But since life rewards action and engagement, you will get so much more accomplished by taking the reigns of your life and doing something, rather than nothing. Make a step by step plan. List the barriers. Better yet, start the new year by getting The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Even if you don’t think of yourself as an artist, her program and daily writing exercises will help you identify those hurdles and blocks that are slowing you down. Once you have them articulated, you can make a plan to change the status quo and remove these blocks. I know working through this program with a friend, a buddy system approach to keep us both on track, changed my life. I know it can change yours.

If anyone is interested in working through the Artist’s Way as a book group/podcast/blog, let me know- I’d be happy to do this as a project in the new year.

by Whitney Hoffman

[tags]parents, parenting, kids, children, frustrations, art, life, rewards, action, direction, victimization, courage[/tags]
Photo graciously provided by robert madeira, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved